For Wings of Love or Wings of Freedom
by Alisa Yang
Summary: In their final year as trainees, Erwin Smith and Nile Dok fall in love with a young woman named Marie and the three of them form a trio of friends, but before a year is past they will have to choose who and what they wish for the most. Based on the backstory in chapter 53 of the manga.
1. Chapter 1: Trainees

Chapter 1: Trainees

"A group of trainees just came in!" The voice of Marie's mother sang into the hot kitchen. "Table 10. Can you get them? Marie?"

"Sure!" she shouted, making sure her mother heard before she disappeared back into the front room. "I'll be there as soon as I deliver the order to Table 8!"

Business at her parents' bar normally lightened during the spring break. Third year trainees graduated and were whisked away to their new posts. First and second years had the opportunity to go home and see their families for a few weeks, and the newest class had yet to arrive.

But some trainees didn't go home, either because of the expense or personal reasons, and they still came into town even during the break. If anything, they came more often, because there was less to do, and in some ways that made up for their lesser numbers.

The bar still felt emptier though. Less than half full tonight.

Marie hurried out of the kitchen, carrying a large tray of food and drink. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted the trainees, six of them, all young men, chattering loudly at their table. She set down her current delivery, making certain that Table 8 had everything in order, and scurried back to the kitchen to drop off the tray.

The trainees were still talking as she walked up to their table. They were probably too young for stronger drink, but the nice thing was that trainees like them tended to come in packs, and even if not all of them drank, usually all of them ate, and that was good for business.

She didn't recognize this group though. Probably soon-to-be third years, trying to find their future watering hole. Only third years had the freedom to leave camp and head into town during their free time.

"Hello, gentlemen! How can I help you tonight?" She flashed a smile as she stood at their table and made sure to make eye contact with those she could to get their attention.

The first of them was the young man closest to her on her left. He and his friend across the table stopped talking immediately and he turned to shush the rest of them before looking back at her.

"This is our first time here," he said. "Do you have anything you recommend?"

He had a friendly, expressive face, framed by his neatly parted blond hair. More of a handsome, than cute, Marie thought, and though he was sitting, she supposed he was pretty tall. He couldn't be that old, being a trainee, but he already had a strong jaw that she would expect more often on someone a few years older.

"The baked chicken and potatoes is popular with many of our customers," said Marie. "People also like the pork and the grilled carp. The fish was bought fresh this morning from market. We guarantee it. If you would like something lighter, we have our family's special soup recipe that we always keep ready in the pot."

"I guess I'll try the chicken," said the trainee. "And I'd like a mug of beer to go with it."

She liked his smile, and returned it with one of her own before turning her attention to the next trainee, and in this way she worked her way down the left side of the table, around the back to the right, until the orders at last came to the trainee closest on her right.

He was a stark contrast to the blond trainee opposite him. Though he was not short by any means, he had a lean, angular look about him that made Marie wonder if he had been well fed as a child. Whereas his friend's head had scarcely a hair out of place, his own was barely combed at all, with black locks left to fall whichever direction they pleased.

And he wanted whiskey.

"Are you sure you're old enough for that?" she asked, half-joking. "It's pretty strong if you're not used to it."

It wasn't that her parents wouldn't sell it to a trainee. As far as they were concerned, anyone old enough for military service ought to be old enough to hold their alcohol, but she didn't want to clean the floor if he started puking it up.

He winced. "Do I look that young to you?"

Trainees could start as young as twelve, so even if he was an incoming third year, he could still be young. Eyeballing him, she decided that he was likely fifteen, he couldn't possibly much older, so she said, "Yes."

He looked back at her, making his own assessment and said, "I'm probably older than you. You don't even look old enough to be working here."

"Oh?" Now she was interested.

"I'm sixteen."

Marie grinned. "I'm seventeen. Do I win anything?"

He stared at her, surprised, and his friend across the table chuckled. "Looks like the wrong bet to take, Nile."

Nile snorted. "Shut it, Erwin." Then he turned back to Marie and said, "Sorry, I guess we both look young."

"But does she win anything?" asked the boy on Nile's right.

Nile shot him a withering look and added, "And I'll buy you a drink, for when your shift is over. Assuming you think I'm old enough."

"That's kind of you, but I'm all right," said Marie, more amused than anything else. "I'll be back with your orders as soon as I can."

-AoT-

The trainees stayed late into the evening, and ordered more drinks after their first round was gone and even after their food was as well. Nile did not puke, to Marie's relief, though it helped that he did not ask for more past his first order. Without many other customers to tend to and the night waning, Marie dallied with the trainees and listened to their stories. She did not have much else to do and they were good company.

And well behaved. Some of the other trainees from camp were rowdy and she'd heard more than enough off color remarks that came with the nature of the business. This group was a bit loud, but more the loudness that came from friends having a good time than because most of them were drunk and couldn't control their speech anymore.

As she suspected, they were headed into their third year, and she discovered that most of them were here because of the one called Erwin, the blond trainee with the neatly parted hair. He was something of their ringleader, both in and out of training, and from the looks of it, a valued friend.

"Erwin didn't have any place to go back to over break," said Nile. "His mother passed away last year, and his father's already gone as well. Werner, Brett, and I decided to stay to keep him company, and Darren and Andy were stuck here anyway so they came with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said.

Erwin shook his head. "It's all right. It was rough, but it's been long enough that I can talk about it now. And these guys," —he gestured to his friends— "are like a second family to me."

Marie smiled. "I can imagine that. You must spend a lot of time together; studying, practicing, and you learn to rely on each other."

"Erwin is the best strategist in the entire camp," said Nile. "When we do team exercises everyone wants to be in his squad."

"There are plenty of people with good heads besides me," said Erwin. "But if you want good riders, if you're going to put someone on a horse, you want Nile. And if you want hand-to-hand combat, you want Brett. Andy might as well be a bird once you see him in the trees..."

"See, that's what I mean," said Nile, before Erwin could continue. "We know what we're good at, but you really consider these things when you put together a team. You know _how_ to fit people together."

Erwin shrugged. "Assuming they let me. You know they don't like us to get too comfortable with the same group of people. Once we graduate we can't expect to be assigned to the same squad, even if we go into the same branch."

"Are you going to try to stay together?" Marie asked.

Nile nodded emphatically. "Yeah. We'd like to, and it's not like it's gonna be hard. We're top of our class. No one's going to talk us out of anything. We'd be wasted in the Garrison."

Marie thought of the men who were mostly soldiers in name and not much else. It was common to see them drinking or playing cards while on the job, because if the walls didn't need repair, or there wasn't a riot of some kind, there wasn't much for them to do. She supposed it was a necessary job, but not a glamorous one, though she supposed the Garrison soldiers themselves could be nice enough. There were a few who were regulars here.

If anything she thought Garrison work was too easy. Even if it required some training, they didn't have to be on their feet all day. Her father toiled behind the bar six days a week and Marie and her mother took orders and delivered food for as long as the bar was open. Their cook, Nance, didn't have it any easier. But if they stayed busy, they earned enough to get by, with a little extra for a rainy day.

Unlike the Garrison, the other branches worked. She knew the elite of the Military Police guarded the king, and she often saw their most junior members on patrol. As for the Survey Corps... She might not have seen them in action, but she doubted anyone willing to go outside the walls to face titans was giving anything less than their best. If a soldier wanted to idle away his days, there were much safer places to be.

"Not according to Instructor Baumer," said the trainee named Andy, interrupting her thoughts. "He'd like us in the Garrison. I heard him talking to one of the captains from Karanes saying how we'd be perfect."

"He doesn't have a say," said Nile, dismissive.

Erwin agreed. "He really doesn't. The only regulation that blocks anyone from going to whichever branch they want is the Top 10 requirement for the Military Police. He could try persuading us, but salaries are set. It's not like he can offer us any perks."

"Can you imagine?" asked Brett. "If they tried offering us better barracks, or a keg of beer every week for signing up?"

"I think they get the beer already," said Andy.

Nile sniggered.

"Since you guys are top of the class," said Marie, "does that mean you're going into the Military Police?"

"We could," said Erwin, with an easy smile, "but we've got something bigger in mind."

"Survey Corps," said Nile.

"Survey Corps?" she echoed.

There weren't many soldiers in that branch, and being that she lived comfortably within Wall Rose, she only saw them pass through on the occasional bit of business. Most of them were based around Shiganshina in Wall Maria, to more easily get to the outside. She'd heard some people call them a waste of lives and money, and then there were others who were proud of them for exploring the outside world, but all this had come to her secondhand, as she had never spoken to one before.

Now here were six, who planned to join.

"There's a big world out there," said Erwin, "and a history we barely know anything about. Our ancestors fled here a century ago, but what kind of world did they leave behind? There must still be something out there. The titans couldn't have ruined it all. We know they chase people, but they don't bother with anything else. There could be cities, libraries, troves of artifacts left behind. I want to find those things."

Nile grinned. "And our job will be to keep him alive long enough to do so."

"You're not also looking for history?" asked Marie.

"It's interesting," said Nile. "But I'm not as much of a dreamer as Erwin. I'm going, because one, Erwin's my friend, and two, I know the group of us are going to make an excellent squad. I wasn't kidding about Erwin being a good strategist. He's honestly a really good leader, and I'm sure the six of us can take down a titan."

* * *

 _A/N: I was rereading the manga in advance of the second season and realized that at some point Erwin had became my favorite character. I really liked how he and Nile used to be friends when they were younger, and the story of how the woman Erwin loved eventually became Nile's wife. It was a small detail in the grand scheme of things, but brought an extra dimension to both men._

 _I'm a little surprised no one seems to have written this story yet considering how large the_ Attack on Titan _fandom is, but maybe I'm the only one who wants to see a young Erwin and Nile in a sappy love triangle? The story is starting with Marie to stay neutral between the two, but eventually we'll see their POVs as well._

 _Writing a less jaded Erwin and Nile is interesting. Young Erwin has a really earnest, bright-eyed look to him as a trainee. Young Nile looks more like a dork, and not nearly as sour-faced as his older self. I decided to make them both sixteen at the start of their third year (so they'll be seventeen at graduation), which is a little older than Eren and company, but still younger than I think they should have been considering that they make their life choices about whether to be with Marie_ before _selecting their service branch. I couldn't really make them any older though, given the manga artwork._


	2. Chapter 2: The Three

Chapter 2: The Three

They made the Survey Corps sound like an adventure. Over the next two weeks the trainees talked about their years in training, what they thought it would be like in the coming year, and their hopes for the future.

Sometimes it was only four of them who visited the bar, sometimes all six, but among them, she always saw Erwin and Nile. The two were inseparable.

And she wasn't entirely ignorant about why they were visiting either. Even if her mother hadn't said, "I think they like you," while nudging her to their table, Marie could tell. She could see how their faces lit up, how they asked her how she was doing instead of just placing an order.

Other boys had looked at her that way before, and a few of them had been customers. She was never quite sure though, whether they liked her for herself, or because she happened to be a friendly barmaid willing to talk to them. Her friends said it was because she was pretty, and she knew her long hair was something trainees didn't often see among their peers, but still...

She wasn't surprised that a trainee close to her age, one that was close to graduation, would start thinking about courting a girl, but she wasn't sure that she should _be_ that girl.

These six would probably transfer to Shiganshina or somewhere around Wall Maria after graduation if they were joining the Survey Corps, and that meant if there was going to be any lasting relationship with any of them she would have to move to wherever they were posted. It wouldn't be like the training camp, where they were just a quick ride away.

Marie liked it here in Wall Rose, and she was an only child. Her parents were still healthy, but she didn't know about the future. Staying here would be best for their sake.

"Do you want to go out to the Titan Forests?" asked Erwin. "We were thinking of going somewhere on our last day of break. The bar is closed that day, right?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Marie could see her mother watching, amused. She'd told her mother that the trainees were in the top of their class, but not that they wanted to enter the Survey Corps. Her mother probably thought an MP would be a good match for her. Stable job, and with good pay if he moved up the ranks. After all, only the best could make it in.

"Who's going?" she asked.

"Well, it was supposed to be four of us," said Nile, "but Werner and Brett decided they'd rather rest up before training starts again. So it's just Erwin and me. But we'd love your company."

The two of them. That might not be so bad. Then it wouldn't really be a date.

"We plan to take a carriage out," said Erwin, "and then go for a walk down the trails out there. One of the instructors says there's a good one northeast of here that isn't too crowded, and he's willing to loan us a map."

Marie glanced at her mother, who gestured for her to go ahead, and inwardly sighed. Not because she didn't want to go, but because she was afraid of what her mother would make of the trip afterwards.

"It sounds like fun," she said. "When did you want to meet?"

Erwin's face brightened immediately. "We'll flag down a carriage in the morning, so we can spend the day out there. We can pack a lunch..."

"I can take care of lunch," said Marie. She waved vaguely behind her in the direction of the kitchen. "You guys pay for the carriage and we'll call it even."

"Sure! Let's do that."

"The door's still open, even at week's end," said Marie. "Just call out when you get here. We have a few customers that stop by and pick up orders for bread or pies on the day we're otherwise closed."

-AoT-

The day of the trip, Marie made certain to pack their lunch early, and to fill the basket herself lest her mother get involved. Her father didn't hover nearly so much, though he did remind her of how to throw a man and kick him while he's down. They were basic lessons for dealing with unruly customers who might be inclined to try something with a young barmaid. Or at least, he had treated them as basic lessons before he'd allow his daughter to go work the bar.

He also asked her if she wanted to borrow his shotgun for the day. Her father was licensed to keep one, and being a bar owner it was good for security. He'd taught her to use it too, but that wasn't what she wanted to bring on a sightseeing trip with two trainees. Maybe if they were going hunting, but she didn't think this was going to be that kind of trip.

Maybe she should have asked. If she bagged something, she could take it home for cooking.

The faces of Erwin and Nile popped in her mind and she wondered how they'd feel about that. Most barmaids didn't go hunting. Truthfully she didn't much either. But if you had a gun and you were hungry, hunting started looking pretty good. Especially if business was bad. It wasn't right now, thankfully, but fortunes change.

When she heard the knock at the door and spotted Erwin through the window she shouted, "I'm heading out, Mama, Papa! I'll see you later!"

She caught her mother wishing her luck as she opened the door, bell jingling, and she saw Erwin and Nile on the other side. The sun was bright and she shaded her eyes with her hand. This was the first time she'd seen them in daylight, and she hadn't realized how tall Erwin was. Nile was fairly average, but Erwin was taller than her dad.

"We got the carriage," said Nile, which she could see behind them, and he held open the door for her.

The inside was large enough to comfortably seat four. She sat on one side and the two trainees planted themselves opposite her, and she wasn't sure if that was for her comfort or because one of them would not forgive the other if he took the initiative to sit next to her.

"Do they have picnic grounds out there?" she asked, as she felt the carriage start moving. "If not, we can eat along the way."

Erwin glanced at the ceiling, clearly trying to recall, and Nile flatly said, "I don't know."

"We should have brought a blanket or something to sit on, just in case," said Erwin.

Nile shook his head. "We'd have to haul it around afterwards. It wouldn't be convenient. It's not like we could fit it in a lunch basket."

"A thin one might fit in a rucksack."

"It's all right," said Marie. "I didn't bring anything that can spill. We should be fine eating in here."

And they were.

The trip out to the forest was easy, the carriage taking the worn path carved by the many carriages before them. They couldn't entirely avoid dropping a few crumbs, but she'd packed sausage rolls and dried apples, things that kept and did not make a mess. When they arrived at the carriage station, the sun was up high and the air was warm, making it feel a little closer to summer than spring.

Nile paid the driver and Erwin unfolded a map in front of her, so she could see the layout of the trails. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.

She peered up, and the trees were so tall they seemed to go on for forever. Then she looked down again and ahead of where they stood. There were other carriages waiting, having deposited their customers and remaining ready for whenever someone wanted to head back. Just beyond them was an inn for overnight travelers, and furrther out, a path plunging deep into the mammoth forest.

"Going inside there... it's like getting eaten," she said.

Nile chuckled, and she saw he'd rejoined them. "The trees aren't titans," he said. "And they're tall enough to make even titans look small."

"Have you ever seen one?" she asked. "A titan?"

He shook his head.

"We have models for training," said Erwin. "They're made to be the same height as the real ones. Everyone has to practice against them, even if they have no intention of joining the Survey Corps. It's so if the walls are ever breached the soldiers will know how to fight them."

If the walls ever were...

"We're not really in danger of that, are we?" she asked.

"I doubt it," said Nile. "Otherwise the Garrison would never get away with slacking as much as they do. One of our instructors said that the titans often pound at the walls, but they're too thick for them to break though. Apparently if you're on top of Wall Maria you can see them milling around below."

"So how tall are they?"

Erwin pointed at a thick branch a meter or so over the roof of the inn. "A small one might go up to there. A big one, three or four times the size."

Her eyes bugged. The tree still had plenty of trunk left to go before reaching the upper branches, but at least those didn't move. The idea that there was something that large that chased people, that ate them... No wonder humanity moved behind the walls.

"So did you pick a route?" asked Nile.

Marie shook her head. "Did you guys have a preference?"

"Only if you don't," said Erwin, again offering her the map.

She studied it and said, "Let's take this one."

The map called it the Wildflower Trail.

-AoT-

Marie chose it because the trail wound along the outside of the Titan Forest and because of the name. It was spring, and the trail lived up to the promise of its naming, with gorgeous beds of wildflowers lining the edges of the forest.

"It's like a lake of flowers," said Marie, looking at the waves of white, pink, and lilac that stretched as far to the west as she could see.

The early afternoon sun shone down and the air was comfortably warm beneath its light, cooler in the shade beneath the mammoth trees. Marie loved the smell of the flowers and the forest; earthy, clean. There were others on the trail with them, some families, some couples, but the three of them were the only ones who stopped here, right where the flowers met the forest.

They grew tall, almost to her waist, and stopped only where the path had been worn down by many human feet. And _still_ they were so incredibly dwarfed by the nearest trees only a few meters away.

"I guess there's nothing quite like this in town," said Erwin.

"It looks like they go on forever," said Marie, "like they could stretch all the way to Wall Sina."

"Did you want to stop and pick some?" Nile asked.

She looked around and saw that some people had, but she shook her head. "No, I think they're better this way. They wouldn't look as good sitting in the bar. No one would know how beautiful they really are."

It was their height, the sheer numbers of them that made them what they were. At home she could keep them in a vase, but they weren't bred to be decorations. They probably wouldn't last nearly so well as those raised and cut by a florist.

Still, she cradled one in her hand and stroked the silky petals, taking care not to break it away from the rest of the plant. It was good to have come out here, to remember there was more than life in bars and streets full of people.

"Do you have a favorite type of flower?"

It was Erwin who asked, and she glanced down, pretending to be absorbed in the one she held.

She realized that he probably wanted to know for a reason, and she wondered if that meant he wanted to give her flowers.

That would be... nice, she thought. Maybe it wouldn't have to mean anything, but it would be nice. No one had ever given her any before, even the other trainees who had flirted with her in the past. They talked a good game, but in the end nothing changed.

"White calla lilies," she said. "They look like bells and remind me of home."

The bell that rang every time the door to the bar opened, but pale like snow.

"Are there any here?" Erwin shaded his eyes with his hands and looked out over the flowery expanse.

"Doesn't look like it," said Nile.

"There aren't any," said Marie. "I just meant they're my favorite in general."

She tried to hide the disappointment she felt. Marie had hoped his question meant she would receive flowers later, when they got back, but maybe that wasn't really why he'd asked at all.

* * *

 _A/N: This chapter ends a little sad, but don't worry, Marie will getting a surprise next chapter. I hope people are liking her, considering that she hasn't been portrayed in the manga or anime, so we don't really know her personality. I really want her to be her own character rather than a nebulous girl that Erwin and Nile have fallen for. (And I like the idea that she knows how to use a shotgun because she works in a bar.)_

 _While I made Marie a waitress at her parents' bar for this story, I don't think it's actually said that she worked at the bar where they met her. She could have been another customer._

 _If you haven't followed any of my work before, I tend to post a chapter each week on Saturday nights according to my time zone (west coast US) so everyone has a new chapter by Sunday._


	3. Chapter 3: Cherished Gift

Chapter 3: Cherished Gift

Marie woke up late the next day. She could tell from how high the sun was, and she sat up immediately, throwing off the covers. How could her mother let her doze so late? Customers could be here any minute for lunch, and while that wasn't their busiest time of day, she knew she should be downstairs in the kitchen.

 _Why why why?_

She dressed in a hurry, swung out the door to the alley and ran down the steps in the rear of the building before entering again through the back door that led into the kitchen. Nance was already setting aside fresh baked loaves of bread to be served later that day and the older woman smiled at her.

"Good morning, young lady. I heard you were out late with a couple of gentlemen yesterday."

Marie tied back her hair and shook her head. "It's not like that. Our carriage broke down on the way home. That's why we came back so late. Why didn't Mama come and wake me?"

"She wanted you to have a chance to rest. It's not so busy yet."

The fresh bread was making her ravenous. "Then can I eat?" Marie asked.

"Go ahead." Her mother emerged from the front room carrying a conical bundle of paper in her arms. "No one's here yet."

Marie grabbed a plate and opened the pantry to dig for some cheese and sausages to compliment the bread.

"But," said her mother, "did you want your present first?"

"Present?" Marie echoed. She turned around.

"One of the young men from the day before stopped by early this morning. He wanted to give you a gift, but you were asleep and I told him I didn't want to wake you. He was in a hurry himself, he said something about this being the first day of training, so he agreed to let you rest."

Marie stared at the bundle in her mother's arms. "Oh... then?"

Her mother nodded and offered it to her. "These are for you."

When she pulled back the paper she could see the neatly tied bouquet of beautiful white calla lilies. He must have taken so much care, both in selecting and carrying them from the florist. Not a flower was crumpled or bruised.

"You like them?" asked her mother.

Marie knew she had a silly grin on her face and said, "Yes."

Erwin. He really had gotten her flowers.

"I can't believe it," she said.

"So do you think you'll favor him with a little attention?" Her mother smiled.

" _Mama_..." Marie rolled her eyes. "I can't leave you and Papa alone. He's a military trainee. He doesn't know where he'll be stationed after graduation. I'm not moving halfway across the Walls away from you."

Her mother patted her on the head. "Indulge a little. You don't know what's going to happen. If you like this young man, and he likes you in return, you might find a way to make it work. And if not, you're a bright girl with a good head on your shoulders. You'll meet someone else."

Maybe.

"I'll put these upstairs," she said.

Marie filled a vase with water and placed the calla lilies inside. Careful, she carried them up the stairs and to her family's living quarters above the bar. She set the vase by her bed, so she could see the flowers when she woke and when she went to sleep. She knew they wouldn't last, but she wanted to keep them as long as she could, so she could better remember that someone had once given them to her.

-AoT-

A few days later.

Erwin and his squadmates hunched over panting, looking at the scoreboard the instructors had hung in the clearing by the training field. Their horses snorted and ambled as far as their reins would let them, in much better shape than their riders were now.

"We smoked them," Darrin breathed. "When you build the team, that's what happens."

Their score was easily twice that of their nearest competitor, and because of that Erwin was pretty sure that the instructors would never let them team up again. Not only because it would be discouraging for everyone else, but they would want such a high scoring team to share their expertise with the rest of the trainees.

"I can't believe that worked." Nile leaned against his horse, head on her withers.

"You cinched it for us," said Erwin. "No one else in the training corps could have landed straight from maneuvering gear onto a galloping horse. That saved us a lot of time."

"Only because you were crazy enough to call for it," said Nile. "I'd never done that in a combat exercise before, and horsing around in the paddock doesn't count." He patted the mare beside him. "It only worked because it was Blue. If I wasn't allowed to ride her I wouldn't have even tried. Isn't that right, girl?"

The reason Nile was allowed to ride Blue wasn't so much the synergy that they had between them so much as Blue eventually champed at all the other trainees who tried to ride her. Nile was the only one yet to come away without being bitten. Ironically, Erwin attributed it to the fact that Nile _hadn't_ known much about horses before signing up, so he had no expectations.

Some people assumed horses to be interchangable, biddable creatures, and some horses were kind enough that they humored such riders, but not Blue. Nile had met Blue two years ago when the trainees were first being taught to ride. He was so intent on being her friend before he ever got on her back that he eventually became the only one who could safely ride her.

"We should ask if you can take Blue when you graduate," said Erwin. "I'm serious. Most trainees are happy just using their maneuvering gear to take off of a horse. No one tries landing on one like you do. A skill like that will let you cross terrain faster than anyone. Tree, horse, tree again. And if you can only do it on Blue, then take Blue. The Survey Corps probably has a horse close to retirement to trade that would better suited to new rider, and you said yourself she's wasted here."

On account of no one else being able to ride her. By her breeding she should be a runner, not a wagon or a pack horse, but if Nile wasn't riding her, that was all she was used for.

"I suppose," said Nile, but he smiled as the mare turned her head and nuzzled his jacket.

Erwin reflected on the final stretch of the exercise, how Nile had whistled for Blue in mid-air, and the mare had _been there,_ already racing at a gallop as he came down on her back. If there was anything that could get a Survey Corps soldier away from titans in a hurry, it was their horse, and Nile would be able to make the fastest escape out of anyone.

"Heads up, trainees!" Instructor Baumer's voice boomed out over the crowd as he ran through the highlights of the exercise and ordered the trainees to take their horses back to the paddock.

Erwin rolled his shoulders, trying not to let the stiffness set in after the afternoon's exertion. His own horse snorted and ambled forward on her own, trying to follow her stablemates as the the first trainees started filing away with their mounts. Erwin pulled her back with a word and a slight pull of the reins. He wasn't as close to Pfeffer as Nile was to Blue, and sometimes he didn't have the luck of getting to her first during mount selection. Pfeffer was friendly, well-behaved, and happy to please as long as her rider wasn't a brute about using her, which made her popular.

There were at least five other trainees that Erwin would see trying for her on days with mounted exercise, whereas Nile could be the last trainee at the paddock and find Blue waiting for him. Sometimes Erwin envied him, for not having to fight everyone else to get his favorite horse.

Erwin guided Pfeffer alongside Blue as she and Nile started walking.

"Hey, Nile," he said. "This isn't about the exercise, but I've been doing some thinking."

His friend glanced at him and then asked, "This isn't about your theory again is it?"

Erwin laughed self-deprecatingly. "Don't worry, I'm not going to put that on you again, and anyway, I can't prove anything until we're out in the field. _Then_ you'll see."

Nile rolled his eyes. "I'm coming with you to explore outside the walls, not to look for magical memory erasing powers."

"It _had_ to have happened."

"And you're going at it, even though you just said you wouldn't."

"Sorry." Erwin frowned. "What I actually wanted to ask you is if you wanted to go back to that bar again tonight. I know it's a bit of a trip after exercising all afternoon, but we don't have as much free time anymore either."

"I'll go." Nile's response was immediate.

"Me too," said Werner.

Erwin turned and saw his other friend had come up alongside him, clumsily leading his gelding. Werner could ride, but he didn't have much horse sense. He'd been forced to choose one of the most forgiving horses in the camp, but that same forgiving nature meant that it was harder to get his horse to do much of anything competitive. The only time Werner had managed a gallop was when he ended up in the back of the squad and his horse didn't want to be left behind.

"Count me in," said Brett, piping up from the other side of Werner.

"But is it really the bar, or the barmaid you guys took out to the Titan Forest?" Darrin's voice came from the other side of Nile.

Erwin shrugged, trying not come off too eager, but admitted, "Well, she is pretty cute."

-AoT-

And Nile considered those words as he hitched Blue by the tack room and removed her bridle and saddle, leaving her with just a halter. Marie _was_ cute, and he supposed Erwin was probably interested in her, but then, so were the other guys. Werner had been mortified when Marie had accepted the invitation, seeing as he had already declined to go himself, and admittedly Nile and Erwin had lorded that decision over his head. Werner _could_ have gone too. Both him and Brett. But they'd bailed and he and Erwin hadn't let them crowd back in just because Marie was coming.

He wasn't sure if Marie would have gone if there had been that many of them. The carriage out to the Titan Forest would have been crowded, and there was no way she could have avoided sitting right next to one of them.

Nile brushed Blue down, taking care to clean her hooves and sponge out the sweat on her back. It had been a good workout today. Then he took Blue by the lead rope and led her out to the paddock, where he removed her halter and set her free with the other horses. She turned around as he closed the gate and pushed her nose against his chest until he took out the dried apples he'd been keeping in the pocket of his jacket.

He glanced around to make sure the stablemaster wasn't in sight and said, "Fine, you've earned them."

She swiped them from his open hand with a wet tongue and snorted her appreciation.

He really shouldn't be feeding her food saved from his own meals, and the stablemaster would say he was spoiling her, but he didn't see how he could ask her to put up with the things he did without a reward of some kind, especially something as stupid as swinging down like a diving bird on cables. Nile wouldn't have been surprised if she had chosen to let him faceplant the first time he tried it. Instead she put up with him and his stunts.

"We'll do it again next time, right?"

Of course she didn't answer, but he wondered if what Erwin said was possible, if he really could take Blue with him into the Survey Corps.

But she was safer here. He wasn't sure that he wanted to subject Blue to running from titans. He had a choice. She didn't. And even though titans didn't target horses, they could still be killed as collateral damage.

"I can't ask other girls," said Nile, as he stroked the mare's head, "hell, I can't even ask the other guys, but what do you think? Do you think a girl, a human girl, would like me?"

Blue gave herself a shake, mane flying every which way, but then she loomed close, one of her large dark eyes looking into his. In a way, it was reassuring.

Nile heard voices behind him and stepped to the side, causing Blue to follow him, and two weary trainees let their own horses into the paddock while staying well away from Blue. Her ears swiveled back, quite aware of their presence, and Nile could see her tense.

"Easy," he said, reaching over the fence to place a hand on her withers. "They're not going to hurt you."

Blue didn't relax, but neither did she budge.

The other trainees left unmolested, and Blue snorted.

"Still here, Nile?"

He turned around to see Brett waving at him. Erwin and Werner stood just behind.

"We're already done," said Brett. "If we're going to head to the bar, we shouldn't wait much longer. There's another group already getting a wagon together. We'll need to share."

"I'm coming!" said Nile.

He gave Blue an affectionate pat in farewell and started walking. If only human girls were as easy to figure out as a horse.

* * *

 _A/N: My younger version of Nile was originally going to be written as more of an anti-hero/rival character to Erwin, and bickering with him in a way that makes them both stronger. For instance, he was going to bitch at Erwin about nearly getting him killed in this chapter's exercise, but it was hard to reconcile that with the flashback scenes of Nile, who is always_ smiling _. So I dialed it back to make it clearer they're on good terms even though Nile doesn't always agree._

 _Nile's horse, Blue, was an unexpected surprise. I wanted to give each of Erwin's friends some combat trait (like Keith Shadis does for the 104th) to make them distinctive from each other, and I ended up giving Nile horseback riding, which made it interesting when I wanted to have a training exercise in this chapter. I had to make Nile an unusually good rider when presumably all soldiers know how to ride, but the really crazy things you see a horse and rider do together (circus act stuff) are generally the result of long hours the two worked together to pull them off, which meant that Nile had to be restricted to a single horse. Explaining how that happened bloomed into a lot more storytelling than I expected._

 _Last, but not least, thank you RR for the glowing review!_


	4. Chapter 4: Missing Things

Chapter 4: Missing Things

Marie shouldn't have been surprised to see Erwin back in the bar again, along with Nile and their friends, but she hadn't wanted to expect him or the others, in the event she would end up disappointed. Her mother's words came to mind, about favoring him a little, but even though she still had the flowers, now drooping a little, she couldn't quite bring herself to think about starting a relationship. She didn't know him very well.

Still, she found herself looking at Erwin more than she wanted to admit.

She liked the easy way he spoke to his friends, the fervor with which he believed in something even as his companions laughed. And he had never been anything less than polite to her. She remembered how the night they first met he was the one who brought the table to attention.

"I wasn't sure I'd see you all again after the training year started." She set down their first round of drinks.

"We decided we like this place," said Erwin, and he spoke as if it was really as simple as that. Though a snigger in the back from Werner said otherwise.

"But haven't you been training all day?"

"We are _beat_ ," said Darrin, slouching for emphasis. He shrugged. "But a good round of beer fixes that."

"We'll still come here," said Nile. "It just won't be as often. We had a good exercise this afternoon though, and that's worth celebrating."

"Our squad came in first in the class." Brett puffed out his chest.

Marie smiled. "Congratulations, gentlemen. I wish I could have seen it."

"Well, if you'd like, we have a city exercise coming up next month," said Erwin. "Our class will be practicing around here. It's the one combat environment we can't easily train in while we're out at camp. We don't have enough buildings, especially tall ones. We'll all be in it, but probably not on the same squad. Not after what we pulled off today."

"I've seen those sometimes," said Marie. The military usually held them at week's end, when most of the businesses were closed so people could have a day's rest. Having trainees mock-fighting in the streets was best done when fewer people were about. "Is there a good place for civilians to watch?"

"The best spots are taken by the instructors, but you should be able to get a view if you can get on the roof of any building three stories or higher that runs along the training area. You won't be able to get too close for safety reasons, but people do watch."

"You can also be inside the buildings within the exercise area," said Nile. "Obviously the instructors don't want to kick people out of their homes and businesses for this. Everyone has to stay inside, but that doesn't stop people from watching through the windows."

"Is that safe?" she asked.

"Not really," said Andy, his voice deadpan. "People do it anyway."

"We're trained not to aim our maneuvering gear at windows because they're not secure enough as anchoring points," said Nile. "That's true whether or not there's someone on the other side. But sometimes people panic, and the anchors go wild. Realistically, yeah, accidents can happen, but I think your chances of getting impaled by an anchor are pretty low. If they weren't, there's no way we'd be allowed to do this."

Marie was not certain that was a good enough reassurance, but then Erwin added, "You should be safe if you're on the ground floor. Remember, we'll be high up, because we have to go for the neck of a titan and anchoring close to the ground doesn't give us any height or maneuverability. It won't stop a fall either."

That made sense. "Is there a place you recommend?" she asked.

"Well, if you want to watch us specifically," said Nile, "we don't have our assignments yet, but we can let you know when we do."

And then she would have to choose if the group of them were not on the same squad. It would probably be too obvious if Erwin ended up by himself and he was the only one she watched, but maybe that would be all right.

"Thanks," she said. "Let me know."

She tried not to hover too much while the trainees drank. There were other customers to tend to anyway, but she made sure keep an eye on them, waiting for a chance when she might be able to catch Erwin alone, and when they made to leave, she asked him to wait.

Werner overheard, chortled, and pushed the other guys out ahead of him. Nile glanced back, with a hint of disappointment, but went with the rest.

"What is it?" asked Erwin. He sounded concerned, when there was no reason for him to be at all.

"I..." Her voice failed her, and she swallowed. "I just want to thank you for the trip to the Titan Forest, and especially for the flowers."

"Oh." He smiled. "You're welcome, of course. But it wasn't just me. Nile helped too, and it was fun for the both of us."

"Well, yes, all three of us went, but it's really the flowers..." that she appreciated, though she felt silly about it. They were wilting already, but still, they existed, they were in her room, and someone had given them to her. "No one's ever given me any before and..."

A loud crack burst from outside and something clattered to the ground accompanied by a shout of "Oh shit!"

Confusion crossed Erwin's face and he turned around in time to see Brett duck back inside. "Erwin, can you come out here and help? And actually, Marie, if your father has a lantern we could borrow..."

"What happened?" she asked.

"One of the wagon wheels is broken. We've got a spare, but we need a light to change it. And we still have to head to another bar tonight to pick up the guys we came into town with."

Marie sighed. "All right." She suppose if a wheel was going to be break, it _would_ be right as a crowd of young men were climbing into the wagon bed. But a part of her relaxed. She had thanked Erwin, and she wasn't sure she was ready for anything more.

-AoT-

The trainees continued to visit about twice a week, which Erwin felt was more than enough. There wasn't much to do in the barracks in the evenings, but taking the wagon all the way out to town every night didn't let them get much rest either. He didn't let any of his friends get drunk enough for a hangover, much to Brett's dismay, but even then, the trip often cut into the time they needed to sleep, especially if anything happened like the time the wagon wheel broke.

That didn't mean that they couldn't see Marie any other time though. It was Nile who suggested they go hunting with her at week's end, after finding out that her father would loan her his shotgun. That had been fun. The three of them and Werner went out to one of the forests and bagged a boar. While Erwin considered himself a good shot and Nile gave a run for her money, it was Marie who ultimately brought it down. The trainees got free food and beer for a week after turning all the meat over to the bar.

The following week Marie visited them at the training camp on her day off and they gave her a tour of the paddocks and the barracks. Erwin would have liked to show Marie more of their training grounds, but those were off limited to visitors. Some of the trainees practiced even during their off hours, and he knew he ought to be as well, but having Marie around was different, pleasant, and Nile tended to rib him a little less if he was too busy showing off tricks with Blue.

Shortly after that, they had their squad assignments for the city exercise and Nile relayed them to Marie. As Erwin suspected the six of them who had scored so highly on the first major exercise of the year were broken up. Andy and Darrin ended up being assigned together, which was a stroke of luck for the two, since they'd been inseparable ever since they arrived from the same village, but Werner and Brett were split from each other and the rest of their friends entirely. That wasn't a problem for Brett, who was talkative and easily made friends, but caused a panic in Werner.

Nile, however, was assigned to the same squad as Erwin, so he knew he had at least one excellent team member, though he was surprised that Marie seemed so relieved that the two of them were on the same squad. She'd made such a point to be friendly to everyone. Erwin had noticed, even though she hadn't said anything of the sort.

"I'll be there to watch both of you," she said, her voice easily audible to the rest of their table. "I'll cheer you on."

"You don't have to watch just us," he said. After all, if she wanted to be fair, she would have to cheer all of them.

She might have said something more but then Darrin blurted, "Are you dense, Erwin?" and Marie made a horrified expression before scurrying away, tray in hand. There was still one last glass on it.

"And there went my drink," said Andy, shooting Darrin a glare.

"She knows all of you," said Erwin, annoyed.

"Yeah, but she's closest to you and Nile," said Brett. "You're the ones she spends time with. It's obvious that she would want to watch the two of you over any of us."

"Sorry!" Marie reappeared suddenly. She quickly set down Andy's drink, bowed her head in apology, and ducked back out of the conversation.

Erwin turned, watching her quite pointedly check on other customers to see if there was anything they needed. She didn't look back.

"Is she really going to cheer both of us?" Nile asked.

"She said she would," said Erwin.

"I know what she said, but... You know..."

Erwin wasn't sure he did, but he thought back to the day she visited their camp and Nile had brought out Blue. He had demonstrated handsprings, riding while hanging off one side of the horse, even upside-down. Marie had been entranced and Nile had been quite pleased at dinner that night.

"I'm sure she'll cheer for you," said Erwin. "You're her friend just as much as I am."

Nile inhaled a deep breath and exhaled just as loudly. "You're right." A comfortable smile returned to his face. "Let's give her a show then."

"Oh, I want to hear this!" said Brett. "What are you guys going to do?"

-AoT-

The tactics were always Erwin's fault. That's what Nile told him, even if he went along with them, even if, inexplicably, Nile was impressed with what Erwin came up with.

Grabbing on to another person in mid-flight was hard, but possible. Swinging them around was also hard, but possible. Doing that while they were hurtling straight at him in the middle of combat was... possible. Or so Erwin told himself.

This time they were divided in teams of three. Smaller squads, but lots of titan dummies. The instructors had wedged some of them into narrow streets, which made sense, but were hard to maneuver through. A trainee's sense of direction had to be good to avoid hitting walls, and they couldn't maintain much speed from swinging on their grappling lines when the lines could only stretch the short distance between buildings.

Then there were the dummies at the intersections, the ones meant to represent the largest of titans. The trainees were not allowed to go immediately for the nape, under the assumption that in a real world scenario they wouldn't be allowed a straight shot. They had to circle it, strike the limbs first to weaken the titan and reduce the chance of someone being grabbed, and then...

Nile made the shot for the nape, but so did their third team member, Pieter. They both noticed, a little late. Pieter boosted up, swinging up and over the titan dummy's head. Nile pivoted as well, reeling in both cables and firing a burst of gas that sent him away from the titan, and straight at Erwin.

That didn't have to be a problem. They knew enough not to get their lines tangled when Nile fired again. Erwin was lower so he could drop down, and then Nile would fly over him. But instead Erwin shot his cables into the walls on either side and boosted himself up as he sheathed his swords.

"Nile!" he shouted, stretching out his arms. "Grab on!"

There was still time. He was anchored, Nile was not, and the extended length of Erwin's grappling lines were locked, forming a pendulum swing. If Nile could get a hold of his wrists, Erwin could pull him in an arc over their anchor point, swing him underneath, and then let him go, redirecting his friend straight back at the titan. Given that he and Nile were facing head-on, it would take three revolutions to do this right.

Nile understood immediately and jammed his blades back in their sheaths, hilt still attached. He reached out. It was stupid dangerous, since without them he couldn't use his maneuvering gear and he was freefalling. He was counting on Erwin to get in range.

Erwin did.

He reached up, and Nile reached down, grabbing his wrists. Only one of them could get a grip while their bodies were facing the same direction, but they would fix that. Nile's momentum carried him over Erwin's head, pulling Erwin back as well. But Erwin's grappling lines anchored them, and Erwin leaned back, flipping Nile overhead, and redirecting his friend as his cables pulled taut and carried them back in a downward arc.

Nile didn't let go yet. He was still facing the way he had arrived, his back was towards the titan when they hit the point where he would eventually release, but now they had centrifugal force working for them, pulling them both out in a straight line.

Their second time over, at their apex while Nile was completely upside down, Nile pivoted and shifted his grip, changing wrists one hand at a time so that he turned a 180 and Erwin was able to grab his wrists in return.

Now they would go around one more time to rebuild momentum, and then Nile would launch, facing the correct direction and free to use his maneuvering gear again.

But as they came down the second time, Erwin's orientation was a little different, a little better for not having to adjust for Nile's incoming speed, or the fact that he was not already moving in a circular arc. They were perfectly in line this time, which allowed him to catch a glimpse of the streets below, including an open window through which he could see a pretty barmaid looking up at them.

Marie really was watching them.

They swung up again for the third revolution, but the momentum wasn't there. Erwin realized it a moment too late. They reached their apex with no speed remaining.

"Erwin, what the hell...?" said Nile.

And that was all he managed before gravity brought him down on top of Erwin, Nile's head colliding with Erwin's shoulder. Arms flailed. Metal clanged against metal. Sword sheaths or maneuvering gear, Erwin wasn't sure what. Somehow Nile ended up upside down, tangled in somebody's hilt cable, and then one of Erwin's grappling lines broke free of the eastern building, sending them both crashing into the wall on the west.

* * *

 _A/N: During my manga reread I noticed that Erwin is frequently referred to as "gambling" in regards to his plans when he's talking with his peers (Pixis and Nile), which I find interesting since the Survey Corps itself doesn't find Erwin irresponsible, so I wanted to showcase a little of his gambling as a trainee._

 _The move he and Nile attempt here is partially inspired by one a couple regular Survey Corps members do (sideways!) when fighting the Female Titan in episode 25, but I had to change it due to Erwin and Nile's orientation. Rewatching that clip made me realize_ why _they're positioned sideways. It's to avoid the reorientation that Nile does in my story, because if the catcher and the flyer are both oriented belly down during the catch, the flyer would be facing the wrong way when thrown back out. In the anime, the vertically oriented flyer twists 90 degrees before he and the horizontally oriented catcher grab hands, accomplishing the reorientation before they connect. This is why they're sideways. It makes it possible to throw the flyer back out with only a single revolution._

 _To RR: No, Erwin did not name Pfeffer (German for "pepper"). I figure the horses are generally named by whoever trained them if they were bred or purchased as foals for the military. If a horse was bought as an adult from an outsider they probably would keep their name unless it was something long or inappropriate._


	5. Chapter 5: Can't Explain

Chapter 5: Can't Explain

Marie saw Nile fall into Erwin. It was clear even to her that they didn't have enough speed to finish his swing over Erwin's head, and she cringed as she saw the line snap free and the two of them crash into the wall of her building. She leaned her head out the window, able to see them suspended, groaning, from their one remaining anchor and it wasn't long before an older woman, probably an instructor, grappled on to the wall and spoke to them.

A second person arrived, consulted the first, and the two of them worked together to untangle the trainees. Erwin looked dazed, barely responding to commands, and Nile's face was contorted. After freeing them, the two senior members departed, one carrying Erwin and the other Nile.

Marie couldn't leave the building until the exercise was over. That was the rule for those in the practice area, for their own safety. But it was agonizing waiting, wondering how badly they were hurt, and when the Training Corps instructors finally gave the all clear, she rushed outside and asked where the injured were treated.

There was a small area in the town square set up for emergency services, and she ran there.

She could see a few trainees milling around the periphery. They were all standing, and mostly in good spirits. The bulk of their injuries seemed to be bruises and some cuts. That was encouraging. People probably didn't get hurt too badly then.

Someone had laid out blankets for the injured to sit on, and further in she found a few of them were used by those still receiving treatment. Marie glanced around, spotted one person curled up in a fetal position, but sighed with relief when on a closer look she could see that he wasn't either of them. She picked her way around the scattered trainees, trying not to accidentally step on anyone or anything until at last she spotted them towards the back. Erwin was sitting on a blanket, head down, and Nile was standing, talking to him, with his right arm in a sling. It looked like his wrist was in a splint.

"Erwin! Nile!" She sprinted over. "Are you guys going to be all right?"

"Nothing broken," said Nile. He lifted his injured arm a few centimeters from his chest, careful to keep his forearm level. "I have a sprain, and I guess I'm pretty banged up, but it could have been worse."

"Mostly scrapes and bruises for me," said Erwin. He rubbed his temple, and turned his head just enough to meet Marie's eyes before looking down again. Bandages covered his left hand and she couldn't remember seeing him so tired before.

"It's not the first time we've screwed up this bad," said Nile, "but it's been a while. I don't think I've been out of commission like this since my first year. The nurse says that I'm not going to be able to put any strain on my arm for a week." He glanced down at Erwin. "What happened anyway? You were flawless the last time we tried that, and that was just a couple days ago."

Erwin barely moved. "I don't know. I can't explain it."

Nile sighed. "Well, it's done anyway. At least we didn't fail the exercise."

"They still counted after all that?" asked Marie.

"Yeah." Nile rolled his eyes. "There are no do-overs for something like this. We did down a number of targets before we screwed up, and Pieter kept going without us. It wasn't great, but it was decent."

"It was terrible," said Erwin, thumping the fist of his unbandaged hand against the blanketed cobblestone.

"We're in the middle of the pack," said Nile. "That's not great, but we still scored better than some people who actually finished."

"That's not the point." Erwin finally stood up, his expression fierce. "We need to be better than that. _I_ do."

"Isn't it okay," Marie asked, "if your ranking falls? You don't need to be in the Top 10 to join the Survey Corps. It's only for the Military Police, right?"

Erwin frowned, frustrated, and said, "It's not really any of that. I don't want to be good for my grades. I have to be good to survive out there. If that had been real, Nile and I would have been hanging there like a titan snack."

"That's why it's practice, Erwin." Nile's voice was even. "We haven't graduated yet, and we've still have several months to go."

"And neither of you were seriously hurt," said Marie, turning from one to the other. Though they had given her a scare, that was clearly true. "You both can walk away from this. I think that's a win."

"That's true, but..." Erwin exhaled and shook his head. "This probably wasn't the exercise you wanted to see. We invited you after talking about how great we were, and this is what you ended up with."

"I was impressed though, with both of you." Marie smiled, hoping Erwin would in return, and when she looked at Nile, he smiled as well. "Even though you didn't finish, I could see what you were going for. Erwin, you were going to catch Nile, swing him around, giving him time to change direction, and then throw him back at the titan. It's incredible, being able to do something like that so high above the ground, and yet you _can_ do it. Maybe you didn't make this time, but you'll get it the next."

"I'm still game for trying," said Nile.

Erwin looked down, but the corners of his lips turned up. "Of course I am too." He turned to Marie and offered his uninjured right hand. "Thanks."

She considered, and instead of shaking it, she clasped his hand in her left and reached out to take Nile's free hand in her right. Marie could feel the callouses on their palms, where they gripped their swords tight. Nile had an abrasion he hadn't bandaged along the outside of his hand, but it wasn't bleeding. These were the hands of those who would be soldiers. Different from her father's hands, which worked with food and drink.

"I can't fly like you two," she said. "But if I could, I'd want to do it again. Next time all right? I want to see you guys do it next time, even if you have to stage it for me."

She felt silly, heat rising to her cheeks, but Erwin squeezed her hand lightly, reassuring, and she felt an answering pressure from Nile.

"It's worth doing again," said Nile.

Erwin nodded. "Yeah."

-AoT-

The sun was setting as Erwin and Nile sat in the wagons going back to the training camp. Werner was dozing next to them and Brett had turned away to talk with Andy and Darrin. The latter two had snagged the top spot today with their squad, but Nile knew they wouldn't have beaten his if Erwin hadn't lost their momentum. It wasn't enough to passively let gravity pull them down in the middle of that move. They had use their bodies to swing, and if they didn't, then they ended up with exactly what happened. There hadn't been enough centrifugal force to keep Nile in the air, and even if they'd made it over the apex to the third descent, Nile wouldn't have had enough speed to launch himself at the titan's nape.

"Hey, Erwin," he said.

His friend looked up, chased out of whatever inner thoughts he'd been trapping himself in. "What?"

"Talk to me. What happened back there? It's not like you to screw up."

Erwin made a disgruntled noise, which was also unlike him. "Sorry. I got distracted, and I don't like that you could have gotten killed."

In the back of his mind, Nile had known. If he'd fallen just a little further in their upward arc, he could have slipped down Erwin's backside instead of hitting his shoulder. Erwin wouldn't have been able to grab him, and pointing headfirst, downward, Nile might have struck his skull on the cobblestone before he could get his maneuvering gear in hand again, let alone catching himself in time to break his fall.

"But that didn't happen," said Nile. "I could tell something was wrong on the way up. When I fell on you, that was on purpose, so that _wouldn't_ happen. You were still anchored." He shrugged. "I probably could've been more graceful, but grabbing on to you was a hell of a lot better than falling."

"I figured that was it," said Erwin, "but it doesn't change that it was my mistake."

Nile rolled his eyes. "So learn from it. No one logs more time in practice than you and I know for a fact that you screw up outside of our tests and group exercises. It's just most people don't see that because you make those mistakes early when other people aren't around. At least you didn't do it on purpose, like that jackass instructor who cut my grappling line our first year here. You gamble sometimes, and sometimes that means you're going to lose, but ultimately, I think, you know how to make a good call. We were close to pulling it off, and if we had, it would have worked."

Erwin did not reply.

Snatches of Brett's conversation with Darrin and Andy drifted over from the other end of the wagon. Brett had been impressed with their performance, and Andy was definitely the best out of their entire class at using their maneuvering gear. But he didn't use it as part of a duo. There were some things that a soldier could not do alone. That was where Nile and Erwin had an advantage.

Nile sighed, deciding to be frank.

"Do you like Marie?" he asked.

"What makes you think that?" Erwin looked surprised, but Nile didn't entirely buy it.

"You admit you got distracted now, but when we were getting patched up back in town you wouldn't talk about what happened in front of her. Are you afraid of looking bad or something?"

Erwin shook his head. "No, that's not it. I just needed some time to think about what went wrong, _why_ it went wrong." He paused. "What about you?"

Nile blinked. "What about me?"

"Your thoughts on Marie. Is that why you asked me if I like her?"

"No, I was just curious," said Nile. He shifted in his seat and turned to look at the road ahead of them. "But, there's something I've been wanting to ask her. I just don't know how, or even if it would be welcome."

"Why's that? I know we've only known her for a month, but she's always been friendly to you." Erwin smiled. "Even after you told her that she didn't look old enough to work in a bar. I don't think there's a reason she'd get offended."

"I suppose so, but... It's been a few weeks now and there's no good way to say it."

Nile had seen her look at Erwin, and knew well enough that it wasn't quite the same way she looked at him, and if Erwin liked her in return...

* * *

 _A/N: I decided to make Erwin a little discombobulated this chapter, which we don't normally see in him, but this is a younger, more earnest Erwin, and I figure he's the type to push himself unreasonably hard. We also see Nile bring up Marie for the first time with Erwin. They_ are _friends. It's not unexpected one of them would try to figure out where the other stands._

 _This chapter turned out a little shorter than I wanted, but don't worry, chapter 6 is going to be about twice as long as this one. (I know, because I've already drafted it. ^_^) I'd like to say that's to make up for this one, but really it's more because it wouldn't have worked as well if I split it in half._


	6. Chapter 6: Invitation

Chapter 6: Invitation

Seeing Marie became routine. Either she would come and visit them at week's end, or Erwin and Nile would visit her, and that did not count the times they frequented the bar with their friends. The other trainees noticed, of course. Though local visitors weren't unheard of, anyone other than a family member was a cause for gossip.

They were just friends, Erwin told them. And then someone, usually Werner or Brett, would laugh. Nile didn't help either. Though he didn't join in, his friend never refuted them, and in a way that bothered Erwin more than the laughter did.

Marie would often hang out with the larger group of Erwin and his friends, but today he was by himself when he spotted her on his way back to the barracks. He looked to see if Nile was still around, but didn't see him. His friend was probably halfway out to the paddocks by now. Marie was early today.

It might have been due to the weather. Summer had come and it would be hot by midday. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and Erwin was glad that today wasn't a training day, or he would be soaked in sweat.

Marie wore a pale blue dress and white hat with a floppy wide brim to cover her head and Erwin could not help thinking that it suited her. A matching blue ribbon wrapped around the base of the hat and tucked inside was a white bell-shaped flower. He thought it would surely wilt in the sun, but on closer inspection he saw that it was made of cloth. Purely decoration then.

"Good morning," he said. "Did the guards give you any trouble this time?"

She shook her head. "No. I think they've gotten used to seeing me, so this time they let me in without sending someone to get you or Nile." She smiled, embarrassed. "I guess I have been coming around a lot."

"That's good." Though it probably meant he and Nile would now be teased by the guards as well as their fellow trainees. "You must have gotten up around sunrise to make it out here by now. Isn't that early for you?"

Marie had told them that she slept in most days. Working the bar meant that her usual nights were late ones. Though it was still morning when she woke, depending on the season the sun could have been up for hours.

"It was really bright this morning." She tugged on her hat, which covered her eyes with shade. "I couldn't stay asleep, and I figured since I was coming out here, I might as well make the most of it. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all."

He hadn't any specific plans. If he hadn't spotted her on his way back from the mess hall he probably would have picked up his maneuvering gear and spent the morning out in the practice field.

"Do you want to sit down for a bit?" he asked.

Marie always came on foot. Her family didn't have the luxury of a horse, which made it something of a hike for her to come out here, though the road was worn and well-traveled. If she ever ran into trouble along the way, it was likely someone would find her before long.

"I'm fine, but if you can get me a drink of water..."

Of course. He should have realized that.

"We have water in the barracks," he said. "You can't come in, but I can bring it out."

They kept a pitcher and cups inside. Given the recent weather they didn't want to be pulling water out of the well every time they needed a sip, and his cup should be clean, assuming one of his fellow trainees hadn't borrowed it without telling him again. He _hoped_ no one had borrowed it. Not only was it aggravating, but he didn't want to clean it again while Marie was waiting. He didn't want her to think he was that slovenly.

Marie followed him over and sat outside on the steps while Erwin went in. Andy was inside reading a book, and Werner was asleep again. The pitcher was low, but mercifully enough for a full cup, and his cup was undisturbed. He knew, because he'd placed a scrap of paper under it, and it was in the exact same position as when he'd left it.

He came back outside, handed Marie the ceramic cup, and she drank gratefully from it.

"Phew." She sighed. "I guess we'll have to stay in the shade today. I think even the ground is baking."

Erwin could see the heat shimmering over the barren earth in front of their barracks. "You know, it's a little cooler higher up off the ground."

Marie laughed. "I'm sure it is, but if we went on the roof we wouldn't have any shade. And I think your instructors would have words with you regardless."

"There's the bell tower," said Erwin. "They ring the camp awake with it in the morning, and it's covered. No one should be up there right now, so we wouldn't be getting in anyone's way."

She looked over to the tall structure that towered over the other buildings in the training camp. There was a small door at the bottom and open arches at the top through which the bell could be seen.

"We'd still have to climb," she said.

"Or we can fly." Erwin enjoyed the look of surprise on her face. "You can't use maneuvering gear, but I can. Do you want a ride up? You'll have to hold on."

Marie nodded. "Yes!"

It was a very dumb thing to do in retrospect, but he figured she would like it. He got his gear out of the barracks and together they snuck on to the roof of the mess hall. It was higher than the barracks, and closer to the bell tower. The coast was clear. No doubt the heat made everyone want to stay indoors, but it would be cool in the shade by the bell.

Erwin stooped and said, "Climb on my back and put your arms around my neck. You're not going to want to let go. My hands are going to be full grappling us over there, so if you fall I won't be able to catch you."

Marie hesitated, and he was about to ask her if she was sure she wanted to do this. Not everyone had the same nerves as the trainees, and if she was afraid at all they shouldn't even try. But then she took off her hat and tied it around her neck so she wouldn't lose it. Marie leaned on to him and locked her arms over his shoulders. It wasn't a death grip, but it was tight.

"Okay," she said. "Let's fly."

Erwin took the controls sans blades and fired his grappling lines. He saw them land with a solid thunk above them, near the top of the bell tower, which was good, because he only wanted to use the strength of the reel to pull them up. No using gas while Marie was on his back.

"Hold on," he said. Then he jumped off the roof and hit the button to haul them up.

Marie squeezed tighter in response to the fall, but he could feel her relax, just a little, as the lines pulled them in with a sudden jerk skyward. He didn't boost, they had enough speed from the gear mechanism alone, and the entire trip up only took a few seconds. Erwin landed on the belltower railing and turned around so that Marie could safely drop on to the floor below.

"Wow," she breathed, as he felt her let go. Her feet landed with a soft whump on the wooden floor beneath the bell. "That was fast."

"I can go faster, but it wouldn't have been a good idea while carrying you."

"And you could go upside-down and side to side," she added.

He smiled. "I'm not trying to show off." Erwin jumped down from the railing and leaned back against it. "So what do you think? Is it better up here?"

Marie nodded, tucking a lock of stray hair back behind an ear. "There's a breeze, and the shade here is cool. It hasn't been in sunlight yet." She left her hat dangling behind her shoulders and made no move to put it back on, though her hair was unruly now, having been teased by the winds on their way up. Cute wasn't quite the right word, but she was definitely pretty.

She stepped up to the rail and rested her elbows on it as she looked out over the camp. They could see the road to town from here and a lone wagon making its journey in.

"Hey, Erwin," she said. "Tell me about why you want to go outside the Walls. Tell me about why you want to join the Survey Corps."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

While he wasn't bothered by Nile's refusal to take him seriously, he wasn't sure how he would take it if Marie laughed at him. Despite his disbelief, Nile intended to join him in the Survey Corps, and that meant more than whatever he said. Marie's friendship though, that was less permanent, more fragile and subject to loss.

"Is there something wrong with that?" she asked.

"No. I'm just surprised," he said. "Most people don't care about going outside, or why we should." He looked out over the camp beside her. The breeze was warm against his face, but it was there. "I suppose it's a long story, but my father and I have a theory, and I want to prove it, but there's no way we can do that within the Walls."

"It's about our past, the outside world then."

He paused, uncertain how much he could tell her. His father had been killed for posing such questions, and while Erwin had been safe enough in the years since, he chose who he spoke to more carefully.

"There's a lot that doesn't make sense about our being here," he said. "How we don't know anything about where we came from other than we were chased by the titans. Why don't we remember any of our history about what life was like before the Walls? Even if our ancestors fled with nothing but the clothes on their backs, there are no stories about where they used to live, what other countries there used to be."

This he felt he could tell her. The altering of the government texts, the inconsistencies, she didn't need to know about those.

"I guess that's true," she said, "but someone must know. It might be in an old book somewhere."

"So, do you think I should be a scholar instead of going outside?"

"No. There's more than one way to learn something, and you're right, our ancestors do have a history out there. I admit, I don't understand why finding that answer would be important enough to go out there and fight titans, but the fact _you_ do, means that it's worth doing."

Marie turned towards him and her eyes widened, just a little. Erwin glanced away, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I probably had a weird smile on my face. People used to say that about me as a kid."

He felt her hand as a light pressure against his arm. "Your smile was fine," she said. "I thought it showed how much it means to you."

When he looked back her expression was sincere, and he was acutely award of her touch on his sleeve.

"You know," he said, "the mid-summer festival is coming up. Would you like to go?"

-AoT-

Marie found Nile by the paddock, in the shade under a tree. The sun was higher now, though not by much, and Nile was doing a handstand on the fence the hard way, facing down the length of the rail rather than outward to either side. He slowly walked himself hand over hand along the narrow width, and though he paused from time to time, he did an admirable job of keeping his balance.

His horse wasn't anywhere Marie could see, but there was an empty bucket of feed and a halter hanging from a post that told her that at one point the mare had likely been here.

The air was quiet, save for the sound of a hand grabbing the fence with every movement forward, and quiet grunts of concentration. Marie dithered, not wanting to startle him, but then Nile spotted her on his own and flipped down in a single, smooth motion.

"Good morning," he said. His voice was bright and he clapped his hands against his trousers to brush off the dirt. "Sorry, if I'd known you'd be this early I would have been waiting for you at the barracks."

She'd forgotten that it _was_ early, as the rest of the morning came back in a rush. Her flight with Erwin in his maneuvering gear, the festival invitation, the blur afterwards when an instructor marched up the stairs to call him down, Erwin apologizing for having to leave her, and then why she had come here to see Nile. It wasn't just that she had meant to visit him regardless.

"That's all right," she said. "One of your friends, Brett, I think it was, told me where to find you. What were you doing?"

"It's a balance exercise. You end up upside-down a lot in maneuvering gear. This helps." He picked up the bucket of feed and the halter. "I need to put these away first, but then we can go to the barracks and find Erwin. Do you need anything to drink? It's hot out."

"I already had some water, thank you," she said. "And I already met Erwin, but... I think he's a bit busy now. One of the instructors wanted to talk to him."

She hoped Erwin would not be chewed out too badly. The older man hadn't said a word about using the maneuvering gear in front of her, he hadn't even sounded that strict, but she could hardly imagine why else he would need to call Erwin away.

Marie lifted one side of her dress and turned so that Nile could see where the hem had torn. "I tripped coming down the bell tower and snagged my dress on a nail. Erwin said you might be able to help. Do you have a needle and thread? I should be able to do a quick mend that will hold up until I get home."

Nile frowned and started walking. "Let me clean my hands and once we get back to the barracks I'll take a closer look."

She blinked. "Why?"

"Because that's why Erwin sent you to me. I'm the one who's always mending things for the other trainees when somebody tears something, assuming they can't find a girl they like to do it."

"But why you?" She fell into step alongside him.

Nile hadn't struck her as particularly domestic. If anything, he seemed inclined to project that he wasn't, down to the fact he liked to order whiskey instead of beer like the rest of his friends. When Erwin suggested an outing it was a hike through the Titan Forest. Nile took them hunting. It was like he didn't want to be taken for weak. He was already lean, more wiry than the rest of his friends, but Marie didn't doubt that he was as strong as the rest.

"My father's a tailor," he said. "I had to learn the family trade in case I would be the one to take over the shop when I got older."

He opened the tack room and went inside. Marie followed him in. The building smelled of old wood and sawdust and there was no light aside from what came through the door.

"Thankfully my brother turned out to have a good head for business," said Nile as he hung the halter from a peg, "so even if he can't stitch to save his life, my parents decided it was fine if he took over the shop and I did something else." He set the feed bucket down with a stack of others. "That's why I'm here."

"You didn't want to be a tailor then," she said.

"Not if I could help it." Nile ushered her out the door and shut it behind them. They started walking towards the barracks. "It's not that it's bad work, but I just don't think I would have been satisfied doing it."

"But you're not like Erwin, are you? I didn't get that impression. You're not going outside the walls in search of the truth."

Nile turned towards her. "Has he been talking to you about that? All his thoughts on the government?"

Marie hesitated, confused. "Nothing about the government. He did say though that our history didn't make sense and he might find the answers outside."

"I see."

"What does Erwin think about the government?"

Nile paused, and for a moment she thought he wouldn't answer, but instead he said, "Erwin has a lot of theories. They're pretty crazy and probably don't mean anything, but some people might take them the wrong way."

"Like the government? If he thought that, why would he become a soldier?"

"Erwin has to go outside. That's just it. You can't unless you're part of the Survey Corps."

They reached the barracks in silence, and she saw no sign of Erwin. She pulled her hat down over her head, trying to stave off the midday sun while Nile went inside. He returned shortly with a sewing kit and took her around to the back of the building.

"There's still some shade here," he said, "and this way we won't be bothered by anyone coming through the front." He guided her over to a supply crate. "You can use this to sit down. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid."

She wasn't, though she wasn't sure what he meant either. "Um." She extended her hand. "Aren't you going to hand me the kit?"

Nile looked at her, momentarily confused, and then shook his head. "No, I'll do it. I'll fix your dress. There's no place for you to change and there's no way I can let you hike up your skirt to mend the hem out here."

"What about the women's barracks?"

He sighed. "I suppose you could, but..."

Nile wanted to do this for her. She could hear the reluctance in his voice, and see how he fidgeted when considering the alternative.

Marie sat down. "All right," she said. "Show me what you can do."

Nile knelt and carefully took a hold of the hem, only lifting it high enough to see where the problem was. The original thread had come loose along a good fifteen centimeter stretch and Marie could see the torn ends of the thread her mother had used when she had sown the dress together two years ago. Marie had never gotten as handy with a needle, though she figured she could do a decent enough patch job.

"This won't be too hard," said Nile. "Some of the fabric tore where it got caught, but I can hide that. The biggest thing is I don't have thread that matches, but I can come close."

He opened the kit, which had small spools of thread mostly in brown and beige, matching the uniforms of the trainees. Nile selected a spool of a similar pale blue, almost white, measured out a length of thread, and cut it. He threaded a needle.

"Okay, hold still," he said. "I don't want to accidentally stick you."

Nile's work was quick and, she thought, professionally done. She would not have to do a subsequent repair at home. He probably would have become a good tailor, if he had wanted to be.

"Thank you," she said as he stood up.

"Not a problem." He peered at her, or rather just above her. "And if you don't mind, I'd like to do one more thing. The calla lily in your hat is tipping over. It's not sewn in right."

It was a bit top heavy, she knew. Marie had added it herself and the artificial flower didn't have a long stem or much in the way of support. She took off the hat and decided the calla lily was probably good enough, but if Nile could fix it...

"All yours," she said. "Though at this rate you're going to spoil me."

He rolled his eyes as he started work on the flower. "No more than anybody else in the barracks. At least this isn't because someone did something stupid and ended up with a hole in their pants."

Marie thought of Erwin and wondered if Nile fixed Erwin's mistakes as well.

He handed the hat back to her, and when she looked, she saw that Nile had chosen to stitch the flower from the inside to the hat itself, so the flower would hang slightly raised. It wouldn't be removable, but that had never been the point of adding it.

She placed it back on her head and Nile held out a hand for her to take. Marie smiled despite herself. It wasn't as though she was injured and needed to be helped to her feet, but she took it nonetheless.

"Nile," she said, "Erwin asked me if I wanted to go to the mid-summer festival with him, and I asked if you could come too. Are you interested?"

She wasn't sure what to make of the expression that crossed his face. Uneasiness. Hope. Joy. But he still held her hand and did not let go.

"Of course," he said.

* * *

 _A/N: Yay, Marie finally spends a little alone time with both boys. This chapter ended up being longer than usual because I wanted to give them both a fair shake, and I don't think this would have worked as well split into two. And that would delay the coming of the next chapter which is the festival itself!_

 _I've been playing the_ Attack on Titan _console game and you can see that the people who worked on it really loved the anime/manga. Even though only ten characters are playable there are many more side characters who can join your squad, including Nile!_

 _I don't think it's possible to get him in the main storyline, but there was one optional mission I did inside a city where Nile was escorting an aristocrat and defending her from titans. As it happens, I was playing as Erwin, and the cool thing about the game is that there is context specific banter, so if two characters who know each other are in a squad, they'll often acknowledge that and talk to each other. So I got treated to a trip down memory lane between Erwin and Nile as the two of them fought titans together and Erwin reflected on how they hadn't teamed up like this since their days in the training corps. Nile also talks about his family and how he hasn't seen them in a while. It was good stuff._


	7. Chapter 7: Choosing

Chapter 7: Choosing

Marie stepped into the bar's kitchen the afternoon of the festival. Her father and Nance had already gone ahead to set up the stand where they would sell food and drink for the evening, but her mother had stayed behind, baking another two batches of sweetbread before taking them out to the town square.

"I can help carry them over," said Marie, noting the bags of loaves already packed and set aside.

"Don't worry," said her mother. "I borrowed a handcart from the Kesslers, so I'll be able to bring them all in a single load. We don't want you to look all rumpled for your date."

"It's not a date," said Marie, though she did run her hands down her dress to make sure the wrinkles were gone. "I'm going with two of them, the same two you always see here."

Her mother frowned. "Do they both like you?"

"I think so, but Mama, I like both of them, as friends, and I know if I choose one the other is going to be disappointed."

Her mother cleaned her hands on a small dishcloth and patted Marie on the head. "You'll disappoint both if you can't make up your mind. And I think you already know which one you like, if the way you keep those flowers are any indication."

The calla lilies had wilted a season ago, but Marie had pressed and dried them between sheets of paper to preserve them as decorations before they were too far gone.

"Do you want to do anything with your hair?" asked her mother.

"It's fine," said Marie.

She wore it pinned back to keep it out of her face, but otherwise let it hang down her back, and it was long enough that it nearly reached her waist. Marie put it up often enough for work. If she was going out for fun, she didn't want to gather it all up, and especially not in a fancy braid she wasn't used to wearing.

"And I'll be meeting them there, so I can help you carry things," she said. "I won't be with you and Papa tonight so at least let me help out. It's more than enough that you're letting me take the night off. I know you'll be busy."

The festival was not necessarily the best source of income, given the time and energy to transport everything to the town square, and even then they could not offer all the same food they usually would, but if they didn't go, there wouldn't be anyone coming to the bar.

"Benjamin's daughter, Olivia, will be helping us," said her mother.

"Olivia is fourteen. She's not used to serving customers yet."

"That's true, but this is a good time for her to learn, since there are only a few things people can order. You know we could use another waitress when times get busy." Her mother smiled, indulgingly. "And then, if you find someone you would like to marry, we certainly wouldn't expect you to keep working here."

" _Mama_. I'm only seventeen. It's not like I'm close to being a spinster."

Her mother let out a quiet breath. "No, you're not. But you know, you're our only child, and your father and I want to make sure you're taken care of. Your first love might not be the one who you'll eventually marry, your father wasn't mine either, but it's important to have one, so you have a better idea of what kind of person you'll really want when the time comes."

-AoT-

Erwin and Nile were waiting for her when Marie and her mother arrived at the stand her father and Nance had set up. There were already benches and tables laid out for people to sit, courtesy of the sponsoring merchant association and the air was filled with the scent of fried food.

Her mother waved to the two trainees before joining her father behind the counter and Marie tried hard not to die of embarrassment. The last thing she needed was her mother openly encouraging them in addition to her. They didn't seem particularly bothered though. Both smiled and waved in return. The two of them were out of uniform and in short sleeves due to the weather. Though the sun had nearly set, it was still warm, and with all the cooking fires from around the food stands, it would stay warm for a while to come.

"Did you want to get something to eat?" she asked. "I'm sure my parents will let us have something here, but we can go somewhere else if you'd like. Because we had to cook most of the food in advance, we don't have as much selection as we usually do though. Mostly beer, bread, and pies."

"That's all right. You don't need to feel obligated to feed us," said Erwin. "Why don't we walk around and see what else is here?"

"I'm not that hungry yet either," said Nile. "We could play some games if you see anything you like."

Aside from the food stands, there were games, which everyone knew people were more likely to lose than win, but a particularly skilled player might be able to land a ring around the neck of a milk can, or throw a ball into the small hole cut into a wooden board painted to look like a titan. Marie had tried a few as a kid, and sometimes she had gotten lucky, but usually she didn't. Now that she was older, the prizes did not mean as much, mostly being toys for children, but still, they could be fun for fun's sake. Nile and Erwin probably could throw much better than her.

"Sure," she said. "Let's walk around."

Marie had a little money of her own that her parents gave her in exchange for working at the bar. They paid for her food and clothing still, as a matter of caring for a single daughter living at home, so she did not need much money of her own. What she had was a little extra if she wanted to buy herself a treat of some kind.

She used this at the festival, though Erwin and Nile jointly offered to pay for her. Though still trainees, they had actual money, coming from a stipend they received while training. Unless they washed out, they were considered enlisted and therefore employed, but she didn't want them to put themselves out there on her account, especially Erwin. He had managed to avoid any severe punishment for carrying her up to the bell tower with his maneuvering gear, but the fact he had gotten any at all didn't seem to bother him.

As she suspected, the two of them were better at the games than her, and she was happy enough to polish off a berry-filled sweet roll while Nile and Erwin competed to see who could knock over the most bottles. Nile had better aim, but Erwin had more strength behind his throw. Both got prizes.

"This is too cute for me," said Nile, holding out a stuffed donkey to Marie. "Do you want it?"

It was about ten centimeters high, a good size to sit on shelf or a nightstand, and the poor donkey seemed to be shaped to sit on its rear, head sullenly hanging down in need of a hug.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Nile nodded. "I won't keep it."

She wiped her hands clean and took the donkey.

"I think it kind of looks like you," said Erwin, flashing Nile a grin.

His friend glowered. "Not all of us can get lucky and win a goodie basket."

Erwin's prize consisted of a basket filled with bird-shaped candy and a small doll with a shepherd's cane. Marie didn't think it was properly equipped to manage its flock.

"You know I'm not going to eat it all," said Erwin. "Half of it will be gone the instant we set foot back in the barracks." He turned to Marie. "You're welcome to take some as well."

"Maybe later?" she said. "I think I'm going to run out of hands." And she couldn't tuck candy under an arm like the donkey if she had to. "We still have a lot to see don't we?"

"And the fireworks," said Erwin.

"It can't be that late already." Though the sun was down now, she was positive they could not have spent that much time exploring and playing carnival games.

"It's not," said Nile. "We have time."

"My parents will probably let us drop our stuff off in the back of their booth so we don't have to carry everything. Do you want to run back really quick?"

"Sounds good," said Erwin.

-AoT-

They played a few more games before they got tired of them and most of their prizes they left with Marie's parents, with one exception. Erwin had won Marie a hairpin and Nile didn't believe for a moment his friend was giving her gifts if he wasn't interested her. It bothered him, watching Erwin pin her hair while she laughed and asked Nile if Erwin was doing a good job of it.

But maybe she didn't like Erwin as much as he thought, because she did ask him to the festival. Erwin had asked her, but _she_ had asked Nile.

The live band started playing a melody and Marie beamed, her face almost glowing in the light from the lanterns. "I like this song!" she said. "I've never been out on the dance square before! Do either of you dance?"

Suddenly, Nile wished he did. He'd never been inclined to try, but now that she asked...

"I can," said Erwin.

And of course he could. Overachiever.

Nile said, "You guys go on ahead."

Marie took Erwin's hand, pulling him towards the square, but she looked over her shoulder at Nile and said, "The next one is with you, okay?"

He opened his mouth to explain that he didn't dance, and he'd probably embarrass her trying, but before he could muster the words she turned around again, taking Erwin with her. Marie wanted to make it to the square before the song was over.

Nile grumbled to himself and followed them at least as far as the edge of the dance area. Most of the participants were young couples, but there were some older people and children as well. And here Nile was standing among the watchers instead of the dancers as usual.

Erwin and Marie bowed to each other, then he took her hand.

Nile decided to find something else to look at until the set was done, and decided that other dancers might be a good idea if he was going to be enough an idiot to actually try. It wasn't like he had never seen anyone dance before, so he had a general idea of what he should do, but he didn't want to improvise more than he had to.

Then his eyes fell back on Marie, longer than he intended. He wanted to know how she danced, so he could compliment her, but that led to looking at Erwin again and he had to tear himself away. Nile reminded himself that Marie had still asked him, even after asking Erwin.

He almost didn't notice when the song ended, until he finally realized that the voices around him were that much louder for not having to compete with the music. Marie and Erwin walked over and she held out her hand.

"You want the next one?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, taking her hand, "but go easy on me. I'm not very good."

Not like Erwin.

"That's all right," she said. "The important thing is to have fun."

Nile took a deep breath as she led him out on to the square. Other couples gathered around them, waiting for the music to start, and then the fiddle trilled and the flute began a lively melody.

He felt incredibly silly, but Marie was smiling and he decided that if she was enjoying herself, then it didn't matter much what he looked like. Sometimes he moved a half second too late, sometimes he stumbled his way through a turn he didn't quite know how to do, but after a short time he got used to the rhythm of the song and his military training had given him a good sense of balance, so at least he was in no danger of tripping and falling over.

They bowed to each other at the end of the song and Marie said, "You aren't half bad. I don't know what you were worried about."

Nile glanced away and back again, embarrassed. "I don't know that I was half good either, but thank you. I really appreciate it."

He would have liked a second dance, but she started walking back to Erwin, so he came along with her.

"I'm so thirsty after all this," she said. "I could use something to drink."

"I can get you something," said Nile. "What do you want?"

"Hm... Do you remember the cider booth we passed by? It's just a couple rows down."

"Yeah. I'll get you one."

"Can you get me one too?" said Erwin.

Nile looked at him, wondering if Erwin had an alternate motivation and said, "If you're comping all of us."

"Done!"

Marie glanced at both of them and said, "I don't need either of you to pay for me. I told you that already."

"It's my treat," said Erwin, "and it's for all of us. After all, this is our last summer as trainees. I want to celebrate."

Nile sighed. "Well, if that's it..." He held out his hand and took the coins Erwin handed him. "I'll be back soon." And he would have to figure out how to manage three mugs in two hands. Maybe he could get two handles in one hand and if he was careful nothing would spill.

The cider booth wasn't hard to find, and he carefully picked up three mugs, bracing them together just in case they slipped. It wasn't _too_ bad, though he almost dropped them at the sound of the first loud bang in the air.

Overhead, fireworks bloomed in purple, red, and gold.

Nile winced and walked faster, trying not to slosh their drinks more than necessary. Erwin was alone with Marie, though they probably weren't dancing anymore. The band wouldn't want to compete with the boom of the fireworks.

He squeezed his way through the crowd of people who stood gawking and looking up at the pyrotechnics, apologizing to those he had to physically nudge aside, until at last he came back to where he had left his friends.

Erwin and Marie were still there, holding hands as they looked up at the sky, and Nile did not want to know who had reached for who.

* * *

 _A/N: The festival here is supposed to be more like the July 4th celebrations I used to go to as a kid, rather than the Japanese ones we typically see in anime, though I guess stripped of cultural context they look more or less the same; food stands, games, and fireworks. I feel a little mean to Nile here, but I think as a character he's more inclined to be discouraged than Erwin._

 _Thank you for the review, Milkshake Money! I'm a little surprised too that there hasn't been much reader interaction for this one and I suspect it's because most fanfic readers aren't looking for a prequel story about Erwin, Nile, and Marie. After all, chapter 53 came out three years ago and this is the only fanfic of its kind on FFnet._

 _If you (collective you) are reading this and think more people ought to be as well, please leave a review, favorite, or follow. :) It helps show other people this is worth reading._


	8. Chapter 8: Seeing Someone

Chapter 8: Seeing Someone

Marie still wasn't sure of herself, still wasn't sure it was okay, but she liked Erwin, and though he had not said as much in words, she was certain that he liked her in return. She remembered holding his hand during the fireworks, and it had been warm and comforting; strong. They had to let go when Nile arrived with the cider. It had been a delicate balancing act for him to manage two mugs in one hand, even when she had both hands free to take them. But the memory that stayed with her the most, was being with Erwin.

She didn't want to think about Nile's expression, wanting to hope that he hadn't noticed, or hadn't cared. He was still her friend even if she didn't feel the same way about him as Erwin, and she didn't want to lose that friendship, but her mother was right. Things couldn't remain the way they were. If she was going to take a chance on either of them, she wanted it to be Erwin, and she hoped Nile would understand.

There was still the matter that Erwin would be leaving the training camp after graduation, but maybe if their relationship became serious, there would be a way for her remain here in Wall Rose with her family. Even if Erwin had to leave for stretches at a time to fulfill his duty as a member of the Survey Corps, maybe she could manage a home by herself. She would probably miss him while he was gone, but she would not be alone, not with her family close by.

As summer passed she spent her usual time with the trainees at the bar, but at week's end she dallied more and more with Erwin, usually at the training camp because that way she figured his friends would not need to be entertained. And then, towards the end of season, she accepted his invitation to go for a trip to the Karanes Gardens.

Her mother bothered her about the outing, asking at least for the young gentleman's name, and Marie stuck out her tongue and told her: "It's the boy with the flowers. You already met him." It wasn't _her_ fault that her mother had forgotten his name, and if she wanted to be that big of a busybody she could just ask him herself when he came to the bar. Though thankfully, her mother had tact enough not to do that. It would have been embarrassing.

"If you're serious about this boy, you should invite him to breakfast sometime," said her father.

"That's not going to work!" said Marie. "He's a trainee. He gets up at the crack of dawn and we run a bar so we're usually asleep at that time."

"At week's end then."

"I'm not that serious about him."

Yet, anyway.

Marie exhaled loudly as she ducked out the door. She glanced at her reflection in the window and lifted the brim of her hat a little to show her face better. The calla lily still held, weeks later, just the way Nile had sewn it. For that matter, she wore the same blue dress that Nile had mended.

When she thought about it, she had a slightly nicer one, but she saved it for weddings and funerals, and if she was unlucky enough to wear it out, it would cost far too much money for a barmaid to easily replace. And it was clearly too formal for a working woman, even if she was seeing a man she liked. Maybe if he was the Survey Corps Commander and she was his date to a party with important people. But then, she would probably be underdressed by the nobility's standards.

Marie laughed at herself and started walking. Did the Survey Corps even go to parties, the kind of stuff that happened in Mitras? The capital was so far away from Wall Maria that she couldn't imagine they went there for anything less than official reporting business.

She thought of the Garrison soldiers she would see around town and of the rarer Military Police, and did not think their work was glamorous enough for parties. Maybe their officers got to go sometimes. Erwin would probably be an officer someday. Nile too. They were both skilled enough.

Oh. Marie realized that if they both became officers they wouldn't be in the same unit anymore, because they would lead their own squads. She supposed they would still see each other though. Unlike the Garrison and Military Police who stationed people throughout the Walls, the Survey Corps all went out together, and she got the impression their numbers were never very large.

It seemed a pity that if they were so good at working together they probably wouldn't stay that way in the field.

The Karanes Gardens were not as far a walk as the training camp, and were actually inside Wall Rose rather than in the protrusion called Karanes District. They were named after the last noble who lived in the estate and decided to convert the manor into a museum and open the grounds to the public for appreciation. The Karanes family maintained the cost of upkeep and there were a few guards for security, but otherwise it was very open and a popular place in spring.

In summer there were fewer flowers and the weather to contend with, but there were still a fair number of people.

Erwin was waiting by the gates, dressed in a plain white shirt and tan trousers. As much as Marie liked seeing him uniform, it was nice to see him out of it as well. The sun was high due to the early afternoon and he shaded his eyes with his hand as he waved to her.

"Were you waiting long?" she asked.

"Not really." But the off-handed way he said it made her wonder if that was true. There were no clouds today and his face was slightly red from the heat. "Did you want to head in?"

"Sure."

He held out his hand and when she took it his touch was warm, too warm.

"It's very gallant of you to stand out in the sun like that," she said, "but we should find some place to look around in the shade. I don't want you dying of heatstroke out here."

Erwin smiled. "I'll be fine," he said, though he didn't protest as she led him into the gardens and beneath the nearest tree. The heat was more tolerable here, and they were adjacent to a thick bed of marigolds.

"You should have worn a hat," she said.

She glanced up at him, her free hand slightly raised, but stopped short of reaching out. At home she would have put her hand on her father's head, to see how much heat his hair had absorbed from standing in the sun, but that seemed a little much to do with Erwin. She didn't think they were that close yet.

"I'll be fine," he said again.

Marie gave him a look. "Now you're just trying to test me."

He lightly squeezed her hand and leaned close as though to share a secret. "I would be a very poor soldier if I let myself pass out in the heat."

"Can I report you if you do?" She gave him a wicked grin.

"You may, because I won't."

Though he did stay in the shade more for the rest of their time in the gardens. She suspected it was partially to humor her, but also that he did understand that he couldn't stand in the hot sun all afternoon and expect to come out of it without an issue. In any case, _she_ appreciated the reprieve from the summer sun whenever she could get it. This month was the worst, but in a few weeks it should start getting better.

Marie suspected that Erwin had chosen the gardens out of consideration for her, because even though she gushed over tulips and roses, he didn't say much himself, and it didn't seem to matter whether they were navigating the hedges or standing beside a flower bed. He was clearly interested enough to pay attention to her words, he had no problem following the conversation, and he asked questions. He asked so many questions! But he let her pick everywhere they went and didn't offer any of his own comments except in response to her own.

"Erwin," she said, "you didn't have to invite me to the gardens if you're not interested in them. I don't want you to be bored."

"I'm not," he said easily.

"But you don't seem to know anything about flowers."

"That's true, but I'm learning." He smiled. "From you. If you don't mind. You're quite the resource."

She tried to hold back a laugh and it turned into a snort. "A resource? That's a funny way to describe a girl."

"All right then. You're very knowledgeable."

"That's better." She stepped forward a little, pulling him along, and said, "Do you want to sit down? There's a bench by the fountain over there. I'd like to stay and watch the sunset, but considering the time of year..."

Sunset was actually quite late right now, and past time for dinner. Her parents would be expecting her. She thought of inviting Erwin, it wouldn't be the breakfast her father suggested, but decided it was still too soon for a meal of any kind. Her mother would pelt him with far too many questions. If she kept him for herself, Marie could see how their relationship went, and if it looked like it might become permanent, then, and only then, would she bring him home.

"There will be more sunsets later this year," he said.

He walked comfortably beside her as she led him over to the stone bench she had in mind. It was just barely beneath the shade of the wide branches of an oak tree. When they sat down, the bench was warm, having absorbed enough heat from the sunny ground beneath.

"Erwin," she said, "I want to thank you for asking me here today. Things have been fun since I met you."

"It's been the same for me. Not that I wasn't having fun before," he added, "but it's different being with you than the other trainees, and I like that you..."

He trailed off, leaving his words unfinished, and Marie asked, "That I?"

"I... um..." He shook his head. "I just... I like talking to you. I like spending time together. And you're here. You came. Today, I mean."

Marie hoped Erwin couldn't tell how nervous that made her feel. Her pulse was racing and she was afraid she was about to break out in a nervous sweat while holding his hand. She exhaled slowly, trying to calm down, trying not to overthink.

"Of course I'd come," she said. Even if he would never be more than a friend, she still enjoyed his company. As long as she had the afternoon free, there was no reason not to spend time with someone she cared about.

"But this is the first time we've been outside the training camp when it's just the two of us."

Without Nile. It _was_ strange in that way.

"Are you bothered by that?" she asked.

"A little, if I'm being honest, but still... I'm happy." Erwin swallowed and turned towards her. "I think I know the answer to this, but... are you seeing anyone? And if you're not, can I..."

"I'm not seeing anyone," said Marie, and she leaned against him, resting her head against his shoulder. "And if you're asking if you can be person who does, then yes."

He released her hand and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. "I'd like that."

* * *

 _A/N: This chapter wasn't in the original outline, as I belatedly realized that the next few segments were ironically lop-sided in favor of Nile. Unsurprisingly he has feelings about Erwin and Marie getting together, but I need to actually show them together for him to have them. I'm trying to break down the chapters so Erwin and Nile have roughly the same number of POV scenes and currently they are exactly equal. This might break by the end, but even though we're now moving into Erwin x Marie territory, I don't want Nile to fade into the background since he's who she ultimately ends up with._

 _The gardens Erwin and Marie visit are inspired by the botanical gardens around Poppelsdorf Palace, which I visited when I was in Germany. Also, for reference, I've been mostly using Kodansha's manga spellings since chapter 53 is only available in manga format as of the time I'm writing this. (Wall Sina is the exception because the anime spells it that way with western letters and it's too hard to scrub from my brain.) Karanes is Calaneth in Funimation's subs._


	9. Chapter 9: Birthday Drink

Chapter 9: Birthday Drink

Marie's eighteenth birthday came at the end of summer, and Erwin laughingly said that for at least a month she could be two years older than him and Nile. Then it would be his birthday. He had the suspicion she wouldn't care, and since she had smiled, he was supposed she did not.

They had her party at the bar. She still had to work that night, but Erwin and his friends drank to her, since she could not very well drink on the job. They bought a few extra rounds in appreciation, which he figured was quite sporting of them as customers.

Nile had talked to him about possibly chipping in to buy Marie a proper present, but Erwin hadn't found that appropriate, and he wasn't sure he explained that to Nile in the best way. He knew Nile was her friend, and the two of them were reasonably close, so it wasn't surprising that Nile wanted to get her something, but then, Erwin had not made it explicitly clear to him either, that he was now seeing Marie.

He wasn't entirely certain why he hadn't told him. No, actually he did have a clue. Erwin suspected that Nile fancied her as well, and he didn't want to make it sound like he was gloating over his relationship. He certainly wasn't going to tell Nile to stay away from her. Marie was perfectly capable of making her own decisions about who she wanted to befriend, and Erwin knew that Nile was a good person. He didn't think his friend would do anything stupid to sabotage the relationship. Erwin just didn't want Nile to feel... betrayed.

So he told Nile that he'd already bought something for Marie, but that shouldn't stop him from getting a present on his own. That had seemed enough for him, and Nile had gotten something. Erwin wasn't sure what, but he spotted the wrapped paper when Nile discreetly handed it to her. Most of the other guys had their backs turned, watching Brett chug down a dare.

"Did you want to drink anything after the bar closes?" asked Nile.

"I might have something later," said Marie with a smile, "but _you_ shouldn't be here when we close. I know you all have training tomorrow, and you don't get to sleep in."

"We still can buy you something for later," said Erwin. "We don't have to be around while you enjoy it."

Nile turned, noting that Erwin had joined the conversation. For moment, Erwin thought he might have been annoyed, but then Nile said, "Come on. You don't seriously want a girl to be celebrating her birthday with a drink alone, do you?"

"I'll have my parents," said Marie, "but thank you. We plan to have a small meal before we retire tonight and Nance made cake for my birthday."

"So you can drink then," said Erwin, as if that was the most natural solution.

She rolled her eyes, though the brightness of her face said she was not truly annoyed by it. "Do you want me to get drunk, Erwin? Is that it? I probably could drink you under the table if I wanted."

A chorus of voices around the table chimed in with calls of appreciation for the challenge.

"You're working though," said Erwin, returning her look with a easy grin. "And you don't want us to stay past closing."

Marie didn't back down, placing one hand down on the table and leaning in as she gave him a wink. "Yeah, too bad about that. It'll save you some dignity."

He didn't really think losing to her would be any dignity lost. If she was capable enough, so be it. And he probably would be unhappy with the state of his body the next day, win or lose, but it might be worth it for the memory afterwards.

"Do you want to try it on week's end?" he said. "Not here, since you're closed then, and we can't drink at the camp, but..."

Marie stood up and sighed. "My father would kill me if we went to someone else's bar for that."

"What if we bought a keg from your parents and found some other place to go?" said Nile.

"Like where?" Erwin asked. It wasn't as though they had a lot of options. None of the trainees were local enough to have family they could drop in on and renting a room at an inn just to drink seemed frightfully impractical. "Did you want to just sit in a field somewhere?"

Nile shrugged. "Why not? We can take a wagon out. All of us can get in on this drinking challenge."

Erwin looked at Marie and she said, "I'm up for it, but if it's with everyone, let me see if I can get a few friends to come. Even out the genders."

"Please do!" said Werner, his voice unexpectedly loud.

The table laughed, and that settled that.

-AoT-

Marie couldn't get a match for everyone, but she convinced Sylvia, Janice, and Ramona to come, which brought the numbers up to four woman to six men. Olivia wanted to come, but at fourteen her parents did not think it wise for her to attend a party where everyone intended to be drinking, and she would certainly be the youngest present. And as far as the drinking itself went, none of their parents were aware there was a challenge involved. Well, except Marie's.

Her father was amused, but warned her to be careful. He'd seen people overdo it before. Her mother was considerably less amused, but told her she was old enough to make her own decisions. She did seem to appreciate that they were going in a group so she and her friends could watch over each other. Her mother especially approved of Ramona going, since she was considered the most level-headed of her friends.

The trainees brought a wagon from their camp, pulled by two heavy cart horses, and picked up all the women from their meeting place at the bar. These horses weren't the ones the soldiers rode for training, but were built for hauling, which made sense given the number of people they'd be pulling in that wagon. Nile sat on the driver's bench, reins in hand, while most of the trainees piled in the back. There was room to sit beside him, and Sylvia immediately said she wanted to ride in front. She always had a love for cart rides and quickly struck up a conversation with Nile about how often the trainees got to travel.

Marie took a seat next to Erwin in the back. She wanted to take his hand, but it was too embarrassing with everyone else here. It wasn't just the trainees, because they already had teased her about coming over to the camp so often, but because the other girls would probably talk, and if they did, their parents would hear about it, and then before she knew about it, word would get back to _her_ parents.

As a group outing though, this was fun. Janice sat between Andy and Brett, and Ramona between Werner and Darrin. They were similar in age to the trainees, being sixteen and seventeen, and both were unattached, as was Sylvia. Coming with Marie was not a bad option for them, as they already knew most of the young men in town. Meeting the trainees offered them to chance to see some new faces, and Marie knew at at least a couple of them were not adverse to the idea of moving to a new town. Shinganshina was not particularly romantic, but it was at least different from their small town inside the Walls, and being a district, it would be bustling. It was a proper city.

There was a good stretch of open land to the southwest that had not been claimed by farmers. The grass grew high in places, making it a gorgeous field of green that waved in the breeze, but the land was not entirely flat, and in places where the bedrock came closer to the surface the grass was much shorter. Nile took the wagon off the road when Brett shouted that he spotted a good place to set up, and he pulled up close so no one would have to walk more than a few steps to sit.

"Vomiting spot is over there," said Darrin, pointing to a depression on the other side of the wagon. "If you gotta spew, that's the place. Keep the smell away from the rest of us."

"You lot are serious about this being a drinking challenge," said Sylvia.

"It can just be a picnic," said Werner, unloading a large tarp out of the wagon. Andy helped him spread it out so they would have a place to sit. "We brought plenty of food too, so no one needs to drink on an empty stomach."

"It's better that way anyway," said Andy.

"It's a day old, but I got us a couple loaves of that salted butter bread from the baker's," said Brett. He opened the basket he brought with him to show off his find. It had probably been a little cheaper buying day old, but that wasn't bad.

Marie felt a bump at her elbow and turned to see Janice. Her friend grinned and said, "You should have invited us a lot sooner. They seem like a fun bunch. I assume I can guess which one's yours?"

"You can guess all you want," said Marie.

"Well, the tall blond one doesn't seem interested in looking at anyone but you, _and_ you sat next to him pretty quick."

Marie laughed.

"Otherwise," said Janice, "I would have guessed the dark-haired one who's been driving us." She glanced at Nile and leaned in conspiratorially. "He kept looking over his shoulder while we were coming out here and I don't think it's because he was worried about his friends in back, but I notice you didn't complain when Sylvia took the bench. I figure you would have if you had any interest. It would have been a sweet ride out here with the two of you up there."

Nile was not close enough to hear them at the volume Janice was talking. Marie could see him at the head of the wagon, freeing the horses from their tack so they could have a run while the trainees picnicked. It was a more careful, time consuming process than laying out a mat or carrying a keg from the wagon bed to the ground, and Nile was doing it by himself. For a moment she felt sorry for him, wondering why he seemed to be doing the heavy lifting while the others were doing the fun things while laying out the spread.

"Marie?" She turned to see Erwin looking at her. He was over with the rest of his friends, holding a couple stones to weigh down the tarp in case the wind blew.

"I'll join you in a bit," said Marie. "I'm going to see if Nile needs any help."

She figured Erwin would understand. And really, leaving Nile alone to handle all the tack? He probably could do it by himself, but that didn't mean he should. Those horse collars looked heavy.

"Can I help?" she asked him.

Nile glanced up as he undid a strap buckle and pulled the length of leather free. "Do you know anything about hitching a horse to a wagon?"

"Not really, but the horses seem calm enough." And indeed the two draft animals were standing quite placidly, ears relaxed and heads down, waiting for Nile to finish. "I just need to undo the other one's harness, right?"

"No," he said, a little sharper than she expected when she reached for the other horse. "It's a lot of work if you undo everything. You just need enough to free the horse, not take the whole harness apart."

She frowned. "But then isn't there anything I do?"

"There is, but I would be fine if you joined everyone else." He smiled. "You need to win that bet with Erwin, and I'm not going to be participating in the challenge. I'll still drink, otherwise it'll be waste coming out here, but not that much."

"But this was your idea, having everyone participate."

He grimaced. "We drew straws to see who got stuck being the driver and I lost. Someone has to be sober enough to manage the horses or we're all going to end up in a ditch somewhere on the way home."

Marie couldn't quite shake the image of all of them passed out on the side of the road, and it was a comical one. She tried not to smile too much, since Nile might misunderstand. "Well, if I had to trust anyone to drive us home safely, I think you're a good choice."

Nile laughed and she liked the way the smile reached his eyes. "Is there any better?"

"Hey!" Erwin's voice rang out and they turned to see him approach. "It looks like you could use some help. I'll take care of Duchess."

He walked around to the horse that Nile had yet to work on. The mare lifted her head to look at Erwin and lost interest just as quickly. Or maybe it was enough for her to know someone was working on unhitching her.

"If that one is Duchess," said Marie, "then this one is...?"

"Lady," said Nile. "They're sisters. The training camp usually has them hauling equipment for us. All those fake titans have to be carried out to the training ground by someone after all. But it's been a light week for us and they haven't had much exercise so the instructors let us borrow them."

Nile carefully hefted the horse collar off Lady and handed it to Marie. "Can you put this in the wagon bed?"

"That's not very gentlemanly of you," said Erwin.

"I would be a poor set of hands if I didn't actually do anything," said Marie. "Besides, I'm a working woman. I've carried plenty of things before. Just not a horse collar."

She set it down in the wagon bed, earning her a couple cheers from Sylvia and Janice who she was embarrassed to find watching her. Ramona, always the quietest in their group, didn't seem to have noticed. She was paying full attention to whatever one-sided conversation Werner was having with her, and Marie hoped the poor dear wasn't stuck listening to him because she was too polite to extricate herself.

"Are you going to carry Duchess's collar too?" Erwin called out to her, his voice bright.

"Sure!" she said, giving him a devilish grin. "I need to work up a thirst to outdrink you!"

"Be my guest. You're a fair bit lighter than me. You'll need all the advantage you can get."

She laughed. "You're not doing me or yourself any favors, Erwin Smith. Whoever wins, wins." And she had no plans to go easy on him.

* * *

 _A/N: While I haven't been on an outing with an officially designated vomiting spot for people who drank too much, I've definitely been at one with an unofficial spot. I figure it's better for people to announce these things ahead of time, and more entertaining too._

 _Originally the two horses were going to be Blue and Pfeffer, just to give them another appearance, but considering the number of people I ended up loading in the wagon I figured that draft horses would be better than the ones used for riding. I picture them as a pair of good, strong Shires._


	10. Chapter 10: Cruel

Chapter 10: Cruel

"If you go easy on me, I'm disowning our relationship," said Marie. She laughed and started drinking.

And so did Erwin, and Werner, and Brett, and Janice. Sylvia started to join the challenge, but thought better of it partway through. Ramona didn't even try and kept asking Werner if he was okay with this. Andy and Nile drank moderately, and Darrin got a stomachache that left him moaning in the wagon bed next to the tack.

Marie could be stubborn, she knew that, and she knew she wanted to focus on the drinking more than keeping her tally straight, so she bugged the more sober Nile to count for her. Janice was getting loud very quickly and Ramona had to pull her back after she had a few too many, especially when she started accusing Andy of miscounting since they'd named him the official judge of the challenge.

Werner eventually dozed off, leaving Erwin, Brett, and Marie in the running and Marie was starting to feel sick. She didn't think it was the alcohol itself so much as far too much liquid being consumed at once. Then again, Erwin wasn't looking too hot either, so he was probably about ready to give up. She just needed to outlast him.

"You can stop when you want," he said, though his words sounded muddled to her and it took a moment to decode them.

"Not yet," she muttered.

"Marie, you're on number eight," said Nile.

"Keep going!" said Brett. He grinned, and by this point Marie was fairly certain that out of the group of them, he was going to win. The bastard didn't even look phased.

"My stomach is going to hate this." Marie sniffed and took another swig.

"You're gonna get sick," said Ramona. "You don't want to throw up when you get home."

That was true, her parents wouldn't like that, but...

"I'm done," said Erwin, slumping over. "You finish that, we tie."

"I said not to go easy on me," she growled.

"I'm not. I really think I'm done, and I'd rather not be done _for_."

And he did look it.

"Fine." She slowly drained her mug. "How's that?"

But he seemed to have fallen asleep, judging from his deep breaths and the rise and fall of his chest. Marie thought that quite irritating of him.

"Give me half a mug more," she said, "so I can at least beat him."

"Surrendering?" asked Brett.

Marie grimaced. "I know when I'm down. But I wasn't trying to beat you."

"Fair enough."

She raised the mug to her lips, or at least she remembered she had. She was pretty sure she had gotten that far. But the rest of her memory was hazy. After that she recalled finding a shoulder to lean on as her body slumped to the side, and resting against someone warm. It should have been Erwin, but it couldn't have been him. He was already lying down, and she was fairly certain she had been upright for a while. And yet when she woke later that afternoon for the ride home, she found herself lying on the grass with no one beside her and her head pillowed on a blanket Ramona had brought.

-AoT-

The ride back into town was muted, about half their number still sleepy, sick, or a mix of both. Nile steered the horses and Andy rode on the bench next to him. He would rather it have been Marie, but she remained in the back with her friends and Erwin.

Nile couldn't blame her. Erwin was better looking, better spoken. He had a kind of presence, where even if he was about to do something monumentally stupid, people wanted to give him a chance. Hell, that was why Nile bought into joining the Survey Corps. Intellectually he knew the odds of survival were not good, even abysmal, but with Erwin, it _might_ not be that bad. If anyone could bring them back alive, it would be Erwin.

But that did not mean Nile felt entirely good about seeing Marie with him. He was happy for her, assuming that she liked Erwin as more than a friend, and he felt certain that she did, but he wished that happiness did not make him feel so unhappy about himself.

She had started nodding off in the middle of her last mug of beer. He'd caught her before she could fall over, and when she leaned back into him, dozing, it had been pleasant to think for a short time she could have been his girl. He had probably let her stay that way a little too long. One of her friends, the quiet girl, eventually come over with one of the blankets she brought for people to sit on and offered it so Nile's shoulder wouldn't fall asleep from Marie constantly leaning on him.

He would have been happy to let Marie stay as long as she wanted, but not knowing how she would react on waking, he accepted the offer and let her sleep off the rest of the alcohol on the ground with the blanket tucked beneath her head.

The only person talking in the wagon bed now was Werner, who was telling the blanket girl the story of how he went hunting with Marie, Erwin, and Nile before. It sounded like he wanted her to come with them next time. On the face it of, it didn't sound like a bad thing, but Nile did not want to be stuck as a spare wheel as the others paired off. He would have to decline that invite.

And it wasn't as though he could really talk to anyone about this. For anything else he would bounce his mind off Erwin's but right now Erwin was the last person he wanted to sort out any feelings about Marie with.

Andy was no good either. Though Nile could probably get away with talking with him now, considering the condition of everyone in the back, Andy hadn't a romantic inclination for either gender and no plans for ever getting married. He could be sympathic in his own way, but lacking the interest made him less inclined to do anything other than listen.

They dropped the girls off at the bar, and by then all of them were awake if not entirely alert. He was worried about the one called Janice, who looked a little unsteady on her feet, but Marie said that she would be better in a few hours, and she would stay with her at the bar before being walked home. By then she should be okay.

"And what about you, Marie?" Nile asked.

She yawned and said, "Well, I'm already home, so if I need to, I'll sleep, and my mom will walk Janice home, but I think I'll be awake enough."

"I hope you enjoyed today's outing," said Erwin. He looked at her through sleepy-lidded eyes that Nile thought looked awfully sleazy for him.

"It was good. Thanks." She patted Erwin's shoulder and waved good-bye to the rest of the trainees as she took Janice by the arm.

All the girls disappeared inside the bar, probably to say hello to Marie's parents before heading back to their own homes. Being week's end, the bar itself was closed to patrons.

"That was _good_ ," said Werner, drawing out the last word like he didn't want it to end.

"You liked her?" asked Brett.

"Ramona? Yeah. I've never had a girl give me the time of day like that."

"Are you sure she had a choice?" Erwin's voice was teasing.

Nile tapped the horses with the driver's crop to start them walking, letting the wheels drown out the sound of the conversation behind him.

-AoT-

The next time Marie visited the training camp it was autumn, and she wasn't alone. Nile spotted both her and the quiet girl, Ramona, from his perch high in the trees that lined the paddock. He hadn't been expecting her per se, ever since she started to make it a point to see Erwin first he didn't always catch sight of her until late, but he figured she was likely to come today, just out of habit. Ramona was a surprise though.

Blue had stopped running around the paddock beneath him, having figured out by now that he was not coming as soon as expected. He had his maneuvering gear on for practice, and it would be simple enough to swing down to greet them, but before he could, Werner called out to Marie and Ramona, and the three met up beneath his tree.

And at that point Nile figured that coming down would be the most awkward thing he could do as he hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but appearing now would have every impression of crashing the conversation.

"I'm so so _so_ glad you came!" said Werner, gripping one of Ramona's hands in both of his.

He looked like a big puppy, Nile thought sourly. He hoped he never looked that stupid in front of Marie.

The poor girl extricated herself with a nervous laugh and said, "It was hard to say no."

"Is Erwin in the barracks?" Marie asked. She lifted a basket in her arm. "I brought him some sweetbread from the bar. I figured it would be a nice treat. You guys probably don't get much in the way of dessert in the mess."

"Yeah, he should be. Last I saw he was studying," said Werner. He grinned. "I don't suppose you brought enough for all of us, did you?"

Marie laughed. "If you want some you know all you gotta do is come to the bar and pay for it. This one's a gift."

Werner let out a disappointed groan, as if that was entirely unfair, but he smiled almost immediately and turned to Ramona. "Maybe you could sometime?"

Ramona immediately flushed a bright red and brought her hands to her mouth. Nile wondered if Werner could possibly lay it on any thicker.

"Perhaps I will bring you something next time," said Ramona.

Marie tilted her head as if checking to see if Ramona was all right. "You don't have to, unless you really want to."

"I'm right here, you know," said Werner, but he was still smiling.

The girls laughed and Marie left them to head to the barracks. After a moment, Werner and Ramona departed as well.

Nile leaned back against the tree trunk, thinking. Sweetbread for Erwin, huh. And only for Erwin.

Well, he might as well give up. He already knew who Marie favored, he wasn't blind, and he couldn't imagine how Erwin would _not_ like her in return. Marie was fun, kind, and she had a spirit to her. They were already friends, so how hard would it be to move on from that?

True, Erwin could have a crazy side to him with all that talk about government conspiracies and hiding the truth outside the walls, but if he was right, wouldn't that be something?

He whistled to get Blue's attention and then swung down from the tree. Might as well train, he figured, if he focused enough he might be able to block Marie out for the rest of the afternoon, or until whenever she decided to find him. It was nice of her to want to be his friend, and a part of him still wanted to be hers, even though it hurt thinking about her with Erwin. It wasn't as though he would be unhappy for either of them, but no one ever said that feelings had to be rational, and it wasn't him who had to make a choice.

Nile would just have to get over her.

That's what he told himself, and for most of the afternoon he succeeded in blocking her from his mind. Blue did not care for anything more than their work and the treats he would spoil her with afterwards, and a horse was the perfect listener who did not judge no matter what he said.

The sun was low by the time he was ready to return to the stable, and the reddening sky made him wonder if perhaps Marie hadn't come looking for him at all. But then he saw her, basket in hand, jogging and waving to get his attention.

"Nile! You're still here!" she said, her voice breathless as she ran up to him.

Marie bent over, panting, and he asked, "Are you all right? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she breathed, and she pulled herself up with a deep breath. "I was just afraid I'd miss you. I think the dinner bell is about to ring and-"

It _did_ ring. Nile would only have a few minutes to put away Blue's tack before the meal line started, and by the time he got there, he would surely be near the back.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want to keep you, and I got tied up talking with Erwin, but I wanted to give you this."

He watched, surprised, as she opened her basket and took out a wrapped bundle of what was clearly a small loaf of her family's sweetbread.

"Here, take it," she said, and she smiled. "You'd better hurry, otherwise this is going to be the only thing you eat for dinner, and you always look like you need another meal."

Honestly, Nile would have been fine if that was the only thing he ate. He had never been a big eater, even when his mother complained that he was growing up too skinny. What kept him from hurrying and leaving, was trying to absorb the fact that Marie was giving this to him, when she had explicitly told Werner that she didn't bring enough for everyone.

"Why?" he asked. "I mean, did you have extra at the bar or something?"

The words tumbled out of his mouth, not really what he wanted to ask, but he couldn't say anything about that conversation from before. She didn't know he had been listening.

"You've been looking down lately," said Marie. "I'm not sure I know what's going on, and I don't want to presume, but I care about you and I want you to feel better, okay?"

"Thank you," he said. "I'll try to sneak it when the other guys aren't looking."

Marie could be cruel without meaning it, making Nile wonder if he still had hope.

* * *

 _A/N: This chapter was actually written in tandem with chapter 9. It started as chapter 9 with Nile's line about Erwin being better looking and better spoken, but I decided to move that to after the outing. It later led to a scene with Nile having a training accident with Blue and getting laid up in bed, but I decided that I didn't want to go that route since it would prevent him from being able to move around, so there was an unexpectedly large amount of cut material._

 _We're now entering fall, so this is the halfway point in terms of the calendar year. I'm not sure about how far we are through the outline since I made some changes since I started. I suspect that it may be a little longer than another ten chapters to finish the story, since there's a lot more than goes wrong in the second half._


	11. Chapter 11: Almost

Chapter 11: Almost

Late in the morning, Marie was out in the dining area, sweeping the floor of the dirt that was too hard to see when the bar closed at night. No one was here yet, save her family and Nance, and they were in the kitchen busy preparing the food that would be served throughout the day. Stews needed to be started, bread needed to be baked, and potatoes peeled. As much as they could prepare before the customers arrived, they would.

The bar had yet to open, so when she heard the clatter in the kitchen and Nance's shaking voice, Marie knew something was wrong. She came running and found Nance easing her father on to a stool beside the prep table. He had a hand clenched and pressed to his chest, and his skin was pale and sweaty.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Just got... tired all of a sudden," her father wheezed. "Chest was hurting a bit, but I thought I could... work through it. After all, we're gonna open soon."

"You need to lay down," said Marie. She looked at Nance. "Is my mother upstairs?"

The older woman nodded. "Yes. She went up just a moment ago."

"Help me get my father up. He can't work like this."

"I'll be fine," he muttered. "I just need a little rest."

"We can manage one day without you," said Marie. "Nance knows everything you can cook and if I help... We'll call Olivia over too. We won't be short-handed. She can wait tables while I work in the kitchen, and she needs the practice anyway."

She tried to make it sound like everything would be all right, but she wasn't sure if he could even stand. Her father looked faint, dizzy, and she wasn't sure what was wrong.

"Come on," she said, pulling him to his feet. He staggered and she managed to pull an arm over her shoulder. Nance lifted him from the other side. "One step at a time, Papa. We can do this."

The two of them managed to get her father up the back stairs and into their home above the bar. Her mother quickly helped him into bed and covered him with blankets, though he continued to protest that he just needed to rest a while, and it wasn't as though he had a fever. She didn't listen and told him to stay put.

Nance leaned close to Marie and quietly whispered, "If you have the money, tell your mother to call a doctor. It's not right for a healthy man to suddenly go weak like that. I'll be back in the kitchen." She clapped Marie on the shoulder and walked out of the room.

After her mother had him settled and her father looked unlikely to force his way out, Marie asked about the doctor. Her mother pursed her lips and agreed. They had a little in the way of savings, and they knew Dr. Becker would not charge what they couldn't pay, but what worried her mother was if they needed any medication. The doctor could be generous with his own time and knowledge, but he couldn't cover material costs.

Marie left home to call the doctor, leaving her mother and Nance to prepare the bar for customers. They could not afford to shut down for the day, especially if they would need the money. When she got to the doctor's house, he was out on a house call, but his wife promised to send him along as soon he returned, and on the way back Marie stopped at Olivia's to ask the girl to help out. They would have to pay her for her time, but it was better than running short-handed, and Olivia was glad for the experience.

Once she returned, Marie threw herself into her work. She wasn't used to spending as much time cooking, but Nance could not manage by herself, and her mother wanted to remain in front where she could keep an eye on the customers as well as train Olivia. Fortunately, Nance was patient with her and good with directions, so Marie did not feel she was entirely underfoot, but still, it was not the most comfortable thing.

Dr. Becker arrived partway through the day. He passed through the kitchen on his way to the back stairs to see her father and her mother poked her head inside long enough to tell Marie to go up along with him, so there was someone besides her father to hear what he had to say. After making sure that Nance could last a short time without her, Marie hurried upstairs.

"It looks to be a severe case of heartburn brought on by an imbalance of the humours," said the doctor, after he finished his examination. Marie sat with him at the small table in their living quarters where her parents ate if they wanted something more formal than the bar's kitchen. "It's probably due to a combination of age and long years of work. He should improve with time and rest, but there's the possibility this will happen again. I can prescribe some medicine to help relax his body, but it's not a permanent solution. If possible he should eat less meat, and more green vegetables. Winter is still a few months away, so you have time to dry some for eating later in the season when the harvest is done."

Marie nodded and jotted everything down on a scrap of paper.

"Can he... is it possible he could... die?" she asked. "Is it a disease?"

"It's not catching," said Dr. Becker, "but yes, he could die the next time it happens. If he feels like this again, call me immediately. His chances will be better with immediate help."

But Dr. Becker hadn't made it over right away. He hadn't even been home this morning. It was not his fault of course, and she knew he would come as soon as he could, but...

"Then could he have... today?" asked Marie.

"If it had been any worse, yes, he could have. We were very fortunate. Let him rest for a few days if you can and if he feels any more chest pains he needs to take them seriously. Waiting them out is not a good idea."

Marie went back down to the bar with the doctor, who pulled her mother aside to discuss the medication, whether they could afford it. From the look on her mother's face it wasn't a question of whether so much as they had to. But in a way that was good. That meant she thought it was _possible_ to pay for it, even if they had to work harder to manage it. Maybe they would open a half day on week's end, just to get a little extra money, or maybe Marie would take the shotgun and go hunting so they would have to buy less.

Erwin and Nile did not come in that night, but there were other trainees, and they knew Erwin, if not every well. She asked them to deliver a note to him. Marie wanted someone to talk to other than her mother, who already planned to spend long hours with a pen and paper after the bar closed, working out the numbers they would need to make.

-AoT-

Erwin came the next night, by himself, just ahead of closing time when the bar was almost empty. Marie's message had been brief, saying that her father was sick and she would appreciate it if he came. For that reason he waited until late in the evening, because if the others knew he was going to the bar, they would have expected a regular outing, and he didn't know if Marie was all right with everyone else knowing what happened.

But if he came this late, he could borrow Pfeffer from the stables and ride out alone. He knew it would be late when he got back, far too late for the start of the next day's training without suffering the effects of sleep deprivation, but he had to know how well she was holding up, or if she was at all.

When he stepped inside, he found her wiping down the tables and her mother looked to be settling the tab for the last patron. Her mother looked up on seeing him, as if to say something, probably that they were closing, but Marie shook her head and said, "I'll talk to him."

She finished her cleaning and dropped the rag behind the counter, her movement weary even accounting for how late the bar closed. Marie stepped outside with him and sighed into the cold, evening air. It was autumn now, and just a little chilly.

"Thanks for coming," she said, as she reached up and undid the tie to let down her hair. It tumbled in loose waves around her shoulders. "It's so late though. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I think you might need the sleep more than do," he said.

She smiled weakly. "You might be right."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Marie leaned against him, head on his shoulder. "My father... He almost died yesterday. He seems to be getting better now, and the doctor thinks he's going to recover, but the next time it happens, it might kill him. We don't know. His heart... It's just not as good as it was."

Erwin could feel her shake, and he held her tightly, uncertain what more he could do.

"I don't know what I'd do if he died. I mean, I know I'll lose my parents eventually, it's just the way things are, but it's not something I think about each day. I don't know how you do it, when you've lost both of yours."

And then he understood why she wanted to talk to him, because he had already gone through what she feared most.

"Losing someone is hard," Erwin admitted, "and in a lot of ways, things are never quite the same again, but you learn, you find out that you're stronger than you thought, and you pick yourself up again. You live. And Marie, your father is _still_ alive. You haven't lost him yet."

"That's true," she murmured, "and I hope it stays true, for a very long time. I'd like to think that by the time he passes I'll be okay. I'll have a family of my own, someone else to share my life with, and that will make things bearable."

She did not say whether she thought that someday that someone would be him, but Erwin wondered. It wasn't uncommon for men to get married once they had enough money to manage a household, and one of the benefits of being a soldier is that the government paid regularly. A shopkeeper had to depend on his business and the whims of customers. A soldier just needed to report in and do whatever work was assigned.

It would certainly be hard work, especially in the Survey Corps, but as long as he was alive and enlisted, he would never have to worry about where the money would come from, and there was a certain security in that. Most of the trainees in his year would enter the Garrison for that very reason, even though it would not be the most exciting work.

"Erwin," said Marie, "how dangerous is going to be for you out there? I know you're in the top of your class, so your chances when facing the titans must be better than most's, but there must be some kind of danger."

"There is," he said reluctantly. He was surprised by the change in subject, but maybe her thoughts were not so far from his, and he wasn't sure how much to tell her.

The instructors didn't talk about the Survey Corps much during formal instruction, or the Military Police either, since the assumption was that the majority of trainees would end up in neither, but at least the Military Police was a position to aspire to. Trainees could ask about the Survey Corps though, and of course some did. There was a former member of the Corps among the instructors and she was honest about what it was like out there. The mortality rate was high, sometimes as much as by fifty percent, but those who survived mission after mission were among the best soldiers humanity had to offer.

"I mean, no job is perfectly safe," said Marie, as if she hadn't noticed his hesitation. "Even if you stayed inside the Walls, that doesn't mean you'd be all right. That's why my father keeps a shotgun in the bar. And even then, what's happened to him had nothing to do with his work at all."

As she spoke, her words came a little faster, as if trying to convince herself that she didn't need to have the concerns that she did.

"Marie..." Erwin hugged her. "I'm here now. It's all right. Your father is getting better and I'm right here."

"But for how long?" Her voice was small, afraid. "I know accidents happen, but how _much_ more dangerous is it being a member of the Survey Corps than anything else? The titans are big, so if you see them coming, can you just avoid them?"

While Erwin had no intention of engaging titans more than necessary, he knew he would have to eventually. They wouldn't allow him or anyone else outside the Walls to explore in peace.

"I imagine that the Survey Corps does what they can to avoid them," said Erwin. "After all, their primary job is survey the area, not kill titans. They're supposed to establish outposts and learn more about the outside world, and they can't if they're constantly fighting. When they face titans it's because they have to in order to do the rest of their job."

"That makes sense."

He could feel her relax, her body comfortable against his.

"I don't want you to worry about me," he said, though his heart thudded in his chest as searched for any way he could possibly assure her. But he knew it was very likely he would die out there, if not immediately, then in the future. His instructor said that it was inevitably a matter of when rather than if, unless one chose to transfer out.

She had put up with five years in the Survey Corps before she'd decided she was done, and that tenure had been enough to be considered a veteran. In the Garrison five years would be noteworthy, but not a particularly difficult accomplishment. However only a handful of the Survey Corps soldiers made it to their fifth year. She had gotten tired of seeing her friends die.

Erwin did not want to lose his friends, he didn't want to lose Marie, but he knew he couldn't stop his desire for answers, and he realized that he could never promise Marie that he would be safe.

* * *

 _A/N: And now we move into less happy times. Writing this chapter has been a struggle as again I didn't fully anticipate how to lay everything out in my outline. Erwin was always going to reconsider how he would fit in Marie's life, but the details were an ongoing process throughout the early chapters, and I kept escalating them to the point where I realized I needed to do something serious. An early cut of this chapter had the sick relative be an uncle, but as I was writing I realized that it needed to hit closer than that, so I made it her father._

 _What her father has is a heart attack, which you might have guessed, but heart attacks weren't diagnosed as their own thing until the 1900s in our world, so I went with a more period-based assessment from the 1800s._


	12. Chapter 12: Even for Erwin

Chapter 12: Even for Erwin

Marie's father improved, and after a week's rest they reluctantly allowed him back to work, not so much because they did not worry over him, but because they could use the help. Her parents decided to keep Olivia around for training, while Marie divided her time between the front and the back of the bar. It was an uneasy arrangement for her, because she wasn't entirely sure where to fit in.

Originally the idea had been to hire Olivia under the assumption that Marie would choose a husband in the next few years and this would be a good way for a girl on the cusp of adulthood to earn some money for herself. Even if Marie did not want to be rushed into marriage, she at least understood her parents' thinking.

But now there was a different sense of urgency. They didn't know what her father's health was going to be like, and if the worst happened, if they lost him, then her mother needed to be able to keep the bar running. Her parents didn't talk about it directly with her, but Marie understood.

The hard part was understanding where she belonged. If her father passed, she realized she should be in the kitchen. After all, the food and drink was an important part of the bar and the baked goods they sold at week's end were a valuable side business that made them distinct from the other bars in town. Getting the kitchen in order and understanding how it worked was vital if she was to keep working here.

On the other hand, she might not. If her father stayed healthy, and she married, she might never work in a bar again.

She didn't like it, all the uncertainty.

At week's end, she went hunting with Erwin and Nile. By then, Nile knew the situation with her father as well, and the three of them hoped to catch some game to supplement her family's stock of food.

"Thanks for coming along, both of you," she said, as they took one of the training camp's wagons out to the forest.

There were a couple horses pulling the wagon, smaller ones than the time they had the drinking party though. One of them was the blue roan that Nile always rode. He held the reins in hand and said, "It's not a problem. Your family's in a pinch. We're happy to help."

She sat on the bench next to him and Erwin rode in the back. Marie had met to sit with Erwin, but he'd told her to go ahead and ride up on the bench where she'd be more comfortable. That was an actual seat. The wagon bed itself was mostly empty save for their guns, related equipment, and a basket filled with lunch.

Marie hoped they could find a good eighty kilogram boar. Maybe two. They could sell some of the meat immediately and then put the rest on the menu in the bar, and then they would not have to shop for nearly as much at the market.

Once they figured they were deep enough into the woods, Nile brought up the wagon and tied the horses so they couldn't run away while the group of them went hunting. Erwin handed everyone their guns and their knives.

"Want to bet that someone ends up a tree again?" said Erwin.

"It's not going to be me," said Nile.

Marie remembered a previous trip, where Nile _had_ ended up in a tree. Angry boars had a nasty tendency to charge. And though no one was hurt, it had been a scary few seconds listening to him scramble away while she aimed her shotgun.

"It would be nice if they let us take our maneuvering gear outside of the camp," Nile continued. "Could you imagine if we could use that while hunting?"

"I think it would be unfair for the boar," said Erwin.

Nile rolled his eyes. "Like the titans are fair to us. At least if the boar developed maneuvering gear we'd be smart enough to stop hunting it."

Marie sniggered, and when Nile gave her a confused look she said, "Oh, nothing. I was just picturing a boar swinging through the trees, chasing after us."

"I will buy all of us drinks, three times over, if that happens," said Erwin.

"And I'll buy another three after that," said Nile. "Let's go find a normal boar."

-AoT-

The day turned rainy during the afternoon, but it didn't stay that way, and the watershed turned out to be a blessing in disguise, despite the fact the three of them were fairly soaked even huddled beneath their cloaks. Marie spotted boar tracks in the freshly made mud and the three of them were able to track and kill a thick hog with a single well placed shot behind the ear.

They didn't have enough luck to find a second before the day got too long, but the one they caught had to be a good ninety to a hundred kilos. While the weather was tolerable and the rain at least temporarily abated, they dressed the kill and then wrapped it for transport in the wagon.

Marie was exhausted, but it was better than coming home empty-handed. Her parents remained open to sell bread and pies today, and would be experimenting with running the bar tonight as well, to see what business would be like. While she wasn't needed during the day, she would not be at her peak tonight, and a successful trip would make up for that.

A part of her hoped being open late on week's end would not be good, so she could continue to have at least one night off a week, but she didn't like the selfish feeling the thought gave her.

The boar will help, she told herself. With luck, it would pay more than what she would earn helping them tonight, and that might leave her free to continue hunting during the day. Though that was work as well, at least she could go out with Erwin and Nile, and she knew her parents would treat them to a free meal and beer tonight in thanks for their help. It was not nearly as much as the value of the meat they were bringing back, but her family could at least give them that.

When they returned to town, Nile took the wagon into the alley behind the bar and he and Erwin helped Marie's father butcher the meat and take it into the kitchen's pantry for storage. It was getting dark by the time they finished, and all three men were tired, but her father immediately went back to work in the kitchen.

Erwin and Nile took seats in the bar and since business was light, Marie joined them as she brought out the food Nance had prepared.

"It's not much, but thanks a lot," she said, as she set the plates of boiled pork and potatoes in front of them.

The meat wasn't from the boar, there hadn't been enough time to cook it yet, but at least it was a hot meal after a long day, including hours of being in the rain.

"You're not going to have any?" asked Erwin.

"I might need to go to work at any moment," she said, though she glanced at the bar where Olivia was talking to her mother to get a few mugs of beer. "For now, people aren't used to us being open at night on week's end, so we don't have enough customers to need more than one barmaid, but you never know. A crowd could come in."

Nile glanced at the door, but one didn't emerge. "How are your parents holding up?" he asked.

"Well, you saw my father. He doesn't want to stay idle, and he doesn't want to leave all the work to me and my mother, even though the doctor said it's probably due to the fact he works so much that his health _is_ this way. We've bought some medicine with our savings though, and even though he complains about how bitter it is, at least he's taking it. My mother's making sure he doesn't skip, and she thinks that we can afford it if this extra night of work is worth it. If not, we'll have to try something else."

Right now, she wasn't sure it would be, considering how sparely populated they were with only three customers inside, but maybe they just needed word of mouth to spread.

"She's really happy about the boar," said Marie. "I heard my mother talking to Nance about pork pies filled with boar meat. We might be able to sell those at a good margin to some of the wealthier merchants."

"We can go hunting with you again, if you need us," said Nile.

"I'd appreciate it, though you realize we can't repay you for your help. I mean, not much more than this."

Erwin reached out and took her hand. "We're not doing this to be paid. You know that."

"I do," she said, closing her hand around his, "and I won't forget it."

She looked down at the wood grain of the table they sat at. It had been worn smooth by countless hands and dishes during the years it had sat here. This bar had been around for decades, and the table was at least as old as she was. Her father had been a younger son and bought the place cheap from the previous owner, who had been his boss for a long time. There was history here, even if it was not dashing or full of titans.

"My mother appreciates that the best of the trainees aren't afraid to help people who can't offer much in return," said Marie. "I've told her that you're top of your class, though I didn't say anything about the two of you wanting to join the Survey Corps. She probably thinks you mean to join the Military Police."

"It's a reasonable guess," said Erwin. "Most of the time, trainees of our rank would."

"But either way, it means a lot. The Garrison may have a lot of drunkards, but the way I look at it, between the Survey Corps and the Military Police, one is the sword and the other the shield. One fights and the other protects. Neither is a bad branch to be in."

-AoT-

When the hour turned late, Marie saw them out the back door where they had left the wagon and she hugged both men good-bye, Erwin especially tight. She liked feeling his arms around her, and wanted to believe that as long as he was here, everything would be all right.

After they left, Marie slipped back inside and through the kitchen, past Nance who was busy scrubbing dishes. It was late enough that they did not expect any more customers to show and when she got back to the front of the bar, she saw the last heading out the door. Her mother left the counter to turn the sign. They were closed.

"I don't think this was a good enough night, Mama," said Marie.

"I know," said her mother. "But we'll give it a few weeks to see if it picks up. It's been years, but I think week's end was always a slow night, that's why we decided a long time ago that it would be our night to rest."

"I can go hunting again next week if you don't mind."

"I don't see why not, but we can't rely on you catching a boar every week. There can't be that many in the forest, and then you need at least one of those trainees with you to bring it back. You can't load something that big on to a wagon by yourself and we can't rely on them all the time."

"We shouldn't," said Marie, "but I know they'll help, as much as they can. That's just the kind of people they are."

Her mother sighed. "Perhaps it would help if... Well... One of them is the boy who brought you flowers that day. Has he said anything? Does he want anything more permanent with you?"

Marie pressed her lips together, trying to think of how much to say. "We are seeing each other, but it hasn't been anything more than that. I like him, but I still don't know how it would work, especially now that Papa's sick. Remember I told you that he could be stationed far away from here after he graduates. I can't move away, not with Papa like this."

Even for Erwin. They would have to make the distance work, somehow.

"But if he was your fiance, I would feel better about accepting his help. It's natural to want to help family, and I know we'd make it up to him someday." She patted Marie on the head and smiled. "Assuming that he doesn't find marrying you to be reward enough."

She wanted to think that he would, as they spent more time together. There were still things she didn't know or understand about him, but she knew he was a good person, caring, and that meant more than anything else.

To her mother she made a face and said, "I can't ask him about that. That wouldn't be right, especially if he hasn't given it much thought himself."

"I know, dear. But when is he going to become more than the boy with the flowers?"

"I don't know."

Marie remembered how Erwin had come the night after her father had fallen ill. Though he wouldn't get much sleep, though he had to make a special trip, he had still come, and he'd held her when she needed it most.

"But," she said, "I can tell you that he's generous with his time, even when he doesn't have much of it, and he's willing to listen. I feel like I can talk to him about most things, like what happened to Papa. He can't get away from his training, but if there's any way to help, he will."

* * *

 _A/N: I have two themes I listen to while writing this story depending on which love interest I'm focusing on at the time. For Erwin I listen to Leizel Banci's piano cover of Porter Robinson and Madeon's "Shelter." It's a sad song, but feels optimistic. You can find it on YouTube. The lyrics don't work, but that's the beauty of an instrumental._

 _For Nile I listen to "A Red Muffler" from the Attack on Titan console game. I realize the theme is actually named for Mikasa, but the game doesn't use it exclusively for her. "A Red Muffler" feels thoughtful and melancholy, but grows with warmth in the second half. Nile is not as bold or imposing a personality as Erwin, but doesn't mean he loves Marie any less._

 _Marie doesn't have a theme, but if I'm writing something that doesn't immediately deal with Erwin or Nile I've been a lot of time listening to a piano or slowed down ballad version of The Reluctant Heroes so it's less of a fight song. Most recently (like literally just this week so I'm actually using it while writing Chapter 13) I've added Call of Silence from the Attack on Ttitan Season 2 soundtrack._


	13. Chapter 13: Titans or Marie

Chapter 13: Titans or Marie

Winter came early this year, but by some measure of grace, Marie's father seemed as good as he had been before his collapse. He was still taking his medicine, but they were managing. Opening the bar on week's end ultimately didn't work for the effort they put in, but the boar meat had led to a different opportunity.

The head of the merchant's association developed a taste for her family's pies, with or without the boar meat, which gained them a regular customer. Though he didn't stop by the bar in person, he regularly sent a servant to pick up two or three pies a week, and that was not counting the time he placed a special order for an association banquet, or the friends he directed to try them out. All of this was welcome business.

Between Marie's hunting and the new customers for the bakery side of their work, they would survive. It made it harder for her to have any personal time with Erwin though. There weren't any outings other than to the forest, and sometimes Erwin didn't go because he needed to spend at least part of the day on his training to make sure he kept his skills sharp.

Marie understood, and if Erwin could not make it, Nile always did. Even when it was snowing, he still showed, bundled up in a knit hat and scarf.

"Don't you worry about your skills too?" she asked.

Nile shook his head. "I'll be all right. Six days a week is enough for me. I've never been as dedicated as Erwin at training."

"But your lives will depend on how well you practiced."

"I still want to help you. _Your life_ depends on us finding a boar, right?"

She couldn't argue with that. Even if it wasn't literally life and death for her, her _way_ of life depended on catching some meat.

Nile didn't eat at the bar on days without Erwin. He stayed long enough to help her father store the butchered meat from any kill, and then left immediately after. Her father didn't ask many questions about his help, and thankfully her mother stayed in the front of the bar at the counter to handle the customers who came to pick up their bread and pies. Marie didn't want to talk about why Nile was the one always showing up when Erwin was the one she was seeing. Her mother would probably think it was strange.

One day though, on week's end, she and Nile came back to the bar early, having had an extremely good amount of luck, and catching a particularly woolly boar before midday, one where they were sure they could get a good price for the hide as well as the meat. Since the weather was clear despite the cold, she asked to go to the training camp after dropping off their kill, and rode with Nile to see Erwin.

"I'm going to surprise him," she said brightly as she rubbed her mittens together. "He probably thinks we're still out hunting."

It wasn't as though they hadn't seen each other the past couple months, since he and his friends still came to the bar during the week, but having time alone for more than a few minutes had been hard.

"Are you cold?" asked Nile.

She looked down at her hands, curled her fingers, and said, "I think I'll manage."

"Are you sure?"

Marie could see her breath, misting in the chilly air. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

-AoT-

Nile dropped her off near the barracks while he took the wagon back to the stables. She shivered, the clear skies making the outside look deceptively warmer than it was, but she hadn't want to put Nile out of his way to care for her, and she was glad he hadn't pressed the issue.

Marie knocked on the door to the barracks and Brett was the one who opened it.

He took one look at her, turned his head, and shouted, "Erwin! Your girlfriend's here!"

She could feel the heat on her cheeks despite the bite of the winter air and Erwin appeared almost immediately. He looked about as uncomfortable as she felt. It was one thing to be seeing each other. Quite another for the entire world to know about it.

"Do you want to go up to the bell tower?" he asked. They would have some semblance of privacy up there, and a little protection from the elements.

She nodded, burrowing her face into her scarf, and took his hand. Erwin smiled, but there was something off about it.

"I'm sorry, did I come at a bad time?" she asked.

"No, it's fine. I've been meaning to talk to you. It's just been hard lately." Abruptly, he turned to look at her. His expression was contrite. "Not that it's your fault," he said. "I know you need to hunt to help your family."

"I know you didn't mean anything by that," she said. "You seem nervous though. Is your practice not going well?"

"The snow makes things difficult, but the instructors never really let us take a break. They just change the exercises. Maybe we can't use our maneuvering gear when its coming down heavy and visibility is bad, but then they'll take us marching or work us in hand to hand combat. We have a lot of classroom exercises lined up too, for the days we know we'll be trapped indoors."

That wasn't what she meant, but she found herself reluctant to say so. Maybe it was enough just to be here with him, and it would be greedy to hope for more.

He led her into the bell tower and they climbed the stairs. She was careful to avoid the step where she had torn her dress last summer, even though a quick glance told her the nail was gone. And today's skirts were thicker too, to keep her warm during the winter weather.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked.

They reached the top of the bell tower, and there was a breeze up here, but if they stayed behind the wood frame that supported the belfry it was not so bad.

Erwin took a deep breath. "About that... I've been doing some thinking, about us, about your family, about graduation."

"Yeah," she murmured, "it's only a few months away."

In spring. Before long he would be applying to the Survey Corps, and there was no reason they wouldn't take him. He was talented, and they did not have high requirements like the Military Police. His going was simply a matter of whether he wanted to.

"I realized something," said Erwin. "It was after your father got sick, but I couldn't tell you then, because you were already broken up enough, and I didn't want to hurt you any more than you already were."

She blinked, uncertain of what she was hearing, and stared, hoping she had misunderstood. "Erwin..."

"I can't keep seeing you, Marie. Not as a boyfriend. I'll still be your friend, always, if you let me, but I can't be more than that. I'm going into the Survey Corps. We both have known this. Going beyond the Wall, looking for answers, it's what I have to do."

"I never said you couldn't," said Marie.

He nodded, eyes downcast. "I know, but the thing is, I'm probably going to die out there. It might not be in a year, or even five, but I probably will, and I remember what you said about hoping to have a husband and family of your own by the time your parents pass on."

Erwin swallowed and lifted his head, taking her hands in his. "I don't want to be the kind of man who leaves a wife without a husband or children without a father. I know what family means to you, Marie, and you need someone who will be there for you, someone who can stay inside the Walls while you look after your parents and start a family of your own. I can't do that. I would love to, but I can't."

"It is that bad then," she said, her voice numb.

"It is. If a soldier doesn't transfer out, they will likely die before they can retire, no matter how good they are."

Marie bowed her head. "I suppose I should have known. Maybe I did. But I still hoped. And knowing this, you still want to sign up?"

"Yes."

She forced a smile, held back the tears, and said, "I understand."

Marie could feel the clenching of her heart, but that was what she loved about Erwin, wasn't it. How he could take on anything if he set his mind to it, that he had a dream from which nothing would hold him back. She should have known that it wouldn't have worked, but she had wanted to hope. She'd wanted to believe.

When she opened her mouth, she could feel her voice catch, but she pushed through, not wanting him to worry or regret. He didn't need to see how much she hurt.

"You're very brave to be able to choose that kind of life. I think I've told you before, that I know how much your dream means to you. If anything, knowing that you may die in the pursuit of it, shows how much you care."

It was the most important thing in the world to him, more than her.

"I don't want to die," he said, "and I will do my best to avoid it, but it's the one thing I can't promise you, and that's why..."

He couldn't finish. She could feel his hands shake. But that was all right.

"You don't have to say it," she said. "I know. And I'll still think fondly of you. I'm more than happy to be your friend, though it may take a little time... to adjust."

Erwin nodded, voiceless.

Not wanting to regret either, Marie let go of his hands and stood up on her toes to kiss him lightly, awkwardly, on the lips.

"Good-bye, Erwin."

-AoT-

Nile grumbled to himself as he walked back to the barracks after having put away the wagon. One of the other trainees had complained about how he and Erwin were always grabbing a spare wagon every week, and Nile had retorted that there was more than one wagon. If he wanted one he should show up earlier in the day to claim it.

Blue almost kicked the kid when he got too close. Nile wouldn't have stopped her.

The barracks weren't heated, but they would at least be warmer than the storage shed, due to being stuffed with living, breathing bodies. It was dark, but he hadn't heard the bell for dinner yet and didn't expect to for a while. Lanterns were lit around the perimeter of the camp so people could find their way in the winter darkness, though there weren't many people about given the cold.

And the one figure he did see was clearly not one of the trainees, given the thick, fur-lined dress.

Marie was huddled, arms around her middle, and head bowed, as she trudged across the snow-covered ground on the way to the camp's exit.

Nile jogged up alongside her. "Hey, Marie, are you leaving already?" He caught a glimpse of her face in the faint light and she quickly turned her head. Worry flooded through him. "Whoa, you're crying. You can't do that out here. Your face is going to freeze. What happened?"

He fumbled in his jacket, trying to find his handkerchief. It was buried in his shirt pocket underneath and took a moment to dig out.

Marie's mouth opened and closed, and he dabbed around her eyes, trying to catch the tears before they turned to ice.

"It's... just Erwin," she managed.

"What did he do?" he asked, and his voice must have come out sharp because she quickly shook her head.

"It's not his fault," she said. "It's just... You know him. You know his dream about going outside the Walls. And I'm... not a part of that."

"That's nonsense," said Nile. "You don't have to be for him to go out there. It's not like Survey Corps soldiers are forbidden from having relationships. You _were_ seeing him, right?"

She nodded, a fresh waves of tears falling from her eyes. A single handkerchief wasn't going to be enough.

"At least," she said, "he let me know, before I... before I could care more about him..."

She hiccuped, unable to finish, and Nile pulled her into a hug. "Go ahead and let it out," he said. "You need to."

"I shouldn't." She shook. "I was hoping to get home before anyone saw me. I didn't want to be like this."

Marie trembled against him, and it wasn't from the cold. Nile wished more than anything that he could reassure her, that something he could say would stop her tears and make her smile again. She had been so happy only a few hours earlier, rubbing her hands together like a child as she thought of seeing Erwin.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked. "Maybe I can change his mind."

Marie shuddered. "I'm afraid," she said. "What he told me, is not wrong, and I can't ask him to give up his dreams. Also, it's not fair to you, Nile, to put you in the middle of this."

"I don't care," he said.

He was already involved. She didn't know how much his heart broke to make that offer, but if would make Marie happy, it didn't matter. He had been in the middle the entire time.

* * *

 _A/N: When I outlined this chapter I wanted it to be clear that it was Erwin breaking up with Marie rather than the other way around, because one of the things that has bothered me in what little fanfic I've read is the feeling that it was Marie's mistake for letting Erwin go. Nile says in Chapter 53 that Erwin chose titans over Marie, which means that Erwin had his chance and didn't take it. And if Erwin is not interested, I think Marie would respect that._

 _Isayama has also said that the reason Erwin remained single is because he's uncertain of when he's going to die, so I wrote his relationship with Marie to bring out the realization that he couldn't pursue his dream and be a proper husband or father at the same time. Erwin and Marie's relationship doesn't work out, not because they don't care about each other, but because what they want out of life is incompatible. In another time, one without titans, it probably would have worked._


	14. Chapter 14: But for Nile

Chapter 14: But for Nile

Erwin tried to put Marie out of his mind as he and the other trainees jogged through the muddy slush that came along with the snow. He had barely slept last night, thinking about Marie, her kiss good-bye, and wishing there was a way he could have both her and his answers without risking the loss of either. But there was no way around it, chasing his dream meant that he would risk breaking hers, and he couldn't do that to her. She deserved better than that.

Thankfully, the instructors had set a brutal pace for them today, and he welcomed the numbness that came with a good workout. He wasn't the pace leader, that was Darrin and his devilishly high amount of stamina, but Erwin was a respectable second.

Someone bumped him from behind and he glanced to see Nile, which surprised him, since his friend was usually further behind.

"Good pace today?" he asked between breaths.

Nile didn't reply, either not having the energy or the lung capacity. He was definitely pushing himself though, more than usual. Erwin knew that despite his wiry frame, Nile was capable, and probably could be better than he was if he worked as hard as Erwin, but he knew Nile didn't thrive off exercises in quite the same way.

Not bothering to speak, Nile seemed satisfied in maintaining his pace. The finish line in front of the barracks was coming, where one of the instructors grimly waited in the snow. Darrin ran past first, only raising his arms like a champion _after_ he was behind the instructor who would otherwise chew him out.

Erwin pushed himself for the last stretch, but what surprised him was that Nile did too. Seeing what was happening, Darrin hooted and waved, and _that_ earned him a glare from the instructor.

They were just steps away from the end. Erwin sprinted past the instructor, and Nile matched him stride for stride. Erwin was impressed, especially considering that Nile was a fair bit shorter than him.

His friend stumbled almost immediately afterward though, and nearly planted face first into the mud before he caught himself. Erwin steadied him and started pulling him along. It wasn't a good idea to suddenly stop moving after such a long run.

"I can walk on my own," said Nile, pulling himself free.

"Something happen?" Erwin asked. "You're awfully prickly for someone who just had his best run all year. You've never tied me before."

Nile glanced at him and said, "It's about Marie."

"Marie?"

Before Erwin could ask more, their instructor bellowed to those who had finished or were about to finish. "Get yourselves cooled down and then I want everyone to line up in the order that they finished! There's no such thing as a tie, figure out who stands in front and who stands behind! We're going to march over to the mess..."

Trainees jostled into position and Nile moved behind Erwin, perhaps by habit.

"No, you go in front," said Erwin. "You made the effort."

"You did too," said Nile.

"Did you see Marie yesterday?"

Nile didn't answer.

Erwin pushed him in front just before their instructor walked past. Now he couldn't sneak back into third.

"You improved by several places," said the instructor, noting Nile's position.

Nile still didn't say anything, though he glared at Erwin.

He must have met Marie after she left yesterday. That had to be the reason, but Marie had seemed accepting about it. Erwin was not happy about letting her go, he could still feel the empty pit inside of him, but he _knew_ his decision had been right. He couldn't give what Marie needed, and he didn't want to take what affection he could from her without being able to return what she wanted most. And she knew how to many sacrifices herself. It wasn't as though she was a coddled girl who had no idea what it took to protect a dream.

-AoT-

Nile finally spoke to him after dinner, when it was dark and they were heading back to the barracks, just the two of them.

"Do you know how much you hurt Marie?" asked Nile, his voice flat.

"I do," said Erwin, "but she understands. It's better for both us."

"It's _not_ better."

Erwin took a deep breath. "She's asked me a lot of good questions, about what it would be like for me in the Survey Corps, how likely it is that I'll survive, and I realized that it's not a good idea for someone in the Corps to get married. I can't court her, and what she wants is a more serious relationship than I'm interested in."

The words came out disaffected, analytical, and perhaps not entirely true, but he could feel Nile setting up for an argument, and he didn't want him to think there was an opening.

"Marriages still happen," said Nile. "It's not like it's forbidden."

"No, but they don't last. It's not because the couple doesn't love each other, but because one of them dies before their time."

Nile stepped in front of him and turned around, stopping him in his tracks. "Listen to me, Erwin. Marie cares about you, a _lot_ , and I ended up being the shoulder she cried on while all she could do was talk about was how much she was going to miss you, but it was the best thing for you and your dream. Bullshit. A lot of people die in the Survey Corps, I know that as well as you do, but there are older members. There are soldiers who reach middle age, and dammit, Erwin, you are _good_. You can survive everything out there.

"You're bound to have your answers by then, and then you can transfer out of the Corps. Become an instructor. Marie won't have to worry, and you can have a good life with her, raise some kids..."

Erwin stared. Though he heard Nile's words as his friend ranted, they didn't register nearly as much as the source of his rage.

Nile loved Marie. Erwin could see that now, and the reason he was pushing Erwin wasn't because he thought Erwin was making a mistake but because Nile was trying to protect Marie's happiness, even if it meant sacrificing his own.

Erwin was grateful for one thing though. His friend knew better than to talk him out of going outside. But for Nile to try resolving that which was impossible to resolve...

"Hey," he said. Though his voice was quiet, the fact he had interrupted at all was enough to stop Nile.

"What?" said his friend. "Did any of that get through?"

"Have you told Marie how much you care about her?"

"We are talking about you, not me."

"There's no point in talking about me," said Erwin with a shake of his head. "I'm just not interested. She's a wonderful person and a great friend, but that doesn't mean I want anything more."

He said this in an off-handed way, keeping his expression neutral; pragmatic. Even though he knew Nile might hate him for it, it was better that Nile thought his disinterest was genuine, that Erwin didn't think of Marie as anything more, or he might think there was hope of changing his mind. Empty, awful, guilty—those were things Erwin felt, but regardless he couldn't choose another path.

Perhaps if things had been different, if there had never been any titans, he could have stayed with Marie. He might as well have wished for the moon.

"I didn't realize you liked her," said Erwin.

Nile turned away. "She's a friend. She doesn't look at me like she does you, so it doesn't matter. And even if I wanted to, I can't say anything anyway, not when she's busy thinking about you. I'm not going to be the guy who moves in the instant he thinks he has a chance, and I'm not the one she's hoping to see."

Erwin had skipped a couple hunting trips on week's end, but he knew that Nile always went. Even if it was snowing. He still went. At first he thought it was because Nile and Marie were friends, and chances were, that was how Marie had seen it, but now that he knew otherwise...

He thought of encouraging Nile to tell her, but he realized that made no more sense than his own wish to be with Marie. Nile was going to enter the Survey Corps, so she had no future with him either.

-AoT-

"So you broke up with him?" said Ramona.

It was late morning, two days after Marie had last seen Erwin, and the bar had not yet opened. She felt completely listless, trying not to replay what she could have done differently, because everything made horrible sense, and that sense of clarity was what she had liked about Erwin most of all. She couldn't have it both ways, and while she had always known in the back of her mind that her family would come first, she had hoped it would work out.

Ramona had stopped by after her mother suggested Marie could use some cheering, and her friend had taken her outside to one of the back streets to get some sun while still having a little privacy.

"It's probably better to say he broke up with me," said Marie.

"But you're letting him go."

"He says he's probably going to die out there, and he doesn't want to leave me alone. I mean, if our relationship turned serious, if we got married down the line..." He didn't want her to be a widow.

"So he's leaving you alone now," said Ramona.

"Does Werner talk about it? About dying?"

Ramona shook her head. "He is brightness and sunshine. Everything will work out."

"That's not realistic, is it?"

"I don't think so." Her friend looked down. "I hear about it sometimes, how people say the Survey Corps is a waste of money and soldiers' lives. If Erwin thinks even he is going to die, then chances are, Werner will too. But..."

"But?"

"It's what he wants to do," said Ramona. "And luck is a fickle thing. Don't they say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"

Marie wanted to think that, but felt that she had already lost, and she wasn't sure that she should ever have allowed herself to feel anything more than friendship.

"So are you and Werner serious?" asked Marie.

"He hasn't spoken to my parents yet, but we've talked about it."

"And?"

"I think I'll go with him to Shiganshina."

That was a big step. She would be leaving everyone behind in Wall Rose. Of all her friends, Marie hadn't expected that Ramona would be the one to do it. She had been so flustered on their drinking trip out to the countryside that Marie wasn't sure she had even _liked_ Werner.

"What if he dies?" said Marie.

"Then he does, but I want to try. And Marie," —Ramona put her hand on hers— "don't take this as a failure between you and Erwin. He's probably right, and my family isn't in nearly the same position as yours. I have lots of siblings. My parents will be fine without me and my brother is already helping run the store. I'm lucky enough to manage."

And Marie was not. She knew her friend hadn't meant it that way, but the thought sprang unbidden.

"What would happen, if you lost him?" Marie asked. "Wouldn't you feel like a part of yourself is gone? I already do, and I can't imagine what it would be like if he actually died. For now, at least, I know he's all right."

"I don't know," said Ramona. "I'd probably move back home, I guess. It would hurt, and I'd miss him, but he's different from the other boys we grew up with. He makes me laugh, and I'm comfortable letting him talk for both of us. I like that he tries so hard to impress me. I just don't think I'd run into that again, especially since we already know most of the men our age in town."

There wouldn't be another Erwin again. If there was, he would probably leave her too. It was a glum thought and Marie knew it.

"I guess I would need someone who could stay," said Marie. "Probably a shopkeeper's son. With my father the way he is, we'd have to live here."

"Probably," said Ramona. "Was there anyone you liked before?"

Marie shrugged. "I had a crush on Georg, but he's a few years older than us and he's married now, so..." She sighed. "I suppose there's no use in worrying about it. Something will come eventually. I just need time."

But either way, she knew she could not avoid thinking about Erwin. His friends would likely come to the tavern soon, and if he was with them, she would have to think of him as just another customer, and if he was not, the emptiness left behind would be impossible to fill.

* * *

 _A/N: It's been really hard trying to be fair to both Erwin and Nile with this story. The question was never why would Marie have chosen Nile over Erwin, so much as could she love Nile_ after _Erwin. We knew what the result was going to be, but Erwin has a bit of a leg up in the reader's mind, being a more established character, and I don't want Nile to be a weak substitute where Marie is clearly "settling" for him. The result is probably a more sensitive Nile than we'd expect given his professional appearances, but he is a guy who decided that he wanted the girl more than anything else, and he doesn't regret that decision. He has to have good points for Marie to fall in love with._

 _This chapter title was a little hard to come up with. The past two were "Even for Erwin" and "Titans or Marie" so I wanted a similar three word title with Nile's name in it. I decided on "But for Nile"_ before _writing it into the narration since it had a nice ring to it, even though in the narration itself it flows without calling attention to itself, which is probably the best way._


	15. Chapter 15: Left Alone

Chapter 15: Left Alone

A month passed, and the trainees still showed up to the bar, including Erwin. Marie was polite to them all, perfectly professional, and being a barmaid that meant smiles and good cheer, even if she did not feel it. She still asked how their training went and what they were up to. Werner even asked for a moment of her time to find out what was Ramona's favorite color. He wanted to get her a necklace, and if he was asking color, Marie figured that meant he intended to get one with a pretty stone attached.

There was no teasing of her and Erwin though. He must have told his friends, because the topic never came up, and she noticed that for a while Nile frowned a lot if he happened to look Erwin's way. Erwin himself was congenial and gave no indication that he had ever dated her at all, and at first she wasn't sure if that should be a blessing or infuriating. But then she decided it was a blessing, and that would make it easier to become friends again.

He hadn't come hunting with her though during the month since they had broken up, and she hadn't asked, but she was fine working with Nile alone, who never mentioned Erwin on those trips, not unless she inquired. Instead he asked how she was doing, how her parents were coping, or talked about the actual business of their hunt. She appreciated that.

"I see the new barmaid is running around like a chicken again," said Brett.

Olivia was doing much better, though Marie's mother did not entirely trust her to be on the floor unsupervised. She could take orders and deliver them well enough, but she wasn't equipped to deal with unruly customers. The poor girl wasn't even full grown yet, and some of the bar's patrons wouldn't take her seriously because of it.

"My father's gone for a few days," said Marie. "My aunt and uncle had a bad fire at their farm out in the country. Their house is mostly okay, but they completely lost the barn. He's gone out to help them rebuild, but in the meantime we need Olivia to keep us from running short-handed."

She helped out when needed, but they couldn't afford to keep her continually employed. Now that Marie's father had gotten back on his feet, the need for her had lessened, so they only brought her on when business was particularly busy, or for times like this. Olivia didn't mind, since she was still young and wanted to enjoy her free time while she could, and this was honest work. She could do a lot worse.

"So is there a big test for you all at the end of the training year?" asked Marie.

Darrin nodded. "Yup. It's not a huge part of our grade, but it's a last chance to show your stuff. Supposedly a few reps from each of the military branches come to watch. Helps them decide where we'll be stationed, squad assignments. Maybe put us on an early promotion track."

"Pfft. Stationing isn't going to matter for us," said Brett. "We're all going to Shiganshina. The Survey Corps doesn't need to put people in every district."

"But squad assignments!"

Andy placed a weary hand on his head and sighed. "Instructor Baumer still wants us in the Garrison. He keeps complaining that the Military Police are taking all the good recruits and that we'd be wasted in the Corps."

"He doesn't get to choose," said Erwin. "And he probably wants to send people there because that's where he came from."

"How does it work?" asked Marie. "Do you pick as soon as your ranking is decided?"

"There's a short graduation ceremony," said Nile. "After that they'll give us a couple days to think over our options and the Garrison and Survey Corps commanders do their recruitment speeches. The top ten get taken aside to meet the Military Police commander. Most people have already made up their minds by then, but sometimes people have a last minute change of heart."

"Yeah, it'll be the last chance for any of us to back out," said Werner, his expression oddly thoughtful.

"None of us are," said Brett. "End of story. The six of us are going to tear those Titans apart."

His words were met with cheers and Darrin asked Marie to bring them another round. She almost didn't hear him. Though Erwin had smiled, it hadn't quite reached his eyes, and she wondered if perhaps he had second thoughts. Nile hadn't cheered at all.

"Same orders?" she asked.

On getting confirmation, she started walking towards the counter where her mother was working. Her back was to the door when she heard it thrust open, the calla lily bell ringing like an alarm.

"Is Irena here?"

The newcomer was flushed despite the cold outside, and he panted loudly to catch his breath.

"That's me," said Marie's mother. "What is it?"

He jogged up to the bar and breathed, "I rode out from Yancel Village. It's about your husband."

-AoT-

The next hour passed in a blur. Marie got the details. Her father had collapsed again and her aunt and uncle were looking after him. Two runners had left the village, one to get a doctor and the other to notify his family. They didn't want anyone to worry, but it would be best to prepare for the worst.

Marie's mother asked the patrons to leave early, and the regulars offered prayers and kind thoughts as they departed. Tomorrow was week's end so at least the bar would a short reprieve during which they would normally have minimal business.

"But we can't close entirely," said her mother. "We already have orders placed for tomorrow. So I while I go out and check on your father, I want you to manage the bar. Since it's week's end you should only need to handle the baked goods that people are expecting to pick up. I'll be back as soon as I can. Nance will help with the baking in the morning and I know you can do the rest."

Marie fidgeted though, because knowing wasn't enough. "But I've never..." she began. "I've never been here without you."

It wasn't just the idea of running the bar alone, but she had never spent a day without her parents. They might part for a few hours, or even most of the day, but she had always been able to come home to them. To be completely on her own, without anyone to turn to, and under such circumstances... What if something went wrong? Who would she ask?

"This is what we've been preparing you for," said her mother, "just in case, ever since your father got sick. I'll try not to be gone long. If I'm not back after week's end and you feel up to it, you can open the bar again the following day with Nance and Olivia's help."

"But what if Papa...?"

Her mother hugged her. "Let's hope not, dear. If it happens we'll just have to close up for a while, and I'll send word. But while there's hope, we've got to keep going. It will be no good if Papa is all right, but we haven't kept the bar running."

"We can help, if you need." Erwin's voice was quiet. She wasn't sure when he joined them, but he and Nile stood nearby in the otherwise empty bar.

Her mother turned, surprised to see them. She glanced at Erwin, then at Nile, and her shoulders relaxed. "It would be much appreciated if you could, though I have no idea how we can repay you. You've already done so much. If there's any way you can help Marie..."

"We will," said Nile. "We might not know the ins and outs of running a bar, but if she needs a pair of hands, we can follow instructions."

It might not be so bad then, she thought, especially when Marie considered that it would be the three of them again, like things had been when life was less complicated last spring. If she wasn't sure about something, she could talk to them, and for certain Erwin would have a good opinion.

"Thank you," said Marie.

-AoT-

But then, things didn't work out as she expected.

It started when her mother left early in the morning, waking Marie well before she usually got up. She could tell because she felt incredibly tired. The sky was dark, which was normal for this time in winter, but rather than go back to bed after hugging her mother good-bye, Marie quietly dressed and sat by the window, watching the snow fall on the windowsill.

She was tired, but not sleepy, which in itself was exhausting. A few people meandered by outside, carrying lanterns as they had errands to run even this early in the morning. With time, the sky brightened, even though the sun itself was hidden by clouds, and Marie reluctantly pulled herself away. She could hear someone puttering around downstairs, which meant that Nance had arrived and it was time to get to work.

Marie found the older woman downstairs, already baking, and Nance gave her a reassuring hug, telling her that it would all work out. She couldn't know the future, but Marie appreciated the sentiment. It would have been nice if Nance could stay longer, but she had a family of her own to get back to, and this was the one day a week she could spend time with them instead of toiling at her job. Coming here this week's end to do the baking was a favor, to do the work Marie's parents would otherwise handle.

The two of them set out the first batch of bread to cool and then Nance left the pies baking for Marie to take out when ready. She knew how long to leave them without burning the crust, and watched the hourglass carefully to make sure she did not accidentally miss the time.

By late morning, Marie was alone, surrounded by the smell of her family's baking. She took out the pies, set them on racks to cool, and wrapped the earlier loaves of bread in paper before taking them out to the front of the bar where she set them on a shelf behind the counter.

The bar was so empty without anyone else. She would have at least a few customers today, but only for pick-up. The room felt almost abandoned, and yet she was still here, as though the world had ended and left her behind.

Marie unlocked the front door, and removed the sign saying closed, though she did not turn it around to say it was open either. The regulars who ordered for week's end knew to come inside without prompting, and those who had nothing to pick up would not be able to buy anything anyway.

The bell rang, too early for a customer, as Marie was about to return to the kitchen.

It was Nile. He was bundled up in a thick winter coat and a green scarf. Flakes of fresh snow were in his hair.

"Good morning," she said. "Thanks for coming out." Weariness pinched at the corners of her eyes, but somehow she found it within herself to smile. "Is Erwin outside?"

"Erwin's not coming," said Nile. He looked down, as if afraid to see her reaction. "He got held up by the instructors. It's not his fault, really."

"But it's week's end," said Marie.

Erwin had the day off. He'd always had the day off. Even if he couldn't spend it with her, it was free time, and he could use it however he wished. And he was supposed to come today. He always came when she needed him.

Though they weren't seeing each other anymore. She was just a friend. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was all.

"It wasn't his choice," said Nile, a little stronger this time. "He really wanted to come. _I_ barely got out either. We're trainees, but we're still soldiers. They wanted our input for the second year trainee finals, and they can't ask us during the rest of the week because we're too busy with our own training." He sighed. "Erwin convinced them that they didn't need both of us, and he's the better student, so they kept him."

"Didn't he say anything?" Marie asked. "Couldn't they have waited a week?"

 _Why today?_ she wanted to scream.

"We both tried," said Nile. His shoulders sagged. "I offered to stay instead of him. I'm sure you would rather have had Erwin come, but for what it's worth, I'm here, and I'll do whatever you need me to do."

There was a melancholy in his voice and Marie hoped she was not the cause. She wanted to see Erwin, but Nile was still her friend, and she didn't want him to think his presence was unwelcome. He was here, she wasn't alone anymore, and that was something.

"Do you want to help me wrap the pies?" she asked.

* * *

 _A/N: I took the unusual step of writing Chapter 16 before I finished Chapter 15. The reason for this was pacing, as Chapter 16 is one of my "very important" chapters where I have a very specific moment I want to end on. It turned out while writing Chapter 15 that I wasn't sure where to end it to ensure my plan for Chapter 16 worked without ruining the pacing. (This is why working ahead of schedule is nice.)_

 _So I took a break after Erwin and Nile offer to help Marie and wrote out Chapter 16 before coming back to Chapter 15. In fact, the day I made this decision was the Friday before Chapter 14 was posted, which means that I was proofreading 14 while paused on 15 and writing 16. It was a little confusing having three chapters floating in my head at once, but I like to think it'll ultimately be worth it._


	16. Chapter 16: The Boy with the Flowers

Chapter 16: The Boy with the Flowers

It was just the two them, which Nile had not expected. The cook, Nance, had left before he had even arrived, and Erwin, damn him, wasn't around. It wasn't as though Nile was uncomfortable being alone with Marie. They had gone hunting enough, just the two of them, but it was awkward being in the bar, trying to find something to say, when the circumstances were so painful.

Erwin would know the words. Nile didn't.

After the two of them wrapped the pies, Nile stood behind the counter in the front room of the bar, cataloging their inventory for the coming week and for the most part, keeping his mouth shut. Perhaps it would be enough to have companionable silence.

Marie cleaned the front room of the dirt and stains that were too hard to see at night and said nothing either, save for directions on how he could help. They were running low on flour and salt, which Nile ran out to buy, but for the most part the bar could last a few more days. Marie said that Nance would take care of buying the perishables if they chose to open tomorrow. If they weren't using salted meat or dried vegetables, those sorts of things had to be bought daily.

"Are you holding up?" he finally asked. She had pointed out a space at the bottom of the kitchen pantry for him to set down the bag of flour, and he was glad as the thing was heavy, even given his military training.

"Trying not to think about it," she said, "but there's nothing I can do. I'm not a doctor, so even if I was there, I couldn't help him." She paused, glancing him over, and he wondered if he looked as tired as he felt. "You know, you don't have to stay anymore if you don't want. Since you took care of the shopping I should be able to handle the rest. It'll just be dealing with–"

The bell rang.

"–customers," said Marie, distracted. She walked back out front and with a grunt Nile stood up and followed her.

This was not their first customer of the afternoon. They had a couple before Marie sent him shopping, and Nile had recognized one of them as a bar regular. The one who walked up to the counter now was an older woman though, and didn't look like the drinking type. She reminded Nile too much of his grandmother, who entertained a sip on holidays, but otherwise abstained.

"Hello, Gretchen," said Marie with a smile. "I believe you wanted pumpernickel this week and a winterberry pie for the grandchildren."

"Thank you," said the woman. "I'm sorry to hear about your father."

Marie's smile faded, just a little. "Yeah, news travels fast. But we're still hoping it will work out."

Nile glanced at the shelves and picked out the bread and pie from the few remaining. He set them on the counter while Marie handled the money.

"Is this the trainee you've been seeing?" asked Gretchen. "You look cute together."

Nile froze, trying to figure out the words to say. He wasn't in uniform, it would have looked strange while helping in the bar, but somehow the old lady had guessed that he was a soldier anyway.

"It's not quite like that," said Marie. Her voice was weary, making it unclear whether her fatigue was due to her romantic situation or that of her father. "But he's helping me today."

Gretchen studied her, and then Nile, who shuffled awkwardly. "It's really not what you think," he finally said.

"And you have your order," said Marie, gently pushing the bread and pie across the counter to remind her. "Please stop by again soon."

The woman carefully gathered her purchases in her arms, but before she left she turned to Nile and said, "Take care of her. She could use someone right now."

He looked at Marie, but she either hadn't heard or pretended not to notice.

"I don't mind staying," he said, continuing their conversation from before. "I offered to help, and I meant it. If you want to take a rest, I can manage the counter for you. It doesn't look like there's much left to distribute. I just need to know how much to charge people."

Marie smiled wanly. "It might look a little strange having a newcomer behind the counter, but if you don't mind grabbing a rag, I think there are more tables to clean."

He didn't, though Nile gained a new appreciation for Marie's job after scrubbing down a few tables. Some of that stuff got ground in, so much that he promised himself to yell at any of the trainees who spilled food the next time they came here. A moment's consideration on their part would save Marie and her family a lot of hassle at the end of the night, or week's end.

The sky was almost dark by the time they had sent the last customer home with their bread and Nile went into the kitchen to retrieve his winter coat and scarf. It was going to be a long, cold walk back. He would have liked to have taken Blue, but he wasn't going to leave her tied to a post outside in snow.

To the side of him, Marie opened up one of the cabinets to take out a much smaller pot than what Nile would expect a bar to use for cooking.

"You don't have to leave yet," she said. "I thought about cooking for you and Erwin, to thank you for helping out today, and even though Erwin's not here, I still would like to."

"Are you sure?" asked Nile. "I don't want to be a bother."

"You're not," said Marie. She rubbed at her eyes and sighed. "I'm just tired. And, I'm glad you said you'd stay. I don't want to be a bother either, and I just feel... like I've been horribly unfair to you."

"Maybe I should be the one cooking then."

Marie laughed, and Nile was glad his offer had been worth it. "Can you cook as well as sew?" she asked.

He smiled ruefully. "Only what they make us do in the mess. It might not be good enough for you."

"Then why don't you set one of the tables out front for us? Utensils are in the drawer over there, and plates in the cabinet above."

"Anything else?" he asked as he walked over to where she pointed.

"Not really. I'm not going to get too fancy and it's scarcely more difficult to cook for two than it is for one."

Nile set the table and lit a lamp he placed in the middle so they could see. Marie joined him while the food simmered and asked about idle things; what they cooked in the barracks, how his trip had been here in the snow. Far too little time passed before she got up and returned to the kitchen. Eventually she came back with a pot of smoked pork and sweet potatoes smothered in gravy, which she split between both their plates.

The two of them ate, sitting across from one another, and Nile wished for more days like this, only under better circumstances. It would be nice, to eat dinner and spend nights together with her.

"Marie," he said, "I know this isn't a good time, but there's something I've been wanting to tell you, and if I think about it too much, no time will ever be."

She looked up, cautious, and her expression was almost enough to make him stop, but Nile knew that this was something he had been wanting to tell her for months, and if Erwin was not going to protect this woman's heart...

"I really like you, Marie," said Nile. "I care about you... a lot."

She looked away, unsurprised. "I know. I think I've known for a long time now. But it doesn't change anything, does it? You're going to join the Survey Corps, and even though you're among the best in your class, you're probably going to die."

Nile cursed Erwin for having put such a sad notion in her head. He put his hands down and leaned over the table. "I don't have to go into the Survey Corps." The words tumbled out, fully realized, and though the thought had occurred to him before, once they came out they could never be taken back. "I'll join the Military Police," he said. "I'm not locked into a branch yet. I don't have to choose until after graduation, and it's a good job, prestigious even. So you'll always have someone to turn to."

Marie smiled sadly. "I can't ask that of you. I don't want to be the one to clip your wings and leave you without any."

She didn't have to ask. He was offering, and he knew there was no place he would rather be than with her.

"There are other wings," he said, "beside the ones of freedom."

She didn't believe him, not entirely. He could tell. But her smile did not disappear.

They finished their dinner together and Nile washed the dishes. It wasn't anything he could recall his father doing, but he'd scrubbed enough at the training camp that he didn't find this any different than doing kitchen duty.

Marie peeked out the window and then closed the shutters. "It's snowing pretty badly," she said.

Nile sighed. "Great. I'll be careful on the way back. The signposts are pretty high, so even if the road gets buried I should still have a good idea where I'm going."

"You're on foot though. I don't want you to freeze to death."

"Honestly, I think the instructors have put us through worse."

He grinned, trying to set her at ease, but Marie shook her head.

"It's my fault you're out here," she said. "You should spend the night until the snow stops. Since my parents aren't here, you can sleep in my room, and I'll sleep in my parents'. I can't feel good about sending you out in weather like this."

Nile was tempted, but he knew he had exercises tomorrow, and if he stayed the night that would mean leaving extremely early in the morning to make it back by first bell. He could do it, but he would hate to bother Marie by leaving so early in the morning.

"How bad is it?" he asked, reaching for the shutters. "Can I look?"

She stepped aside and tugged a shawl closer around her body. "Go ahead."

He could already see the drifts forming outside and the wind rattled the walls as it blew. It wouldn't be a good idea to head back, but he probably could do it, if he wanted it badly enough. The right thing would be to go now, before he got snowed in.

But maybe, getting snowed in wouldn't be too bad.

He would certainly get an earful if he got back left, and the instructors might not buy into the snowed in excuse, but as long as he could keep his ranking, as long as he still qualified for the Military Police...

She had said she was glad he stayed earlier tonight. Marie didn't want to be alone.

"Okay," he said. "I'll stay."

Marie led him upstairs to her family's lodgings above the bar, the two of them huddling together to ward off the cold as she fiddled with the latch. There was already a good layer of snow on the steps and they were slippery besides.

Then she got the door open and they tumbled inside. Nile closed the door behind them and Marie fumbled in the dark until she was able to light a lamp. Her family's quarters were small, but then there was only her and her parents, so there had not been need for additional rooms, and they used the bar's kitchen for their own.

Marie reached up and brushed flecks of snow from Nile's hair, before motioning for him to follow. "That's my room over there."

It was small, with just enough space between dresser and bed in which to change. A plush donkey, the one he had given her, sat on top of the dresser, and he noted with surprise that pinned to the wall was a pressed bouquet of white calla lilies.

"I'll leave you with the lamp," said Marie, setting it on the nightstand by her bed. "That way you won't have to stumble in the dark." She opened her dresser and pulled out an additional blanket that she laid on the bed. "And tonight looks chilly so you can use this if you need it. I'm sorry I don't have a change of clothes for you..."

"It's all right," he said. "What about you? Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be warm enough," she said. "My parents have extra blankets in their room too."

"That's not what I meant."

"You're being a dear, Nile." Her face was soft, sad, in the lamplight. "I don't need anything right now, but just in case... Thanks for being here." She hesitated, then hugged him good night.

-AoT-

Marie woke early. The sky was dark without a hint of dawn, and she was cold. But she was awake, and did not feel much like going to sleep. She dressed herself, shawl pulled tight about her body, and stepped out into the common room. Whatever the time was, the door to her bedroom was still shut, so Nile was sleeping.

He was too kind. She felt horrible suggesting he stay for her sake, knowing he was just like Erwin; someone meant to explore the outside world. If she hadn't met him, he would be entering the Survey Corps without a second thought and she couldn't ask him to give up that kind of dream any more than she could give up her own family.

The latch rattled, surprising her, and she glanced at the shutters. There was no sign of predawn beyond them, though sunrise was very late these months.

Marie hurried over to the door, which opened just as she got there. Her mother stepped inside, and shook off a snow-covered hat. The sky outside was cloudy, but the wind was gone, and the snow no longer fell.

"I'm back, dear," said her mother, giving her a quick hug. "I know you were so anxious about staying home alone I came back as soon as I could."

"But Papa?"

"Is going to be all right. Your aunt panicked, but it's not the same thing as before. It's just a cold and he's going to be fine with a few days' rest. He'll be back before next week's end."

Marie sagged and hugged her mother. "I can't believe it..." she murmured, burying her face into her mother's shoulder. "Thank goodness."

Her mother patted her back. "I know, dear. Small miracles are the best ones."

A different door clicked open and Nile stepped out of Marie's room. He was fully dressed, but his eyes met her mother's and Marie could feel the sudden awkwardness in the air. He had just come out of _her room_.

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "Marie let me stay the night because of the snow and..."

"We were in different rooms," Marie added quickly. "I stayed in yours, and I couldn't let him sleep on the floor or a chair because it was so cold so I lent him my bed."

To Marie's surprise, her mother smiled. "It's all right. I trust him." To Nile she said, "It's been a long time since I've gotten a chance to speak to you without all the other trainees around. What was your name, again? I've seen you in the back helping my husband with the boar meat you and Marie have been bringing, but you never seem to want to come inside by yourself."

"I'm Nile Dok," he said. He stood up straight and offered a salute, which was oddly charming, if out of place, in his civilian garb. "And I wasn't meaning to avoid you. I just didn't want to get in anyone's way."

Marie's mother nodded, committing the name to memory. "I won't forget this time, and Marie has been very cagey about talking about you."

"It's not like that, Mama," said Marie, her voice cross now that she had the freedom to be.

Her mother smiled in the most infuriating way. "With all the moping you've been doing these past couple months I thought something happened between you two."

Nile glanced at Marie, confused, and hoping for some kind of clue. Marie groaned, knowing exactly what was happening.

"That was something else," said Marie, not wanting to talk about Erwin. "It doesn't anything to do with him."

"Maybe I should leave," said Nile. "I still need to get back to the training camp and if the weather's clear enough to travel..."

He pulled on his winter jacket and wrapped his scarf around his neck.

"You should see him out to the front of the bar," said her mother.

"There's no need," he said, with a reassuring glance to Marie. Maybe he had picked up what was wrong. "Marie can stay indoors where it's warm. I need to hurry anyway..."

As Nile shut the door behind him, her mother asked, "So how serious are you?"

"He's just a friend," said Marie.

"One who goes hunting with you every week, snow or shine? One who spends the night when you're worried about being left alone?" Her mother sighed. "I told you, Marie, I'd be more accepting of his help if I knew whether the two of you had a future together."

Marie rolled her eyes. "Mama, you said that about the boy with the flowers."

"I know, and I meant it. When is he going to be more than that? I think he's interested."

"Even if he is, Nile isn't..." Marie trailed off, confusion tugging at her brain. "Wait, something isn't making any sense. Are we talking about one boy or two?"

Her mother's forehead creased. "I'm only talking about one. There's a second?"

Marie shook her head. "I think I've been misunderstanding something. The boy with the flowers, Nile, are we talking about the same person?"

"How could you forget?" said her mother. "Nile brought them the day after you came back from touring the forest. He was in a hurry because he had to get back to the training camp and he didn't want to wake you so he left them with me. I know I'd forgotten his name, but you seemed to know who they were from."

Nile, not Erwin. Nile was the boy with the flowers.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope people enjoyed this extremely Nile-centric chapter. Though the true identity of the boy with the flowers might come as a surprise, I like to think I set up adequately for it. It's been hard holding in this twist all this time! Marie's mother doesn't actually say who gave her the flowers in Chapter 3, and Marie's assumption that it was Erwin was entirely in her head. If you read the scenes where either Erwin or Nile is around flowers, it's possible to see that Erwin doesn't know much about them but Nile does. He's the only one to refer to the calla lily by name when he sees one (when he fixes Marie's hat). This is the reason for his confusion and frustration in the early chapters, because Marie never thanked him for the calla lily bouquet and he didn't have the heart to ask what happened._

 _The chapter title "The Boy with the Flowers" was originally going to be used for Chapter 12, since it's such a powerful image, but since I already knew Nile was the boy in question, I didn't want to use it when Erwin was still foremost in Marie's mind, even though that's the chapter where her mother first asks her about her future with said boy. Her mother was thinking of Nile, but Marie was thinking of Erwin._


	17. Chapter 17: Other Wings

Chapter 17: Other Wings

Marie was mortified. She thought she had thanked Erwin for the flowers, but she couldn't remember exactly what she had said or why he didn't say anything in return, and it wasn't like she could thank Nile for them a whole nine months after he'd given them to her. And he hadn't said a word about it.

She had probably come off as terribly ungrateful. Even if she hadn't liked the gift, which she _had_ , the polite thing would have been to thank him, to at least say something.

Most awkwardly of all, she had decided to give Erwin a chance because she had been so happy to receive them. Without the flowers, they might never have become more than friends, and she didn't know whether to be grateful or rue that Nile had ever given them to her. And if she had known it was Nile, if he had been less considerate and taken up her mother's offer to wake her... would she have started seeing him instead?

He'd made his interest plain, offering to join the Military Police instead of the Survey Corps, but was that right? Marie didn't know. Her mother would probably be ecstatic. It was a sign of the more permanent relationship she wanted for Marie, a sign of commitment.

But she still _liked_ Erwin.

That bothered her most of all. It might started as a misunderstanding, but it wasn't as though there hadn't been feelings between them. He had cared for her, and in some ways, still did. That was why he had left, so there wouldn't be any hardship further down the line.

It took time, but Erwin began to join her on hunting trips with Nile again. As the weeks passed, things became easier. Nile did not press her either, perhaps knowing that she still needed space. Ironically, things almost felt like they had before, when the three of them were just friends and nothing more.

Erwin and Nile even managed to get into a snowball fight while on a hunting trip. Once that happened and Marie found herself dragged into a three way tussle, she laughed, and she realized that she hadn't felt that good in a long time. She didn't want any hard feelings between her and the two men, or between either of them. Though Nile had not said so, she suspected that he had blamed Erwin for her mood after they broke up. He wouldn't have been wrong, but she didn't want him to fight with Erwin over it.

"We needed that," she breathed, falling back into a drift of snow.

Nile threw a half-formed snowball at Erwin that crumbled before it made it to him. He bent over, panting. "Yeah, I suppose we did."

Erwin leaned against the wagon, the day's boar already packed away in the bed. "I've missed this."

And in a couple months it wouldn't happen anymore.

"I'm glad you started coming with us again," said Marie, and she realized she meant it. Even if she could not hold him, could not kiss him, he was still her friend, and he mattered to her.

Erwin smiled. "Come on. Let's head back before it gets too late."

Some things did change though.

In the past she would have ridden in the wagon bed with Erwin, snuggled beside him, perhaps her head on his shoulder. Now she rode on the wagon bench with Nile and there was no such intimacy between them. She was aware of Nile watching her. He didn't stare, but he glanced at her often, as if to make sure she was all right.

Other wings, he had said.

It sounded like a silly romantic gesture. The Military Police insignia was of a unicorn. But then, he had been the one to bring her flowers.

-AoT-

Erwin found Nile hiding up on his bunk in the barracks. His friend had been retreating there a lot after the day's training, and was unlikely to come down aside from three occasions; mealtimes, to go to the bar, and to go hunting with Marie.

"People are going to forget you exist if you keep disappearing up there," said Erwin. He kept his tone light, but he knew Nile had to be up to something.

"I'm busy," said Nile. "Don't you have some studying to do?"

"Not any more than you do. And I don't think you're reading a book up there."

He heard Nile shift around on his bunk. His friend had wanted top so bad when they arrived as first years that Erwin let him have it. He didn't have much in the way of a preference himself, having never had to share a room with a sibling, but apparently Nile had and something about that made him want to claim top. They hadn't known each other at all back then, but they were the same age so they had least that in common.

"I'm climbing up!" said Erwin.

"What the hell? Why–"

Erwin crested the bunk in time to see Nile yanking a green cloak over his sewing kit. He hadn't quite made it, as one end was peeking out from underneath the fabric.

"Why would you barge up here?" said Nile.

"Because you've been acting strange," said Erwin, seating himself on the edge of the bed. "It's natural to wonder what you've been up to."

He looked at the cloak, which seemed to be one of the standards issued to all trainees. Nile had flipped it upside down though, so Erwin was looking at the inside, rather than the back. His needle and thread were sticking through the lining and Erwin could make out the outline of some of the work that had been done.

Nile huffed and bundled the cloak further into a pile so Erwin could not figure out the design. He wasn't repairing a cloak. The thread had been coming out of the middle, not the hem, and though Erwin had only caught a glimpse of the back, it looked like Nile had been embroidering something.

"That isn't something one of the guys asked you to do, is it?" asked Erwin. "You know it's against regulation to modify the three swords on the back of the cloak."

"Yes, I know," said Nile, irritated. "Why do you think I'm hiding up here?"

"Fair enough."

Erwin had no intention of reporting Nile for it. He figured if his friend was caught, then it was his own fault, but if he got away with it, then there was no harm done. Their time as trainees was almost over, and the cloaks were the trainees' to keep. They had been issued two each, so if someone wanted to change one shortly before graduation, there was a decent chance of getting away with it.

"So who's it for?" asked Erwin. "I thought you were just about fed up sewing things for people. Or is it because it's getting close to graduation and someone offered you a good bribe?"

"Don't be ridiculous. It's none of your business."

"You know that's just makes me more curious."

"Doesn't mean I'm more inclined to show you."

Erwin grinned and lunged for the cloak. Startled, Nile yanked it back, but not before Erwin managed to get a hold of the hem. The cloak stretched out and Erwin could see the design now, marked with a sewing pencil. It was no minor modification. The design was going right over the training camp symbol of the three swords, and would be impossible to miss.

"A unicorn?" said Erwin.

That was the symbol of the Military Police Brigade, but this wasn't the Military Police's design. This one had wings. Rather than just showing the head of a unicorn, Nile had outlined the entire body of a winged unicorn, flying with wings spread before the three swords.

"What is this?" Erwin asked.

"It doesn't matter," said Nile, pulling the cloak free. He bundled it up again and looked down at what he held. "Well, actually, maybe it does. Because there's something I have to tell you and the other guys."

Erwin settled cross-legged on Nile's bed, ready to listen. He didn't try for levity anymore. "I never suspected you'd aspire to the Military Police. But that can't be all of it, because if it was only that, you'd just have to wait for spring and you'd get a proper cloak of your own. I don't think there's any way you'll fall out of the top ten rankings now."

"I didn't aspire to it," said Nile. "I wanted to join the Survey Corps with you and everyone else. I wanted to make something of myself."

Past tense, Erwin noted. "But?" he asked.

"I told Marie that there are other wings, besides the Wings of Freedom." Nile shifted the material in his hands, so the unicorn's wings came out again. "I know it sounds stupid, but she needs someone who will stay and help her and her family. After we graduate, if we both go, then she's not going to have anyone to hunt with anymore."

"Nile," said Erwin, "I worry about Marie too. You know that, and I don't want to say that you're wrong, but changing your mind about the Survey Corps so close to graduation... It's going to change yout future and I don't know how much you've thought about it. I know you and Marie are friends, but I don't think she's in love with you and you aren't responsible for the well-being of her and her family. Do you care so much about her that you'd be willing to join the Military Police even if she never loves you back?"

His friend smiled, oddly sad, and said, "I'm going to miss you guys. I can't help feeling like I'm turning my back on the team. We put everything into making sure that the six of us would be as strong as possible, not just as individuals, but as a group. I hate the thought of being the guy who quit, and I know you won't be as strong without me, but when I thought about what I would like to do if I had just a year left before a titan ate me, I realized that all I could think about was wanting to be with Marie. I know it's possible nothing will happen, but if by chance, I could be with her, I would hate myself for not taking it."

It would be the life Erwin had set aside, knowing that it wouldn't work. He had to go outside. Nile did not. But most importantly to Erwin, Nile knew what he wanted, and was willing to take the chance to earn it.

He didn't know what Marie thought of Nile, if there was a possibility beyond friendship, but he did know Nile, and that she would be in good hands with him.

"Go for it," said Erwin. "You have my support. And I'm sure the other guys will come around too."

"It doesn't bother you?"

Nile sounded surprised, and Erwin wasn't sure if his friend meant from a tactical perspective or a romantic one. The former was a concern, yes, but if Nile's heart wasn't in it, it would be better for him to serve in another branch. As for the latter...

"You're my friend, Nile," said Erwin. "And Marie is too. If you think your place is with her, I'd be happy knowing she has someone to depend on. The Survey Corps can recruit other soldiers. I know we won't be the only ones. The most important thing is that you do what matters most to you, and without regrets."

And Erwin knew, though he still missed Marie, that he did not regret his choice.

"I won't," said Nile, and there was strength in his voice again.

Erwin allowed himself a smile. "But I'm still not sure what you're doing with that cloak. The Military Police are your wings?"

"I talked with one of the officers here." Nile's voice was serious, pragmatic, the hesitation gone. "There are a few openings in Karanes District for new Military Police recruits. Because I already know this area from having trained here, I would be given preferential treatment for stationing. It's close. I would only be a short ride away, not really any farther than the training camp. I want Marie to know that I'm not going to feel constricted, that this choice is what I want. The Military Police will be _my_ wings, the ones that let me stay with her."

Erwin looked down at the cloak. It was probably a silly, though romantic, gesture on Nile's part. Marie might not even understand what Nile meant by such a design, but Erwin could not fault the sentiment behind it.

"So you told her you're staying?"

"I did," said Nile. "She doesn't think I should, she's afraid I'll regret it, but I won't. I have other wings."

So he did. Erwin nodded and said, "I'll wish you luck." And maybe a bit more.

* * *

 _A/N: I noticed that in the manga Nile tells Erwin that his family lives in Wall Rose, which I realized was rather strange, since a big perk of being in the Military Police is getting to live in the Interior. Because of his high station, Nile should actually be living within Wall Sina (Erwin even asks if he lives in Stohess), but he doesn't! I assume that the reason he lives in Wall Rose is due to family. For my story, it's because that's where Marie's parents are, and Nile and Marie raised their family there so the kids could be around their maternal grandparents and Marie would be happy._

 _As you can probably guess by now, the Wings of Love and Wings of Freedom in the title refer to Nile and Erwin's choices. Nile chose Love with Marie and Erwin chose Freedom with the Survey Corps._


	18. Chapter 18: Graduation

Chapter 18: Graduation

Nile put off telling the rest of the guys about his decision, but as spring approached, it became increasingly apparent that he couldn't avoid it entirely. Werner and Brett kept talking about how the six of them were going to take down their first titan, using all the moves they had trained for, and tried to get him to join in. Erwin was careful enough to suggest alternate scenarios that did not rely on Nile or his riding skills, but he could not deflect the others forever. Eventually Andy called it out while they talked strategy over dinner in the mess.

"There's just no good reason not to use Nile in that scenario," he said. "If you want to bait a titan on horseback he's the best one. Normally I'd trust your judgment, Erwin, but I just can't see why I would be a better choice. My skill with the maneuvering gear is good, but I don't have the speed and stamina of a horse."

Erwin sighed, glanced at Nile, and said to Andy, "You don't require flat ground like one either. You can take advantage of that. This is a supply outpost scenario. We're going to have a building to fight around."

"But Nile should be the default. We can adapt if we need to because of the terrain. That should be obvious enough. If we want to avoid damage to the outpost, the best thing to do is to put someone on a horse to lead the titan away." Andy turned to Nile. "Don't you agree?"

Nile breathed in, breathed out, and said, "If I was with you, yes. But I won't be."

Andy stared at him and Brett groaned.

"I _thought_ something was the matter with you," said Brett. "I saw you talking with Instructor Duluth and the only thing that ever gets him excited is showing someone into the Military Police."

Nile looked down. It was true. He'd talked with the instructor about his options if he joined. Duluth had been pleased that one of the current top ten was reconsidering. It was unusual that so many wanted to enter the Survey Corps and there were some instructors who found that flat out embarrassing. They didn't say so often where trainees could hear, but Nile was aware of the comment, that most of them would be dead within a year.

If Nile switched, their training camp would be sending five into the Military Police Brigade this year. It wouldn't be the majority, but at least they wouldn't be losing representation to the Survey Corps.

"You're... not coming?" said Werner.

"I made a decision," said Nile. He looked up, knowing that he would have to own this choice. He owed them that much. "There's a woman I like, a lot, and she and her family aren't in a good way right now. I'm going to join the Military Police so I can stay with her. And actually, you all know who she is so there's not much point in hiding it. It's Marie."

There was silence around the table, and then Brett and Darrin burst out laughing.

Nile flushed. "Why is that funny?"

"We knew you liked her. You should've seen your face when we went drinking for Marie's birthday," said Brett. "When she fell asleep on your shoulder you were as red as a beet."

"Wait..." said Werner, honestly perplexed. "I don't remember that."

"No surprise there. You were passed out by then!"

"But I thought she was seeing... _oh_... Wait, did Nile started courting her after...?" He glanced at Erwin, concerned he was about to say something wrong.

Erwin sighed, sounding extremely tired, and refrained from commenting.

"Well, in any case," said Andy, "I think congratulations are in order."

Nile thought that might be premature, seeing as he knew Marie was not nearly so committed to him, but aloud he said, "You're not upset?"

"Well, you _are_ leaving us hanging," said Darrin, "but we know Marie too. She and her family have been good people. The bar's been a great place to hang out this year, and it's nice knowing that one of us is going to look after her. If Erwin isn't going to do it, why the hell couldn't it be you? We know she trusts you, and honestly it was kind of weird when you were seeing her every week while she was still with Erwin."

"I wasn't-" Nile protested.

"It was all right," said Erwin. He gave them an easy smile. "I'm afraid I'll never be good husband material, and I've known that for a while."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Brett. "Women our age are awfully cute, but that whole having a family thing just isn't me."

"I want one," said Werner.

"Well, that's what Ramona is for, isn't she?" He thumped Werner on the back. "You said she's coming with you to Shiganshina. I still can't believe you got someone who likes you that much."

"Yeah. We're not going to marry right away though. She's going to look for work and I don't think I can support the two of us on a recruit's salary. I'll need to get some seniority so I can pay for a home and move out of the barracks."

The conversation turned, now focused on Werner and Ramona. Nile knew their arrangement was not an option for Marie. She needed him here, within Wall Rose, so she could stay by her family. He would miss these guys, but if Marie was happy, it would be worth it.

-AoT-

Graduation was in early spring, and Marie's parents gave her permission to attend. They figured for one day they would be able to hold out without her. She met up with Ramona, who was coming to see Werner, and the two of them made the long walk out to the training camp.

The weather was still chilly, but at least there was little wind, so they would not be too cold standing out in the open. When they arrived they found only a handful of locals in attendance, those who had sent their children into the training camp, and a rare few who had made the trip from out of town. One noble set up a tent in the courtyard with attendants to watch her pride and joy march before everyone else. She made sure everyone knew that her daughter was in the top ten. But for the most part, the people in attendance were the trainees themselves and their instructors.

There were benches for the audience to use and a stage so that the speakers could be heard by everyone present. A man named Baumer seemed to be their chief instructor, and his voice boomed across the field, congratulating the trainees on their performance and persistence these past three years. In particular he read off the names of the top ten trainees as they presented themselves to those in attendance.

Erwin was number one, Andy was third, Nile fourth, Darrin sixth, Brett seventh, and Werner ninth. The six of them looked impressive, soldiers already, as they saluted, hearts dedicated to their work. It wasn't to say that the other four impressed her any less, but Marie knew those six, and she knew what they were like when they did not have the weight of duty upon them.

Baumer ran through the names of all the graduating trainees, allowing each a moment to be recognized, before concluding with a speech about the military's expectations of them and instructions to report two days from now for branch selection. Then they were released, to talk with their families or enjoy the rest of the day. They would have interim duties tomorrow.

Marie found Erwin, Nile, and their friends clumped together. None of them had family who could make it, but they did not seem particularly bothered by that. The six of them were smiling and laughing, and Werner had the most ridiculous grin on his face. She turned to wave Ramona over, but her friend was already right beside her. Werner pulled Ramona into a bear hug and spun her around, earning hoots of encouragement from Darrin and Brett.

Ignoring those two, Marie turned to Erwin and Nile and said, "Congratulations, both of you."

"Thanks for coming out," said Nile. His express was bright, as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders.

"I'm going to miss seeing you," said Erwin.

She smiled to hide the feelings that wouldn't go away and gave him a hug. "Don't be a stranger. If ever you're in the area, you're more than welcome to stop by the bar."

"I'll do that," he said, and when he returned her hug she realized just how much she had missed being close to him.

"That goes for you too," she said to Nile. She hugged him as well and whispered, "And go kill some titans."

Nile held her without uttering a word, and when he let go, Erwin said, "Aren't you going to say anything? I think the lady is unclear about something."

"Not while everyone is here," said Nile, shooting Erwin a glare.

Marie glanced at Erwin inquiringly and he grinned, clearly pleased with Nile's discomfort.

"You'd better not say anything," Nile warned.

"Empty threats," said Erwin, still smiling. "Don't forget you already did your stab in the back. This is just getting you in turn."

"Is that how you see it?"

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," said Marie, genuinely confused, "but I can't see Nile stabbing you in the back."

"Oh, he's up to something," said Erwin. He slung an arm around Nile and dragged him close. "In fact, he's been busy sewing lately. You should ask him about that Wings of Love cloak he's been working on."

Nile turned incredibly red. "Erwin, fuck off!"

"Wings of Love?" Marie echoed.

She remembered Nile talking about other wings, but he hadn't called them that. Though, judging from his reaction to Erwin's words, perhaps that was never his intention. It did sound rather goofy, especially for Nile. If it was someone like Werner she wouldn't have given it a second thought.

"It's something I wanted to show you," said Nile, considerably more sheepish. "But not here. I couldn't wear it out in the middle of all this."

"Not to mention the instructors probably wouldn't let you graduate while wearing it," said Erwin.

Nile pulled away. "Don't you have some titans to kill?"

"Hey, I've got two more days until branch assignment. That's plenty of time to make sure you die of embarrassment."

"Wait, what's this about making Nile die of embarrassment?" Darrin leaned in to join the conversation.

"Like hell I'm telling you," said Nile. "And Erwin, I will never forgive you if you breathe a word about this to the guys."

Erwin threw up his hands. "Sorry, Darrin, it looks like I can't say anything. I understand Nile is buying us all drinks the night we choose our branches, so I really can't afford to jeopardize that."

"Oh, is _that_ it," said Darrin. "Well, you can carry on then."

"You are all dead to me," said Nile.

Marie watched Darrin rejoin the other conversation, but Erwin and Nile still lingered close, the three of them together as they had been so many times before.

"It's all coming to end," she said. She knew this day was coming, but it had never felt so real as it did now. "I'm sorry the past few months haven't been the closest between the three of us, but I want you to know that no matter what, I care about both of you, and I wish we could have spent more time together."

"There will be more days," said Erwin. "They might not be as frequent, but this is not the end of our friendship. Think of it as a temporary parting. We'll be back, and maybe we won't ever be far at all."

He glanced at Nile, who shook his head. "We are friends," said Nile, more to Erwin than Marie. "Don't make this stranger than it has to be."

Erwin lightly punched him in the arm. "Good luck to you too." And with a smile and a wave, he walked away.

"What does that mean?" asked Marie.

Nile sighed. "I think it means that I need to show you my wings."

* * *

 _A/N: There are just two installments remaining, so if you've been reading along in real time, that means the epilogue will go up the first week of August. Thanks a lot for reading this far. Next time we'll see a proper start to Nile and Marie's relationship and the epilogue will flash forward after that._

 _It's hard to believe my time with these characters is almost over. As I mentioned on tumblr, I've been rereading the Uprising arc since it's the biggest indicator of Nile's personality and I hope that he comes back again later. I'm looking forward to seeing chapter 53 animated. Though it's not an action-oriented scene, if the anime is going to take liberties and do some padding (which it's done already) it would be nice if some of the padding could be a Erwin and Nile flashback with Marie._


	19. Chapter 19: Two Hearts

Chapter 19: Two Hearts

Nile showed up at the bar late the next night, just as they were closing. He asked to talk to Marie, and her mother shooed her outside so the two of them could have some privacy away from the remaining customers. Her mother said she could handle the rest. Embarrassed, Marie followed him out. The air was chilly, the spring nights not yet over the thrall of winter.

"Just yourself tonight?" she asked.

The only light came through the shutters of the bar, and Nile was wearing the outdoor cloak of the military over his shoulders. Something was different about it though. She only caught a glimpse of something embroidered on top of the three swords before he turned around to face her. His expression was serious, and he offered her a bundle of flowers he held in his arms.

It was a bouquet of white calla lilies.

"These are for you," he said. "I admit, I'm a little nervous about giving these again, seeing as you never said anything about the last time, but I saw you still had them in your room so..."

She still did. Even after finding out that they were from Nile, rather than Erwin, she hadn't taken them down.

"I'm sorry I never thanked you," she said.

Marie glanced down, hands clasped behind her back. She wanted to look away, ashamed for having waited so long to say something, but she couldn't do that to him. He deserved sincerity, so she lifted her head and said:

"I made a mistake, and I don't even know how it happened anymore, but somehow, I thought the flowers had come from Erwin. I eventually found out they were from you, but by then it had been so long that I didn't know what to say. I want to apologize for that, and for you to know how much they meant to me. No one had ever given me flowers before, and the reason I pressed them for keeping, was because I wasn't sure that would ever happen again."

"I can buy as many as you like," said Nile. "Go ahead. You can have these."

She accepted the new bouquet, which even in the poor light, she could tell had been arranged and carried with the same care as the first. He remembered her favorite flower, and hadn't forgotten in the months she had said nothing.

"We're choosing our branches tomorrow," he said. "I've already met with the commander of the Military Police Brigade. She thinks I'll have a good future there, and she's willing to recommend my posting at Karanes District. With her backing, it's almost guaranteed that will happen. I can stay here, and I'll come visit you every week, more often if you need."

"Nile," said Marie. "You don't have to do this."

"I know, but I want to, and I want to make one thing clear." His voice, though quiet, became stronger now. "I'm not like Erwin. My dream isn't to explore the outside world. Yes, I would like to go, but there's something I want even more, and that's to have a life with you."

Marie hugged the flowers close, feeling a tightening in her chest. She wasn't sure. She didn't want him to give up so much for her when she didn't even know for certain how she felt.

Nile seemed to realize that and looked down. "I'm sorry. I'm probably coming on too strong. I wish we had another year, but there isn't any time left before my assignment. I just want you to understand how much I want to stay with you. It doesn't matter whether you're happy or sad. I want to be there for you, for whatever happens in your life, so you'll always have someone you can rely on."

"Nile..."

He had been there—always. So many times. She remembered him fixing her dress, coming to the festival when she only invited him so she would not be alone with Erwin, hunting with her every week even in the snow to help support her family, and being there when she was alone and thought her father might die.

"I know," she said, "that I've always been able to rely you, perhaps unfairly so." She could faintly smell the calla lilies in her arms, but instead of comfort she felt only sadness. "But I'm not entirely over Erwin, or ready to move on. I care about you too, but right now I can't promise that I'll love you as much as you do me."

They were still young. She was eighteen, and Nile only a year younger. Though others had married at their ages, there was no great hurry, and she knew that Nile's wish, though he had not used the words, _was_ a desire to marry. By joining the Military Police, he would be building his future on the possibility that eventually the two of them would become something more than they were now.

"I don't want you to be disappointed," she said. "If doesn't work out, you'll be stuck in the Military Police, away from your friends."

"I won't regret it," he said. "It might not be what I expected, but if you'll have me, I'll make it work. Worst comes, I could request to join the Survey Corps at a later date. I won't be trapped. Transfers aren't common, and I'd probably be laughed out for leaving the Military Police, but it's possible if I had to. What isn't, is making up any time I'd lose with you."

Marie glanced down at the lilies cradled in her arms and when she looked up again he was still earnest; waiting, hoping. Nile. The boy with the flowers.

It wasn't his fault that he wasn't Erwin.

"I also have something to show you," said Nile. He turned around and fanned out his cloak so she could see the design. "This is what Erwin was joking about. I wanted something to show you what joining the Military Police means to me."

Before the three swords of the Training Corps was the green unicorn of the Military Police, but it was its whole body instead just the head. The unicorn was in the air, hooves raised and flying, on two lovely feathered wings.

"I am gaining more than I am losing," said Nile. "Joining the Military Police will let me stay with you. These are the wings I want."

Marie smiled. "I can see why you were embarrassed, but you took a lot of time making that, didn't you."

He sheepishly turned back to face her and said, "It's a little silly, but I said 'other wings' and might have gotten ahead of myself. I wasn't sure exactly how to show them to you, but you know I'm good with a needle, and even if it's silly, I still mean what I said. I love you, Marie."

The words were said, and hung in the air between them.

"We can try," she said at last. "You'll have to be patient with me, but we can try."

She had no doubt that Erwin still cared about her, but Nile's love was no less, and what she knew now was that it took two hearts working together to make a love that would last. Though she might care for Erwin, Nile was the one willing to stay, to make that love work. If he truly could get an assignment at Karanes District, then he would have a place here, within the Walls, where he could be with her.

Marie heard footsteps behind her and turned to see her mother. "The two of you don't have to talk out here anymore," she said. "The last of the customers have gone. You can come inside where it's warmer."

Nile looked to Marie, waiting for her cue. If she said good night now, she knew he would leave, giving her the space she asked for. Instead she shifted the bouquet to one arm and took Nile's hand in her own.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go inside."

"If you haven't eaten yet, we're about to have dinner," said her mother.

"That's all right," said Nile. "I had something before coming here."

"You could still join us."

Marie could have said that it was late, that he should get back to the training camp, but there was no training anymore, no excuse. Nile had graduated, and this was where he wanted to be.

"You should stay," said Marie. She smiled at him and gently squeezed his hand. It didn't feel entirely real, not yet, but she wanted him to feel welcome, and she knew at least that desire was real. "My parents have been wanting to share a meal with you for a long time."

-AoT-

The sun was bright in the late spring morning, and Erwin was glad for the Survey Corps travel cloak, because he knew before long, he would want the hood on his head just to keep away the heat. He sat on his horse in the center of the formation with more veteran soldiers stationed around the periphery. This was the place for the supply wagons and the new recruits.

"I can't believe this. Our first expedition!" Werner was next to him, his voice giddy.

They had spent the past two months training with their new comrades, all in preparation for this moment.

On the other side of the supply wagons were Andy and Darrin. Brett was further up. And beyond him, the Survey Corps Commander and then the gate of Shiganshina. In a few moments the Garrison would lift the portcullis, and they would all ride into the outside world. Who knew how many of them would come back, but somewhere were out there, was the truth that Erwin had been looking for and he had to find it.

A small part of him wished that Nile had been a part of this formation as well. It wasn't that they needed another recruit that badly, though new soldiers were always welcome, but he missed him. He hadn't realized by how much until he'd gotten his new barracks assignment and Nile was no longer sleeping on the bunk above him.

"Heeeeeey! Erwin! Werner!"

A loud shout rose out from the small crowd of people who had come to see them off. The Survey Corps usually left on week's end, so that family and friends could do just that. And there, waving at him was Nile. His friend must have gotten up on top of a crate or something, because he was far taller than he should have been, and able to see well above the heads of the crowd.

Nile reached down, saying something to someone unseen, and then pulled Marie up beside him. He pointed her to Erwin and she waved.

"Kill some Titans for us!" she shouted.

Erwin smiled and waved back. They'd written to let him know that they were coming, and even though he had no time to see them before getting into formation, that hadn't dissuaded them from making the trip out to Shiganshina. The bar was closed today and Nile had arranged to trade his shift with another recruit in the Military Police.

He was not in uniform today and it was odd seeing him like that, as if Nile had left the military entirely, though Erwin knew that wasn't true. His civilian attire made him look like a good match for Marie and Erwin noticed that as they had waved to him, Nile still held Marie's hand. She glanced at Nile, said something to him, and she smiled.

It was the right choice.

Marie would be well taken care of and he could not think of anything better than for two of his closest friends to find happiness in each other.

A shout came from ahead of them, a soldier reporting in. "The Titans have been lured away! Thirty seconds until the gate opens!"

Erwin resisted the attempt to squeeze the reins in his hands. It was time to focus. If all went well, he would see Nile and Marie again once the expedition was over. For now, everything had to be for the mission.

"Opening the gate!"

With a groan, the massive wheels turned, raising the gate that only ever opened to allow the Survey Corps to leave and reenter. Outside was only enemy territory, but he would endure it with the help of his friends, both those who came with him and those who remained behind.

* * *

 _A/N: Though this feels very ending-ish, there is one more chapter after this to serve as an epilogue. If you're a manga reader you should be fine (the epilogue will cover material up to Chapter 85), but if you're an anime-only reading this sometime in 2018 while Season 3 is being broadcast, you may want to stay out until Season 3 is over._

 _I've mentioned that I was trying very hard to be fair to both Erwin and Nile, but because I outline, this was difficult when it came to the actual writing. You see, as I outlined, I was pretty fair (in my mind) to both men, but towards the end I needed Marie to at least tentatively fall in love with Nile and recognize why he's the better fit for her._

 _The result was that I kinda fell in love with Nile too. He is incredibly devoted to Marie, which made it stupid difficult after outlining the last third of the story to go back and write the beginning where Marie is neutral towards them both. The original draft of the first chapter actually focused a lot more on establishing Nile as a character, with Erwin fading into the background._


	20. Chapter 20: Wings of Love or Freedom

Chapter 20: For Wings of Love or Wings of Freedom

The years passed, and the distance between them grew. Some of it was due to living different lives, some of it due to professional demands. Sometimes Nile had wondered if they even stopped being friends.

He knew that wasn't true now, though Erwin had played him just about as well as everyone else. They'd overthrown a government and now Nile was enforcing the rule of a new queen that two months ago he hadn't even been aware of.

It was completely and utterly something Erwin would have come up with in the search for his truth, and he was closer to it than ever. There was still one major gambit left though, the reclamation of Wall Maria, and accessing this basement that Erwin believed held the key to everything.

Nile and the other senior military officers had seen Erwin off, and now they waited in Trost District for the news, sitting around tables with tea like the officials before them that they had replaced. He would rather have been with Marie. Her pregnancy was getting far along and she had teased him often enough about possibly missing the birth of their third child.

It was hard trying to find time to go home in the aftermath of a revolution, but he had managed to do it, leaving subordinates to stand in for him at some of the military meetings, but Marie had encouraged him to go back for this operation. This was for Erwin's dream, she said.

So he went, and found himself telling Zachly and Pixis stories about his days in the Training Corps like a much older man. The animosity was gone now, the lingering hard feelings between him and Erwin. Pixis told him that the best thing he could do now would be to apologize to Erwin, for not believing him earlier. And he supposed he would. For the first time in a long while, it felt they were on the same side again.

Then bells rang out and from the shouts of people in the streets he knew that the Survey Corps had returned from their mission to reclaim Wall Maria, and were likely victorious. There was otherwise no reason for such an uproar. But then the cheers turned to silence, and he knew the news could not be all that good.

Runners left and came back with a single officer from the Survey Corps.

Squad Leader Hange Zoe was the one gave the report to the senior military staff, and though Nile heard it, and knew that the operation had succeeded, he wasn't sure how much of it he actually remembered.

The cost had been high, incredibly high, even by the standards of the Survey Corps. Only nine soldiers had returned, and Erwin was dead. After all that happened, Erwin was finally dead.

A part of him had known this could happen, expected it _would_ happen. Werner, Brett, Andy, and Darrin, they had all died years ago. There was a time when he figured it would be only a matter of months before Erwin died too. But then Erwin lived, a testament to his expertise and experience. Even when a Titan had bitten his arm off that hadn't stopped him. Their own king hadn't stopped him.

It had taken a group of enemies they hadn't even known existed until a few months ago and the worst kind of ambush to kill him.

He shouldn't have gone, a crippled man missing an arm and still heading out into the field, but Nile knew such thinking wouldn't have worked. Erwin had to go outside. That was just who he was.

Now Nile was the only one still alive out of their friends in the Training Corps, because he had chosen to not enlist. And the worst part was that Erwin had been so close to finding his answers.

He still remembered when he had argued with Erwin, that he should have stayed with Marie and retired in safety after finding his answers. Nile could see now that it wouldn't have worked. Erwin was right. Not even he could have cheated death long enough to make it happen.

The meeting was adjourned, and Nile approached Hange. He had never spoken to the squad leader before, but would have to now. With Erwin's death, Hange was the acting commander and would soon be formally instated as his successor.

"Squad Leader," he said, "if I may have a moment of your time."

Hange nodded. "Go ahead, Commander."

"Did Erwin designate a next of kin that the news and his belongings should be delivered to?"

It was expected that a senior officer should meet with the deceased's family and hand over any belongings, but Erwin had been the head of his branch of the military. In the event of a branch commander's passing either Commander-in-Chief Zachly or one of the other commanders was to deliver the news.

He wasn't sure what distant relative Erwin might have named, but if someone had to go, he wanted to be the one.

"The commander had few personal belongings," said Hange. "I think you know he was a frugal man, but he did have some things we will pack. As for who they should go to..." Hange let out a quiet breath and gave a shake of the head. "Well, you already know the news of his passing so the briefing of loss has been taken care of, for better or worse." The squad leader looked up, meeting Nile's eyes, and said, "As for his belongings, Erwin designated Nile and Marie Dok as the recipients. I know this is irregular, but allow me to say I'm sorry for your loss. He was a good man. It would likely be best if your wife Marie hears the news from you."

Thoughts, too many of them, came to mind, but Nile's voice still worked, just barely. "I'll do that," he said.

-AoT-

Marie was in the kitchen where she heard the rattling of the front door and then the squeals of her children as it swung open.

"Daddy!"

She could hear her husband's voice, tired but kind, greeting the kids and then asking for them to please let go because he had some things to show their mother. There were pouts. Nile had been gone for several days in preparation for the operation to reclaim Wall Maria and the children missed him. The crisis when the Titans had appeared in Wall Rose and then the ensuing revolution had already taken him away so much.

"Hi, honey."

Nile came into the kitchen, a bouquet of white calla lilies in one hand, a large satchel in the other, and a child clinging to each leg. Once the third was born she had no idea where that one would latch on, but maybe the oldest would be willing to let go by then.

Marie took the flowers and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Welcome home, love."

He always brought her flowers when he came back from a long trip, and if they were in season, they were white calla lilies.

"Why the long face?" she asked. "Did the operation not go well?"

Nile looked down at the kids and said, "Can the two of you go upstairs for a while? I need some privacy with your mother. I promise I'll make it up to you later."

"Horseback rides?" asked their son, and Marie knew that it wasn't going to be on a real horse so much as on Nile's back.

"Horseback rides until you get tired," he said.

"I want a dog," said their daughter.

"No dog," said Marie.

"Toy one okay?" Nile inquired.

"Will it have fake fur?" Their daughter certainly knew how to bargain.

That was going to be expensive, Marie knew, but Nile agreed anyway, and while they did not have to live cheaply due to his position as the Military Police Commander, they tried not to spoil their children. Something must really have been bothering him.

Their children disappeared upstairs to their rooms. Each of them had their own instead of having to share. Though not as ostentatious a home as Nile and Marie could afford, this was still much larger than either of them had grown up in, and on the well-appointed side for a resident of Wall Rose. They could have moved to Wall Sina, Nile had been told as much, but they stayed here, so she could be near her parents and they could see their grandchildren.

Her father could no longer work, but her mother still ran the bar and they had brought on more help. Nile's income helped pay for her father's medicine now, so Marie could focus on caring for the children, and his connections had gotten her father better medical treatment.

Marie pulled out a vase and set the flowers inside, unwrapping them so they had room to breathe. Then she looked at the pot, sitting over the hearth, and the flames were low enough that the food was merely simmering, and not in immediate danger of burning. The two of them could talk for a while. And at least for the moment, their third child was resting rather than kicking in her belly. She would have liked to think that she was an old hand at this, now she was on her third, but this newest was doing its best to ensure it would be the last.

"So have you been holding up?" asked Nile. He set the satchel on the counter and hugged her from behind so as to not squeeze her belly between them. She leaned into him.

"The third is going to be handful after he or she is born," said Marie. "You can't afford to be gone much longer, or you'll miss the birth."

"I have one more trip left, and then I'll be home for a while. Things are finally over."

Marie reached up to the arms he held around her, placing her hands over his, and said, "So they succeeded then. Erwin took back Wall Maria."

"They did, but..." Nile let go and she turned around to face him. "Erwin didn't make it. Most of them didn't. Only nine soldiers made it back."

Only nine...?

Even for the Survey Corps it was an incredible loss, and there was no reason to think that with so few soldiers that any one of the nine should have been Erwin... But Erwin had always come back. She remembered when Darrin died. He was the first. And there were the other deaths; Werner's, Andy's. Marie had gone to so many funerals those early years Erwin had been in the Corps. But Erwin had always come back.

"Did he... Did he find what he was looking for?" she asked.

"Erwin didn't get a chance to see. He was so close, but..."

"He died saving who he could," said Marie. She lowered her eyes, trying to imagine what his last moments must have been like, how he must have rallied his soldiers around him to save who he could, to ensure that Wall Maria would be theirs again.

Nile didn't need to tell her more. There could be no other explanation. Erwin had his dream, but he would not be so selfish as to throw away the lives of his soldiers in pursuit of it. He was considerate of others. She knew that better than anyone.

She heard a click as her husband opened the satchel he had set on the kitchen counter and looked up to see him pull out a bundle of green cloth. He offered it to her. On its back was the Wings of Freedom. It was a cloak, one of those the military used for outdoor operations. Nile had one for the Military Police as well, though he rarely used it while working in the city.

"This is for you," he said. "Normally this goes to next of kin, and a Survey Corps officer would deliver it, but because of the circumstances..."

She took the cloak and held it close, remembering the last time she had seen Erwin. He had come for their son's birthday. It had been a rare bit of time during which he could escape his duties and play at being uncle to children he would never have himself.

The kids. She and Nile would have to tell them too, that Uncle Erwin would not be coming back. Would they be old enough to understand?

"Is this what he wore when...?" she asked.

He shook his head. "His is covering his body in Shiganshina District. This the spare."

She understood. The Survey Corps was not always able to bring back a body, or even a cloak, so they left one behind in the barracks for their loved ones to have should they fall in the line of duty. Ramona had received one that way when Werner had died.

Erwin had known this day would come, and he had wanted to spare Marie the mourning Ramona had experienced. In a different life, she could have become a widow with two children and a third on the way. Instead, he had left her with a living, devoted husband; one of his dearest friends.

She felt Nile's arms around her and she let herself rest her head on his shoulder.

"I know what you told me," she said. "But I still find it so hard to believe that he's gone."

A part of her thought she should be bawling, but her heart was numb, still trying to understand. She just could not believe... He'd played dangerous games against Titans, against corruption within the Walls themselves, and always he had survived. Even when Nile had told her that he had lost an arm, when she heard that he had nearly been executed...

Erwin...

Then the tears came. They rolled down her face and on to Nile's jacket, and when she shook she felt his arms tighten around her.

"I'm still here, Marie," said Nile. "For as long as you need, I'll be here."

She knew. "I just wish I had a chance to say good-bye. After all this time I didn't expect..."

"I know. I do too."

Marie dabbed at her eyes with the hem of the cloak she held in her hands.

"If you need time, I can watch dinner," said Nile.

"You just got home."

He must be tired. The military had met all the way in Trost.

Nile kissed her hair. "I've had time. I can watch a pot and set the table."

His consideration was one of the reasons she loved him.

"Thank you," she murmured. "I'll... I'll be back."

She gently pushed away and stroked his cheek before she left. Nile was not quite the same person he had been when they first met, but then neither was she. They had changed in subtle ways as they spent the years growing together. Still, she could see the young soldier in him who had been willing to join the Survey Corps for a friend and the Military Police for a wife. He was scruffier now, she liked the beard, but he still had that look about him as if he never had enough to eat. It vexed her mother to no end.

Erwin had changed as well. Though he hid it when he visited, she had heard from Nile about the measures Erwin had taken, his conviction in fighting the Titans. Erwin had become ruthless when it came to his mission. That wasn't the Erwin she remembered, but when he played with her children, she could see the man she had loved when she was barely a woman herself.

Marie stepped inside the workroom she and Nile used for repairing clothing, furniture, or anything else that needed fixing. In a pinch they could set up cots and use the room for guests, and there was a table at one end with a box of sewing material on it that both Nile and Marie used depending on who was home. Next to the table was a set of pegs for hanging things.

Only one bundle of cloth hung there at the moment, a faded green cloak with a winged unicorn that didn't belong to any of the military branches. Marie looked at it fondly, considering, and decided that Nile wouldn't mind. They had always been friends, had even been together when he stitched the thing. The two men had made their choices at the same time, years ago, and she liked to think that in the end neither had regretted it.

Marie lifted her hands and hung the Wings of Freedom to rest beside the Wings of Love.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you, everyone, for reading and commenting on_ For Wings of Love or Wings of Freedom _. If you've enjoyed this, and you haven't already, please favorite or leave a comment so others are encouraged to read. If you've done so already, thanks again._

 _I realize this is a bit of a melancholy ending, but I didn't feel comfortable leaving the story without also covering Marie and Nile's reaction to the consequences of their decisions from years ago. Still, I like to think that despite it all, there were no regrets._

 _I do have other story ideas for these three and time permitting, I may revisit them down the line, but there will probably be a different Attack on Titan short story first. If you'd like to follow what I'm up to, and don't mind random postings about Persona, Attack on Titan, Voltron, and other things, you can follow me on Tumblr where I'm alisayangds._


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